Puns to make you all laugh!

Hey everyone! First day on Reddit and would love to make a good start. Here are a few puns to cheer up your day :

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

My friend's bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast

When Peter Pan punches, they Neverland.

What's the worst thing about throwing a party in space? You have to Planet.

To write with a broken pencil ,is pointless.

A frog robbed a bank. It was the first time it Kermited a crime.

I used to have a fear of hurdles ,but I got over it.

There you go everyone! Hope you all enjoyed it and if at all cheered your day up! Feel free to leave some feedback :)

Cheers

  • KingAaronCOC
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📅︎ Oct 28 2014
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Served my family Chinese food yesterday...

They got annoyed when I served everything stuck to a pan.

I told them its rice peel off...

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👤︎ u/Fordhoard
📅︎ Dec 20 2018
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My nephew is going to be a great father someday...

The other night, my wife made a fantastic peach pie. It was the best one she has been ever made (she even put my initials in it with a heart around it). As she was showing off her handiwork, the pie slipped out of the pan and splattered everywhere. The wife started crying, the kids started complaining. My 23 year old nephew walks into the room and looks at the ensuing chaos. He grabs a handful of the mush, eats it, and says to my wife, "I think the pie turned out just peachy."

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📅︎ Nov 01 2014
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G'day reddit. Been a dad since October 2014, and just yesterday these hit me..

It started off pretty innocently. I was at work doing work stuff (I'm an apprentice boilermaker if you want to know) and came up with this...

Q. How did the bacon get to hospital? A. In the HAMbulance.

Kinda just snowballed from there...

Q. How did the sheep get to hospital? A. In the RAMbulance.

Q. How did the oyster get to hospital? A. In the CLAMbulance.

Q. How did the marmalade get to the hospital? A. In the JAMbulance.

I decided to post my hilarity on Facebook, and my brother in law dropped this one:

Q. How did the martial artist get to hospital? A. In the JEANCLAUDEVANDAMMEbulance.

And my sister chimed in too:

Q. How did the Beaver get to hospital? A. In the DAMbulance.

The next thing I knew, it just wouldn't stop...THEY JUST KEPT COMING OUT OF MY BRAIN!

Q. How did the sweet potato get to hospital? A. In the YAMbulance.

Q. How did the Indian get to hospital? A. In the PAPADAMbulance.

Q. How did the other Indian get to hospital? A. In the WIGWAMbulance.

Q. How did the insomniac get to hospital? A. In the DIAZAPAMbulance.

Q. How did the baby get to hospital? A. In the PRAMbulance.

Q. How did The Flash get to hospital? A. In the SHAZAMbulance.

I went to bed around 8.30pm. NO SLEEP FOR ME, MORE DAD JOKES TO THINK ABOUT!

Q. How did Sean Penn get to the hospital? A. In the IAMSAMbulance.

Q. How did Dr Suess get to the hospital? A. In the SAMIAMbulance.

Q. How did the exhibitionist get to hospital? A. In the WEBCAMbulance.

Q. How did the 80's pop stars get to hospital? A. In the WHAMbulance.

Q. How did the air hostess get to hospital? A. In the PAN-AMbulance.

Q. How did the POW get to hospital? A. In the VIETNAMbulance.

I'm pretty much spent at this point, but thought I would share with you guys. Maybe you've got more of your own to add?

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👤︎ u/azureal
📅︎ Apr 08 2015
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Daddy's Breakfast Bacon

Mom, "Pookie, can you turn off the bacon please?" Dad walks up to the pan and says, "You're ugly and fatty and I don't want to be with you." He turns to mom, "Okay, they're not in the mood anymore."

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👤︎ u/unabated
📅︎ Jan 12 2015
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I was dad joked by a customer today.

I work at Goodwill, and while I was working register a customer came up to pay.

He placed a frying pan on the counter, and casually said, "Hey man. What's cooking?"

His significant other just rolled her eyes and walked off. We laughed like maniacs.

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📅︎ Mar 26 2014
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Washing dishes with my dad

I was washing dishes with my dad, and had cleaned ~4 plates caked with egg residue on them. "How long have these been dirty?" I asked. A few minutes later I was washin a baking pan and it was impossible to get the leftover food off of it. Aggravated, I exclaimed "What did you make on here, eggs too?!"

My dad said "No, those are still from eggs one."

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👤︎ u/Waayzii
📅︎ Oct 21 2013
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