The guys fixing the potholes on our road have completely disappeared.

I have no idea when they’re going to resurface.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PeteAllan
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 10 2021
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Never blame anyone else for the road you're on...

...that's your own asphalt!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 110
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BastetLXIX
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 10 2021
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someone said that the name scar was a bit on the road

but then i say "no its a big one on his eye"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ben_forever
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 09 2021
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Don’t blame others for the road that you’re on

That’s your own asphalt

πŸ‘οΈŽ 30
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/spwf
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 30 2020
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I ran out of gas on the side of the road. Along comes a swarm of bees.

I was confused, but they seemed friendly. I told them what was going on, and they said: open the gas cap. One by one, each bee flew into the tank, and to my astonishment the gas gage went from empty to full. The bees said: start the car. So, I did and it ran. I asked them: what did you put in the tank? Bee pee.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/cerebolic-parabellum
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 13 2020
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My kids found a kitten on the side of the road

Man it can fart

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/davy_jones898000_V2
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 17 2021
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SpaceX's rocket was designed to be as wide as it could be and still be transported on the roads.

So when the boss wanted to make it larger, they had to elongate it.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/15_Redstones
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 14 2020
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I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog shit

A lady came up behind me and slipped as well, I said I just did that, she slapped me and said use the toilet next time

πŸ‘οΈŽ 112
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/mrjaxson1111
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 19 2020
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This guy was driving on the left side of the road

He just didn't choose the right thing

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/youse_tobail32
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 12 2020
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I told my daughter when she was whining to me about her new boyfriend... β€˜Don’t complain about the road you’re on right now’

That’s your own asphalt

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/superto3
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 11 2020
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During my first month on the road paving crew, they always gave me all the worst jobs. I endured all of it, up until they put me on paint duty...

...that's where I finally had to draw the line.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 25
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 05 2020
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You ever notice how few Deloreans you see on the road?

I guess their owners only drive them from time to time.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 34
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/scrambledeggsalad
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 20 2020
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I couldn't decide on which side of the road I wanted to use my loom. On the northbound side the southbound side looked better. And upon crossing to the southbound side, the northbound side looked better. The cops soon arrested me for operating under the influence.

They said I was weaving all over the road.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 30 2020
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Be careful on the road, my friends!
πŸ‘οΈŽ 39
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/eijensama
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 21 2020
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As we were driving down the road, "Sweet Caroline" came on the radio. I said to my son, "Little known fact, Neil Diamond used to be called Neil Coal."

"Until the pressure got to him."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 28 2019
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I saw a mouse on the road.

It was a roadent

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Killerbunny00
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 09 2020
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I was surprised about a pair of sunglasses on the road today

I got them for free, but that's way below street value

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MajorTom314
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 12 2020
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I found a sack on the side of the road. I reached inside to see if I could figure out who it belonged to. I think it belonged to Santa.

I felt his presents.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 19
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Rlchv70
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 12 2020
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The sporting goods store downtown was having a big sale on canoe paddles, but traffic and road construction made it real pain to get there...

...yeah, it was quite the ordeal to get the oar deal.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 08 2020
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What did the 2x4 say on a road trip?

β€œI’m board, are we stairs yet?”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/NikoBuffalogna
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 10 2020
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πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DavidGreenComic
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 18 2020
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I bought a copy of MS Office, but I dropped it on the road going back to my car...

...well, that's the Word on the street.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 21 2020
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Recently I took my family on a road trip, and we got a flat tire. When my daughter got out of the car to help, she almost got hit by a car.

Good thing she wasn't, that trip would've been short-lived.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SPONGEROBERT123
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 27 2020
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Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his scrabble letters on the road.

I asked him, β€œWhat’s the word on the street?”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/cool-kid103
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 08 2020
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Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?

To go with the traffic jam.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 112
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 02 2019
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Two friends are on a road trip and one if them sees a sign stating they are approaching Louisville. One says "we should stop in 'Louie-ville' for lunch. The other says it's not pronounced 'Louie-ville', it's 'Louis-ville'!

They go back and forth for a while, neither convincing the other that they are right. Finally they decide on a place to eat. When they get to the restaurant, one of the friends asks the person taking their order to settle it once and for all. "Me and my friend are having a debate and hopefully since you live here, you can set my friend straight. Would you please tell us... and say it clear and slow for my friend here... where are we?"

The person behind the counter gets a puzzled look on his face, then says

>!"Buuuuuurrrrrr gerrrrrr Kiiiiiiinnnnggg"!<

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/FaultyData
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 25 2020
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Went for a walk with my son and we saw a man on the side of the road yelling and swearing at his car. My son asked me what I thought the problem was...

I told him it was the car berater.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CSwork1
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 11 2020
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A Ramen Noodle truck overturned on the freeway today, spilling all its contents out onto the road...

Damages are estimated at $4.81 !

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Talon184
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 21 2019
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What did one goose ask the other after looking at the shit on the road?

Goose shit is this?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SadLogarithm
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 29 2020
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Two Donkeys were Standing on the Side of the Road...

One donkey said to the other β€œshall we cross over?” The other said, β€œwe had better be careful look what happened to the Zebra!”

As told to me by my son.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Bic_Parker
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 18 2019
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What do you call a tree walking on the middle of the road

A pedesTREEan

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/normieexterminator69
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Breaking news: Two minibuses carrying jazz musicians have collided on the country’s busiest road

Police say to expect long jams

πŸ‘οΈŽ 27
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 28 2019
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I've just seen a bloke running down the road with a cape on. I shouted, "Are you a superhero?"

He said, "No. I haven't paid for my haircut!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 24
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 04 2019
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I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....

I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road

πŸ‘οΈŽ 24
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Vanpaa
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 23 2019
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Don't blame others for the road you're on.

That's your own asphalt.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 123
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Don’t blame others for the road you’re on...

That’s your own asphalt

πŸ‘οΈŽ 25
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/itiswhatitiskid
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Don’t blame others for the road you’re on.

That’s your own asphalt.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 39
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/chicomagnifico
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Don't blame others for the road you're on.

It's your own asphalt.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 78
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BamaPaul
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 18 2020
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You can’t blame anyone for the road you’re on.

It’s your own asphalt.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/decrepit-heart
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Never blame someone else for the road you are on

It’s your own asphalt.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report
Don't blame others for the road you're on.

It's your own asphalt.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/fuzzusmaximus
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 11 2020
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Don't blame others for the road you're on in life.

That's your own Asphalt.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 39
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thirteen_20
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 22 2020
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Dont blame other for the road you're on.

That's your own asphalt.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Nishireko
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
As we were driving down the road, "Sweet Caroline" came on the radio. I said to my son, "Little known fact, Neil Diamond used to be called Neil Coal."

"Until the pressure got to him."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 1k
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 05 2019
🚨︎ report
As we were driving down the road, "Sweet Caroline" came on the radio. I said to my son, "Little known fact, Neil Diamond used to be called Neil Coal."

"Until the pressure got to him."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 30
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 26 2020
🚨︎ report
You dont see many Delorean's on the road

It’s because the owners only drive them from time to time.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 28
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/poptart100
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?

To go with the traffic jam.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 15
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?

To go with the traffic jam!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/WhereFudgeIsMade
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 19 2019
🚨︎ report

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