My friend called me and said he lost the million dollar prize because he couldn't think of a neighbor to Saudi Arabia...
My neighbor just asked what I do with “left over” bacon.
I consider myself a bacon connoisseur but I’ve never heard of that kind before, can anyone help me out on this?
My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude.
I personally am on the fence
My neighbor says I’m trespassing. I’m unsure if I am or not.
My neighbor just got arrested for illegally growing Marijuana.
Turns out my property line is not as far as I thought it was.
My neighbor blamed my gravel for making him fall...
But it was his own dumb asphalt...
Dad : Oh no! Our neighbor died!
Mom : Who, Ray?
Dad : I don't think cheering is appropriate Karen
I saw my neighbor talking to her cat this morning...
It was clear she thought the cat understood her.
I came inside and told my dog. We had a good laugh about that.
I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"
She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"
What did a tree say to its annoying neighbor?
My elderly neighbor had some landscapers take care of his lawn every weekend for several years. Recently, he hired a new crew, but forgot to fire the old crew. So this weekend they both showed up to mow his lawn, and got into a fight over who should be there.
He had no idea he had started a turf war.
I think my Australian neighbor is into philosophy
He keeps saying ''Oi, Kant''
My pregnant neighbor was really nervous when the woman who was to assist her in labor was stuck in traffic.
She was having a midwife crisis.
My neighbor drones on and on about his notoriously unreliable Swedish sports car...
It seems like a great big Saab story to me.
My neighbor got hit by a rental car.
If Dwayne Johnson had downstairs neighbors, they would be clueless about just about everything.
You would be too if you lived under a Rock.
My neighbor spent all day laying sod in his front garden, then last night, someone stole it!
He’s outside now, looking forlorn…
The other day I was on the dock talking to two of my neighbors… One of them had a cooler full of beers and snacks… Pulling out a beer pops the top and opening a bag of chips, he says “My wife’s an angel
I said, “you’re lucky – mine is still alive…”
My neighbor is playing very loud music
My next door neighbor and I are good friends, so we decided to share our water supply.
My neighbors always play Lionel Richie very loudly and usually I don't mind.....
But yesterday it was All Night Long
My neighbor is an epileptic midget who really loves pizza.
Seems like everyday he’s having little seizures.
Yemen was having a war with their neighboring countries
They got nuked, and shouted "Oman!"
The police were not convinced that my neighbor had hidden plastic explosives in his basement, so I told them...
When I caught my neighbor attaching a rocket engine to a deer, I immediately reported him to the authorities.
Shame on him for trying to make a quick buck.
I was excavating a large hole in my backyard in order to build an underground office. My neighbor wasn't too happy with the noise and wanted to come and see what all the commotion was about.
I told him to just leave me alone. After all, I'm just mining my own business.
My neighbor planted dogwood trees in his front yard
I’m not a huge fan of the bark
How does Yo-Yo Ma greet his neighbors in the morning?
Chello!
Alternatively:
What is Yo-Yo Ma's favorite dairy dessert?
Chello pudding!
Did you hear about the neighbors floor made out of 10,000 pennies?
Looks like a hundred bucks!
An earthquake destroyed my neighbors house
Good thing It wasn't my "fault"
My wife was complaining about how our next door neighbor's wife started sunbathing nude in their backyard.
Personally, I'm on the fence.
My bee neighbors are so annoying, they talk way too much.
They just drone on and on.
My neighbor was giving away batteries
They were free of charge.
My neighbor asked why i bought a new lawn mower...
..Told him that my old one just wasnting cutting it.
(Neighbor approved)
How can you prove that the "I" before "E" except after "C" doesn't always apply ?
My neighbor is blind but very playful.
He's always up for a knock knock joke no matter what
My neighbor got killed by a truck hauling cabbages
A local man was arrested for attacking his neighbor with a taser that didn't work.
He was charged with assault without battery.
My neighbor asked “what was with your yard?” I said “you mean our yard”
My downstairs neighbor complains that whenever I eat Doritos on my porch, it gets all over him on his patio. As usual, he's exaggerating.
He just has a chip on his shoulder.
In my my neighbor's home, their huge dog frequently sleeps at the landing at the top of their tall staircase causing a possible tripping hazard. Good advice to them....
Persons in their household should watch their steps, particularly early risers.
My friend Richard bought a new house only to rebuild as ugly as he could. All his new neighbors hate him.
My neighbor got mad at me for planting my flowers too close to the fence...
I told them that they were still a few yards away.
I was showing off my hibiscus plants to my neighbor, he says the roots are exposed, and I should get more dirt on them.
So I found out they were both having affairs, and stealing from their company's fundraisers!
My neighbor came over again to tell me about his new lawn, so I told him to get lost.
I’ve heard enough of his sod stories.
My neighbor ran over from his farm and was sobbing. “My sheep are missing!” He cried. “My sheep are missing! Please help me!”
I said “that sounds like a ewe problem.”
A man and his wife had a shed in their backyard. The neighbor asked which of them built it and they both replied that they had built it, leading to a massive argument.
It was a real He-Shed She-Shed situation.
It always sounds like my Italian neighbor is calling my doorbell cute.
He insist it is adoorabell.
I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"
She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"
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