GPS stands for Grizzley Positioning System..,
On a roadtrip with dad.. GPS says "ahead- bear right".
Dad: "I don't see a bear- your Grizzley positioning system must be broken".
originally posted on r/tumblr by u/MaetelofLaMetal
I got into a fight with my brother on the way to church today because he was positive that Jesus was an Intel processor guy....
When anybody with half a brain clearly knows he has a Ryzen
I was positive she would get it...
I recently got fired from a bank teller position when asked to check a client’s balance.
What do you call a canteloupe with a positive attitude?
I finally found a genie in a bottle! So I asked if it would be possible to change French positives to Spanish...
He replied, "oui shall sí."
I Think that body positivity is great.
But I'd rather have antibodies
It would be shocking if this isn't a repost but I could not resist
What's the most positive thing about Switzerland?
I don't know, but their flag is a big plus.
Recently moved to a new place and position for my job. Boss on the first day said "Hey Paul glad you made it, how you liking your new office?"
I said "I think you forgot my name, but I'm a Justin Well, thanks."
I once dated a phlebotomist whom, when she tried to draw my blood, said "Be positive."
It was then I realized, she wasn't my type.
Instead of a swear jar I have a negativity jar. Everytime I have a pessimistic thought I put a dollar in it.
What is something that is only considered positive during this pandemic?
Being negative and smelling like alcohol.
What sex position makes the ugliest babies?
I tested positive for my corvid-19 test
It really ruffled my feathers
I started a petition to swap the position of "a" and "n" in the alphabet.
No one took me seriously when I said jk lmao
The cast from Pulp Fiction tested positive with Covid after going camping together:
I told my wife that I must always be positive. She asked “Why must you?”
“It’s in my blood.” I replied.
What is a highlighter's favorite Twister position?
Mate was feeling down so I told him there's a positive and negative to everything, you just gotta find it...
Poor fella can't even put batteries in right....
Recently, the Kansas City Chiefs acted quickly and had to pull their team barber out mid-cut because they learned he tested positive for COVID.
Guess you could say that it was a close shave
An actual joke from my 8 year old - Why can’t you trust atoms?
They make up everything.
I was proud.
Did you know Pecans are one of the most positive type of nuts out there...
Else, they’d be called Pecants
My boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture.
I have a hunch it might be me.
What do positively charged particles have in common with professional sumo wrestling teams?
U have been tested positive for breathtaking
What makes boaters such positive people?
If Father Christmas played soccer, what position would he play ?
Australian tennis star Bernard Tomic's sister, Ana, agreeing with her friend Ally about the positions of body parts
I met a transformer who only had positive thoughts.
He said his name was optimist prime
This support group will help you recharge
I am positive that there is something wrong with Quasimodo's back
Or it could be just a hunch
I've been working on not mansplaining and instead saying something positive. How has been going?
My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type
As he died, he kept insisting "be positive", but it's hard without him.
Trump tested positive for COVID-19
What religious positions are open for women?
Stay Positive
Son is working on math. Currently working on negative numbers, which is below his level (pun intended).
Wife says, "He is really bored. If you can think of anything to say to help that would be great.
Me to son, “Hey buddy, I know you are working on negative numbers and that is boring. Try to stay positive.”
Now is definitely not the right time to start surrounding yourself with positive people.
If Karen had a job, what would her position be?
Head of the chain of demand.
I got my wife 4 pregnancy tests and they all came back positive
She’s now worried about how we are going to raise 4 kids.
I hate negative numbers in math.
I’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
From my 10-year-old: "Daddy, what has it's bottom at the top?"
"I don't know, bud, what?"
"Your legs."
Well done, kid.
I caught my son chewing on electrical cords.
So I had to ground him. He’s doing better currently, and now conducting himself properly.
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