3 ants named A, B, and C were all males. Which one floats the best?

Boy-ant-C!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CryptoReaper5
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
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Happy Ho.idays to friends and .oved ones c.ose and far. B.essings to you and yours this Yu.e season.

(This is my No-L greeting.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DemonDuJour
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
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I bet you didn't c that one coming
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πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
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Moses was the first one to use control-c as a shortcut
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elliot91
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2015
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One of my favorite puns courtesy of C&H
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πŸ‘€︎ u/novatachyon
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2018
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Did you know that Iceland is only one c away from Ireland?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2019
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My sisters having some pregnancy complications, unsure if it's going to be a natural delivery or a c section. My dad dropped this one.

When are they planning, to call in that order for delivery or is it going to be takeout?

πŸ‘︎ 191
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RalphJameson
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2016
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A pun for my final protect title

Hello! I have to make a presentation about how to avoid a shark attack for a final project in my english class. I suck at making titles, but can anyone come up with a clever one using puns?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/impasta1212
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2021
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Hot and fresh, made to order puns!

Do you need a pun? Just ask!

I can do puns with just one subject, puns that connect two subjects, pun pickup lines, and pun-chlines for jokes of the form "____ walks into a bar."

Just comment on this post with the subject you need a pun on, and I will get back to you as soon as possible.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrAcurite
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
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(Request) Need title for school assignment

Hello there,

I am doing a science project on cleaning products and I need a catchy title, so I figured I would go with a pun. The problem is, I can't think of one! If you guys could help me think of a one-liner pun involving somethng cleaning related, I would be very grateful!

Thanks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rcjuneau
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2013
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Need a pun having to do with Karo Syrup for a good cause!

A friend called as I was walking out the door this morning and said she found out yesterday afternoon that she has breast cancer. She knows when I leave and timed it that way because she couldn't handle a long conversation. Bread dipped in Karo is her big comfort food, so I am wanting to pick some up with a loaf of bread and leave it along with a note by her door. I want the note to be happy/upbeat and figured what's better than a one line pun. Problem is, I am stuck. (see what I did there?)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RaspySalamander
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2017
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Puns for Kids

The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.

Puns for Kids

Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!


What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!


Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.


What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!


Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.


Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.


The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.


How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.


What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!


No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.


Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!


What musical is about a train conductor? β€œMy Fare, Lady”.


A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.


What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.


What animals are on legal documents? Seals!


Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!


Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.


Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!


How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!


Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!


Dockyard: A physician’s garden.


What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!


The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.


β€œWhat’s purple and 5000 miles long?” β€œOoh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!”


Every calendar’s days are numbered.


This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. β€œFour bucks,” says the bartender. β€œPut it on my bill.”


I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.


What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!


When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When he’s a dandelion (dandy lion).


Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.


A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
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Did you know that 10+10 and 11+11 are the same thing?

Because 10+10 is twenty and 11+11 is twenty too..

Edit: thank you for awards, I have never gotten one before. I apologize that this is a repost, I did see it on TikTok and thought that it was cute and wanted to share. In the future I will check the sub for similar content before I post anything.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lewzerman
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
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There are 3 men on a boat.

Each has a cigarette, but nothing to light it with.

So one man throws his cigarette into the water, and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ“…︎ May 13 2021
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Why shouldn't you put more than 239 beans in a soup?

Because adding just one more would make it too farty. Straight from my 7 year old daughter.

Edit: Thank you so much for the awards and upvotes. I showed my daughter how many people saw and appreciated her humor and she's extatic. I know she probably didn't come up with the joke herself but this was one of the first times she really got me with a good one and I thought I'd share it with some fellow dads and others.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oak05
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
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I was in the bar last night when the waitress yells "Does anyone know CPR?"

I yelled back "I know all those letters!" Everyone laughed, well except this one guy.

πŸ‘︎ 369
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PensionNo8124
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2021
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Two potatoes are standing on the street corner. How do you know which one’s a prostitute?

The one with the stickers that says IDAHO πŸ˜‚

πŸ‘︎ 371
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JennJenn5436
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2021
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Why did Eminem prefer the Johnson & Johnson vaccine?

you only get one shot

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ways_and_means
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2021
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Everyone has heard of the historical figure Karl Marx.

But no one remembers his sister, Onya, who invented the starting pistol.

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ivanshu
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2021
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"So you're saying these carbon monoxide sensors are good?"

"Well, no one has come back with a complaint yet."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SystemLog
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2021
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I bought my 10 year old son an acoustic guitar yesterday and he has mastered 3 chords already.

So now the full Oasis songbook is covered he's moved on to a new one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2021
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I farted into my wallet.

Now I have gas money.

(My 13-year-old son told me that one.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Navitach
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2021
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How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb?

One. They're very efficient, and not particularly funny.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ExtraSure
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2021
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True story: I was a kid, watching TV in our living room. My dad was outside using the grill. All of a sudden he bursts in the door hopping on one foot yelling β€œI stepped on a Bee!”

I was so concerned I jumped up and ran over to him...

Earlier that day my friend and I who were really into mountain biking had been using really sticky letters to put our names on our bikes. We were working near the general area of the BBQ.

Apparently I had dropped one...

Stuck to the bottom of my dads foot was the letter B....

A legendary dad joke from a legendary dad.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2021
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I remember a time when plastic surgery was a taboo subject, but nowadays when you mention botox..

..no one even raises an eyebrow.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2021
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What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?

Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wittynutter
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2021
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I told my son that I have 19 jokes about ducks

18 are too fowl to repeat but this one just quacks me up

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OH-Beans
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
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Disarming Skeleton in DnD

Dm: You walk into a room full of skeletons holding onto rusted weapons

Friend #1: Ok.... Uhhhh... Lets disarming the skeletons b4 they come alive.

Friend #2:Good idea, Ill grab the one with the spear.

Friend #3:Ill grab the one with the swords.

Me: and ill grab their arms :>

Friends and DM: -_-

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aarvan05nxt
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2021
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I recently visited Germany...

Absolutely loved it except for one thing: the food was the wurst.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlejandroPiedra
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2021
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The local bartender moved his pub to the summit of a mountain and the quality of his drinks improved

He really raised the bar on that one

πŸ‘︎ 351
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gssn-nospace
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2021
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Why can't some Christians be vegan?

They can't seem to stomach seitan.

Might be an old one that someone else's said but it made me chuckle.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CorgiBacklash
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2021
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And she calls it "This Land"

Having a bit of a discipline issue with my daughter... she'll bring a pile of sand inside and make what she calls her "land". It's sand arranged in a flattish layer, with toy animals and her lego house (Friends^TM , why she no like diggers and helicopters and whatever, why she gotta be so girly??). She doesn't like getting her hand dirty while she's doing it, wears a glove to keep clean, so you'd think she could understand the concept that I don't like the floor getting dirty... but no, she doesn't give a shit.

Had her third birthday party recently, and gave her a Skye (Paw Patrol) plushy, she loves it. Because it's her newest and most favourite toy in the whole world, and because it was for her birthday, we can't confiscate it no matter what.

Very next day, she makes her land again, Skye's there at the side - she's too big to sit in the middle, it would dominate all the plastic dinosaurs and lego Friends people (not the usual mini-figs, they're a bit more anatomically correct, anyway that's not important right now). So I'm all angry and "why you keep doing this", take the glove off her and sweep up the sand. Put her in the time out cage for a bit. Well, we call it the cage, it's just a cupboard under the stairs which is a bit shorter than her so she has to sit there if she doesn't want to bump her head. Throw her in there for one minute per year of age, is the standard procedure.

Anyway, as we close the door she starts singing...

Take my glove

Take my land

Take me where I cannot stand

I don't care

I'm still three

You can't take this Skye from me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cman_yall
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2021
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Redhead Jack

You remember the story of Jack and the Beanstock? Imagine if Jack had red hair.

Hints:

Fee-fi-fo-fum,
I smell the blood of an Englishman,
Be he alive, or be he dead
I'll grind his bones to make my bread.

This one is a bit dark.

Ok, too subtle perhaps:

>!Outside of the U.S., red heads are generally called "gingers". Thus, redhead Jack is a ginger, and if the giant makes his bread from Jack's bones, he has made bread out of a ginger, which makes it...!<

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordRybec
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2021
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Mick Jagger killed two members of a rival band...

Killed two Byrds with one Stone

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πŸ‘€︎ u/13toycar
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2021
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I noticed something about my nipples that makes me a little self-conscious...

Is it normal for the left one to be bigger than the other two?

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PoogeMuffin
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2021
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You know it's a great dadjoke when you say something and your family groans, but the stranger dad behind you laughs.

I was out looking at beds with the family.

Wife: "I really like this bed."

Me: "I like it too, but I think this one is bedder."

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BusyPooping
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2021
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How do you make a Lamborghini?

You get a Sheeporghini and a Ramborghini to fall in love.

My 12-year-old daughter and I came up with this one together.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
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What is the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hardcoredad
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
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What is the difference between an alligator and a crocodile

Timing...one will see you later and one will see you in just a little while.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OH-Beans
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2021
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What's the difference between a cat and a comma?

One has claws at the end of its paws. The other has a pause at the end of its clause.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
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How does an attorney sleep?

First they lie on one side, then they lie on the other

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dinnen1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
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What's the difference between Mordor and the Capital?

One does not simply walk into Mordor

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
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How many Freudian Slips does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two: one to change the bulb, and one to hold me, mother hold the ladder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/silashoulder
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2021
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What’s the favorite band of NASCAR drivers?

One Direction

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kebabsalon
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
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Had a yen to be creative this weekend...

so I crafted a large numeral in the back garden. I chopped, sawed, planed, sanded, and painted that number till it looked amazing. My neighbour looked over the fence and enviously stated β€œNice one!”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jnolife
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2021
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Two big girls walk into a bar

Two big girls walk into a bar

They order drinks, in a thick accent.

"You two ladies from Ireland?" asks the bartender.

Offended, one of them replies *"Wales!"*

"Oh I'm so sorry," says the bartender, "Are you two whales from Ireland?"

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KillerTomatoes6
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2021
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Living with my friend Cole can be tough sometimes.

He's got all these really weird rules you have to follow, like whenever you eat cabbage, he insists you have to eat it with mayonnaise.

It's just Cole's law.

(Thought of this one whilst trying to come up with puns to annoy my husband. He abhors dad jokes, and receiving this look -_- means I did a good job.)

πŸ‘︎ 159
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πŸ‘€︎ u/arthur_nemosnax
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
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Why do you always put your left shoe on last?

After you put one on the other one is left.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PensionNo8124
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2021
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Two goldfish are in a tank.

One says to the other, "do you know how to drive this thing?"

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LayThatPipe
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
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"Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?"

"In case they get a hole in one!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/otzen1122
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2021
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