Pan Out Puns

the first chef responds with “they can if they’re spring onions”

I don’t feel like there’s a knead

As a result, they named it the Xbox Siri's Ex.

Wife asked me to grab a 9 by 13 pan. I go pick it up and noticed it was stamped 13x9. I point that out and say “I bet it will work”.

Stone faced silence.

Because it didn't pan out

It didn’t Pan out.

I came up with two today, be warned they are punishing.

Why are the Lost Boys so poor? It's because they can Never Land a job.

How did Peter Pan get so fat? He keeps eating out at Wendy's.

Turns out it was just The Flash in a pan.

We'll see how this pans out but I think she's fried

Out of the frying pan and into the friar.

... but it didn't really pan out

I just don't see it panning out.

I told him so that it would come out pie pan hot.

Guess it didn’t Pan out

He told me he hoped it would all pan out.

He was presented a beautiful lady and told he had to kill her with cannibalism. This fighter has a good heart and could never do this, but if he did not oblige than both would die. He beat her to death and fed on the remains. Afterwards, it was revealed that the lady was actually quite evil and murdered children.

The camera pans out, it's Russell Crowe, he is Glad-he-ate-her.

I'm getting out of the frying pan, into the friar!

Put a pan of water on the stove and boil the hell out of it.

Will be great if it pans out.

• What's the difference between mononucleosis and herpes? You get mono from snatching kisses.

• If you were to lose your left arm, you'd be all right.

• Why can't you hear a pteradactyl going to the bathroom? Because the P is silent.

• Communists only write in lower-case letters because they hate capitalism.

• I got a new job at the police sketching pictures of suspects. I'm a con artist.

• Cat Woman's real name is Catherine Woman.

• I have a new cat joke. ...Just kitt'en.

• How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Look for Fresh Prints. *

• Did you hear about the two men who stole a calendar? They got six months each.

• I just saw an Apple store get robbed. Does that make me an iWitness?

• Dwarfs and midgets have very little in common.

• I'm moving to Seoul. I was told it would be a good Korea move.

• Did you hear about the professor who was killed in a car accident? He was grading papers on a curve.

• Why isn't an iPhone charger called Apple Juice?

• Ever try to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.

• When Peter Pan throws punches, they Never Land.

• I was struggling to understand how lightning works, but then it struck me.

• Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time, too.

• Apparently Neil Armstrong used to tell unfunny jokes about the moon, and then follow up with, "Ah, I guess you had to be there."

• I'm going to make a TV series about a plane hijacking. We just shot the pilot.

• Would you call a drunk working at an upholstery a recovering alcoholic?

• Yesterday I got covered in ketchup from my head tomatoes.

• Even though I've gone bald, I still keep the same comb I've had for 20 years. I just can't part with it.

• Picture of my sister after getting her nose pierced "She nose something!"

• I went to the dentist and showed him my cavity. He told me to pull up my pants and get the hell out.

• Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It was okay - he woke up.

• So what if I can't spell armageddon. It's not the end of the world.

• When you get an infection, urine trouble.

• "Hey waiter! This coffee tastes like mud!" "Yes, sir; it's fresh ground."

• How did the butcher introduce his wife? "Meat Patty."

• Elton John is a great piano player, but he sucks on the organ.

• Elton John wrote a tribute to Amy Winehouse: Candle Under the Spoon *

• What's the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan? Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke. *

*My absolut

... it didn't pan out.

Set in Northern China, this movie follows the rite of passage of a jaded, aimless Chinese chef who falls in love with a worn out cooking pan that he and his friends once scorned. The two develop a powerful and inspirational relationship in which they discover truths about cooking that take most people a lifetime to learn. It's called A Wok to Remember

The other night, my wife made a fantastic peach pie. It was the best one she has been ever made (she even put my initials in it with a heart around it). As she was showing off her handiwork, the pie slipped out of the pan and splattered everywhere. The wife started crying, the kids started complaining. My 23 year old nephew walks into the room and looks at the ensuing chaos. He grabs a handful of the mush, eats it, and says to my wife, "I think the pie turned out just peachy."

