The guys fixing the potholes on our road have completely disappeared.
I have no idea when they’re going to resurface.
Never blame anyone else for the road you're on...
...that's your own asphalt!
someone said that the name scar was a bit on the road
but then i say "no its a big one on his eye"
Don’t blame others for the road that you’re on
I ran out of gas on the side of the road. Along comes a swarm of bees.
I was confused, but they seemed friendly. I told them what was going on, and they said: open the gas cap. One by one, each bee flew into the tank, and to my astonishment the gas gage went from empty to full. The bees said: start the car. So, I did and it ran. I asked them: what did you put in the tank? Bee pee.
My kids found a kitten on the side of the road
SpaceX's rocket was designed to be as wide as it could be and still be transported on the roads.
So when the boss wanted to make it larger, they had to elongate it.
I was walking down the road and slipped on some dog shit
A lady came up behind me and slipped as well, I said I just did that, she slapped me and said use the toilet next time
This guy was driving on the left side of the road
He just didn't choose the right thing
I told my daughter when she was whining to me about her new boyfriend... ‘Don’t complain about the road you’re on right now’
During my first month on the road paving crew, they always gave me all the worst jobs. I endured all of it, up until they put me on paint duty...
...that's where I finally had to draw the line.
You ever notice how few Deloreans you see on the road?
I guess their owners only drive them from time to time.
I couldn't decide on which side of the road I wanted to use my loom. On the northbound side the southbound side looked better. And upon crossing to the southbound side, the northbound side looked better. The cops soon arrested me for operating under the influence.
They said I was weaving all over the road.
Be careful on the road, my friends!
As we were driving down the road, "Sweet Caroline" came on the radio. I said to my son, "Little known fact, Neil Diamond used to be called Neil Coal."
"Until the pressure got to him."
I saw a mouse on the road.
I was surprised about a pair of sunglasses on the road today
I got them for free, but that's way below street value
I found a sack on the side of the road. I reached inside to see if I could figure out who it belonged to. I think it belonged to Santa.
The sporting goods store downtown was having a big sale on canoe paddles, but traffic and road construction made it real pain to get there...
...yeah, it was quite the ordeal to get the oar deal.
What did the 2x4 say on a road trip?
“I’m board, are we stairs yet?”
I bought a copy of MS Office, but I dropped it on the road going back to my car...
...well, that's the Word on the street.
Recently I took my family on a road trip, and we got a flat tire. When my daughter got out of the car to help, she almost got hit by a car.
Good thing she wasn't, that trip would've been short-lived.
Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his scrabble letters on the road.
I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”
Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam.
Two friends are on a road trip and one if them sees a sign stating they are approaching Louisville. One says "we should stop in 'Louie-ville' for lunch. The other says it's not pronounced 'Louie-ville', it's 'Louis-ville'!
They go back and forth for a while, neither convincing the other that they are right. Finally they decide on a place to eat. When they get to the restaurant, one of the friends asks the person taking their order to settle it once and for all. "Me and my friend are having a debate and hopefully since you live here, you can set my friend straight. Would you please tell us... and say it clear and slow for my friend here... where are we?"
The person behind the counter gets a puzzled look on his face, then says
>!"Buuuuuurrrrrr gerrrrrr Kiiiiiiinnnnggg"!<
Went for a walk with my son and we saw a man on the side of the road yelling and swearing at his car. My son asked me what I thought the problem was...
I told him it was the car berater.
A Ramen Noodle truck overturned on the freeway today, spilling all its contents out onto the road...
Damages are estimated at $4.81 !
What did one goose ask the other after looking at the shit on the road?
Two Donkeys were Standing on the Side of the Road...
One donkey said to the other “shall we cross over?” The other said, “we had better be careful look what happened to the Zebra!”
As told to me by my son.
What do you call a tree walking on the middle of the road
Breaking news: Two minibuses carrying jazz musicians have collided on the country’s busiest road
Police say to expect long jams
I've just seen a bloke running down the road with a cape on. I shouted, "Are you a superhero?"
He said, "No. I haven't paid for my haircut!"
I was on the road yesterday with my metal detector looking for some cutlery....
I found plenty of spoons and knives but I didn't stop, until I hit a fork in the road
Don't blame others for the road you're on.
Don’t blame others for the road you’re on...
Don’t blame others for the road you’re on.
Don't blame others for the road you're on.
You can’t blame anyone for the road you’re on.
Never blame someone else for the road you are on
Don't blame others for the road you're on.
Don't blame others for the road you're on in life.
Dont blame other for the road you're on.
As we were driving down the road, "Sweet Caroline" came on the radio. I said to my son, "Little known fact, Neil Diamond used to be called Neil Coal."
"Until the pressure got to him."
As we were driving down the road, "Sweet Caroline" came on the radio. I said to my son, "Little known fact, Neil Diamond used to be called Neil Coal."
"Until the pressure got to him."
You dont see many Delorean's on the road
It’s because the owners only drive them from time to time.
Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam.
Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam!
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
