Her: Honey can you pick up some milk
Him:* lifts gallon * done
Her: no from the store
Him: I imagine it weighs the same there too
My son is starting school soon and thinks the other children will pick on him because of his name. I reassured him, "Don't be silly!"
"Why would anyone pick on you, Someoneyourownsize!?"
My wife asked me to pick up a single lemon at the grocery store
But I have no idea how to tell if a lemon is in a relationship or not
What do you get when you pick a pig's nose?
Never pick a fight with a music teacher
You may think it’s A minor offense, but the punishment could B major
My wife told me to pick up cheese dip for the New Years Eve party.
I’m a really short guy, and I always seem to pick fights over nothing
It’s hard trying to be the bigger person!
What do you get when you pick a pig’s nose?
Every year around this time, my family and I go out to the woods to pick out and cut down our own menorah.
Why can’t people pick their nose?
Because they already have one
How did the moose pick his next mate?
A quick game of fuck, fuck, moose.
What do you get when you pick a pig’s nose?
Ham-boogers!
I know, it snot funny.
Dad drives to the local high school and picks up his son.
Son: “Dad, put me down, you’re embarrassing me.”
During an organ donation how do doctors decide which kidney to pick?
They pick the right one.
That way there's still one left
Knowing how to pick locks...
Has really opened a lot of doors for me.
Which one would you pick up?
...If you found a 10 dollar bill and a 2 dollar bill on the way.
Went to go pick my glasses up from SpecSavers today and you’ll never guess who I bumped into!
I have an addiction to reading pop-up books, so I went to the library the other day to pick up some proper grown up books to look at. I have to admit there was some good stuff there, ...
... but unfortunately nothing that jumped out at me.
Which one stole your broom ma’am? Can you pick her out of a line up?
No it was Witch two officer!
Wife: Can you pick up milk?
Husband: Lifting Gallon yeah
Wife: No, I mean at the store.
Husband: I imagine it would weigh the same there...
What gets easier to pick up the heavier it gets?
What do you call it when you break your pick axe while working?
I’m going to pick up a pack of smokes
When I came home today my wife had some Little Debbie Zerbra Cakes on the counter. I pick one up and say "A Zebra Cake?"
"Don't mind if I Zoo."
She just gave me a glare and went back to what she was doing.
Totally worth it.
I called my wife and told her I'd pick up pizza and coke on my way back home from work, but she's not happy.
She still regrets letting me name the twins.
How did the Roman senators pick who will stab the emperor first?
I didn't pick my nose when I was younger.
A child picks up a piece of chocolate and puts it in the shopping cart. The mother takes the chocolate, as it is unhealthy, and puts it down next to the eggs.
For its unhealthy being, it was in eggs-aisle.
My friend is annoyed because his dog keeps trying to pick fights with dogs five times his size.
I told him he shouldn’t have adopted that Cocky Spaniel.
I was teaching my 12 year old daughter how to mow the lawn. “You need to pick either up and down or right and left, and then stick to it,” I told her. “Do you mow the whole yard in one direction.”
“Why?” she asked.
“Because that’s what makes it beautiful.”
Oh, the eye roll on this kid.
The definition of a pick up game.
Why don’t hobbits pick their noses?
What kind of house do you think you can pick up!?
I’m not very bright but I’m pretty sure I can pick up a Light House!
How do you pick up a country girl?
A scientist walks into a lab to pick up a dozen beakers for a new experiment he’s been working on, and the lab clerk hands him 13 upon his arrival. “13?”, the scientist asks, “I wanted a dozen!”
The lab clerk says “I thought you wanted a beakers dozen!”
Rick Harris hooked up with this girl using his brother Neil's pick-up line...
The questions is, will Neil Patrick Harris on the back?
Never pick a fight with numbers
They have a lot of fours.
I’ve been researching exercise bikes for over a month and just can’t pick one.
It turns out this whole time I’ve been bike-curious.
A magician asked me to pick a card any card
So I took his credit card and left.
I’ve been trying to pick up on German humor recently.
Why do you never pick a fight with popcorn?
They have too many kernels
What do you get when you pick a pig’s nose?
What do you get when you pick a pig's nose?
What Do you get when you pick a pigs nose?
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