Person two: "I guess you could say the anti-stick went out of the frying pan, into the water."

Last night i got on twitter, one teacher from a gaggle I follow is talking about Peter Pan and tossing out pun after pun. Another teacher just asked "Can we make him stop?"

I replied, "When d'he start?"

Then another teacher jumped in with "Wendy do you think?"

Huh? I scratched my head. Was my unusual spelling so odd that it wasn't clear what i was going for? She got it enough to use THE SAME PUN in the SAME way.

And then her comment got favorites and 'attagirls'.

So questions: 1) which phrasing was better for the pun?

2. If the second is better, is it still better immediately following the first?

My girlfriend and I decide to watch through every Peter Pan movie made to date one lazy Sunday because we were going to see the play later in the week

Me: Alright babe, one more movie to go and we're done!

Her: Can we please do something else for a bit, we've been watching Peter Pan all day.

Me: Sooo... you're all petered out....?

I made cornbread tonight and used bacon grease to grease the pan. When I flipped the pan onto a plate and it came out clean, I said "thank you, lard"

Go ahead and skip it, turns out it was widely Panned.

It started off pretty innocently. I was at work doing work stuff (I'm an apprentice boilermaker if you want to know) and came up with this...

Q. How did the bacon get to hospital? A. In the HAMbulance.

Kinda just snowballed from there...

Q. How did the sheep get to hospital? A. In the RAMbulance.

Q. How did the oyster get to hospital? A. In the CLAMbulance.

Q. How did the marmalade get to the hospital? A. In the JAMbulance.

I decided to post my hilarity on Facebook, and my brother in law dropped this one:

Q. How did the martial artist get to hospital? A. In the JEANCLAUDEVANDAMMEbulance.

And my sister chimed in too:

Q. How did the Beaver get to hospital? A. In the DAMbulance.

The next thing I knew, it just wouldn't stop...THEY JUST KEPT COMING OUT OF MY BRAIN!

Q. How did the sweet potato get to hospital? A. In the YAMbulance.

Q. How did the Indian get to hospital? A. In the PAPADAMbulance.

Q. How did the other Indian get to hospital? A. In the WIGWAMbulance.

Q. How did the insomniac get to hospital? A. In the DIAZAPAMbulance.

Q. How did the baby get to hospital? A. In the PRAMbulance.

Q. How did The Flash get to hospital? A. In the SHAZAMbulance.

I went to bed around 8.30pm. NO SLEEP FOR ME, MORE DAD JOKES TO THINK ABOUT!

Q. How did Sean Penn get to the hospital? A. In the IAMSAMbulance.

Q. How did Dr Suess get to the hospital? A. In the SAMIAMbulance.

Q. How did the exhibitionist get to hospital? A. In the WEBCAMbulance.

Q. How did the 80's pop stars get to hospital? A. In the WHAMbulance.

Q. How did the air hostess get to hospital? A. In the PAN-AMbulance.

Q. How did the POW get to hospital? A. In the VIETNAMbulance.

I'm pretty much spent at this point, but thought I would share with you guys. Maybe you've got more of your own to add?

I was at a friend's house and we were baking a cake. Friend had poured the batter into the pan and was banging it down on the counter to get it to flatten out.

Me: "You think there's a less noisy way to do that?"

Friend's dad (from the living room): "You making a pound cake?"

She sent me a picture of a card she had in 'Cards Against Humanity.'

It said, "Getting abducted by Peter Pan."

I told her it looks like things just didn't pan out.

Queue groans.

She was tried out a novel way of shifting the brownies into a plastic bag by placing the glass pan in the bag, and then swiftly turning the whole thing upside down so the brownies fell out as a whole. It didn't go well at all.

Mom: "Oooohhh damn, they all broke apart."

Me from the kitchen table: "At least they can rest in pieces now."