My friend called me and said he lost the million dollar prize because he couldn't think of a neighbor to Saudi Arabia...
๐︎ 13
๐
︎ Jan 14 2021
My neighbor just asked what I do with โleft overโ bacon.
I consider myself a bacon connoisseur but Iโve never heard of that kind before, can anyone help me out on this?
๐︎ 13
๐
︎ Jan 09 2021
My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude.
I personally am on the fence
๐︎ 16k
๐
︎ Sep 06 2020
My neighbor says Iโm trespassing. Iโm unsure if I am or not.
๐︎ 51
๐
︎ Dec 18 2020
My neighbor just got arrested for illegally growing Marijuana.
Turns out my property line is not as far as I thought it was.
๐︎ 34
๐
︎ Dec 11 2020
My neighbor blamed my gravel for making him fall...
But it was his own dumb asphalt...
๐︎ 10k
๐
︎ Jul 24 2020
Dad : Oh no! Our neighbor died!
Mom : Who, Ray?
Dad : I don't think cheering is appropriate Karen
๐︎ 42
๐
︎ Dec 07 2020
I saw my neighbor talking to her cat this morning...
It was clear she thought the cat understood her.
I came inside and told my dog. We had a good laugh about that.
๐︎ 7
๐
︎ Dec 11 2020
I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"
She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"
๐︎ 10k
๐
︎ Jun 24 2020
What did a tree say to its annoying neighbor?
๐︎ 3
๐
︎ Dec 23 2020
My elderly neighbor had some landscapers take care of his lawn every weekend for several years. Recently, he hired a new crew, but forgot to fire the old crew. So this weekend they both showed up to mow his lawn, and got into a fight over who should be there.
He had no idea he had started a turf war.
๐︎ 540
๐
︎ Sep 16 2020
I think my Australian neighbor is into philosophy
He keeps saying ''Oi, Kant''
๐︎ 10
๐
︎ Nov 01 2020
My pregnant neighbor was really nervous when the woman who was to assist her in labor was stuck in traffic.
She was having a midwife crisis.
๐︎ 8
๐
︎ Nov 27 2020
My neighbor drones on and on about his notoriously unreliable Swedish sports car...
It seems like a great big Saab story to me.
๐︎ 12
๐
︎ Nov 05 2020
My neighbor got hit by a rental car.
๐︎ 10
๐
︎ Nov 26 2020
If Dwayne Johnson had downstairs neighbors, they would be clueless about just about everything.
You would be too if you lived under a Rock.
๐︎ 8
๐
︎ Nov 10 2020
My neighbor spent all day laying sod in his front garden, then last night, someone stole it!
Heโs outside now, looking forlornโฆ
๐︎ 2
๐
︎ Dec 05 2020
The other day I was on the dock talking to two of my neighborsโฆ One of them had a cooler full of beers and snacksโฆ Pulling out a beer pops the top and opening a bag of chips, he says โMy wifeโs an angel
I said, โyouโre lucky โ mine is still aliveโฆโ
๐︎ 5
๐
︎ Nov 21 2020
My neighbor is playing very loud music
๐︎ 7
๐
︎ Nov 21 2020
My next door neighbor and I are good friends, so we decided to share our water supply.
๐︎ 9k
๐
︎ Apr 21 2020
My neighbors always play Lionel Richie very loudly and usually I don't mind.....
But yesterday it was All Night Long
๐︎ 9
๐
︎ Nov 14 2020
My neighbor is an epileptic midget who really loves pizza.
Seems like everyday heโs having little seizures.
๐︎ 18
๐
︎ Oct 23 2020
The police were not convinced that my neighbor had hidden plastic explosives in his basement, so I told them...
๐︎ 6
๐
︎ Nov 13 2020
When I caught my neighbor attaching a rocket engine to a deer, I immediately reported him to the authorities.
Shame on him for trying to make a quick buck.
๐︎ 11k
๐
︎ Mar 29 2020
My neighbor planted dogwood trees in his front yard
Iโm not a huge fan of the bark
๐︎ 22
๐
︎ Oct 19 2020
I was excavating a large hole in my backyard in order to build an underground office. My neighbor wasn't too happy with the noise and wanted to come and see what all the commotion was about.
I told him to just leave me alone. After all, I'm just mining my own business.
๐︎ 15
๐
︎ Oct 23 2020
How does Yo-Yo Ma greet his neighbors in the morning?
Chello!
Alternatively:
What is Yo-Yo Ma's favorite dairy dessert?
Chello pudding!
๐︎ 2
๐
︎ Oct 13 2020
Did you hear about the neighbors floor made out of 10,000 pennies?
Looks like a hundred bucks!
๐︎ 2
๐
︎ Oct 05 2020
An earthquake destroyed my neighbors house
Good thing It wasn't my "fault"
๐︎ 2
๐
︎ Oct 16 2020
My wife was complaining about how our next door neighbor's wife started sunbathing nude in their backyard.
Personally, I'm on the fence.
๐︎ 88
๐
︎ Sep 18 2020
My bee neighbors are so annoying, they talk way too much.
They just drone on and on.
๐︎ 2
๐
︎ Oct 08 2020
My neighbor was giving away batteries
They were free of charge.
๐︎ 50
๐
︎ Aug 11 2020
My neighbor asked why i bought a new lawn mower...
..Told him that my old one just wasnting cutting it.
(Neighbor approved)
๐︎ 173
๐
︎ Jul 17 2020
My neighbor is blind but very playful.
He's always up for a knock knock joke no matter what
๐︎ 2
๐
︎ Oct 17 2020
My neighbor got killed by a truck hauling cabbages
๐︎ 7
๐
︎ Sep 05 2020
A local man was arrested for attacking his neighbor with a taser that didn't work.
He was charged with assault without battery.
๐︎ 9
๐
︎ Sep 07 2020
My neighbor asked โwhat was with your yard?โ I said โyou mean our yardโ
๐︎ 40
๐
︎ Jun 17 2020
My downstairs neighbor complains that whenever I eat Doritos on my porch, it gets all over him on his patio. As usual, he's exaggerating.
He just has a chip on his shoulder.
๐︎ 99
๐
︎ Jun 21 2020
In my my neighbor's home, their huge dog frequently sleeps at the landing at the top of their tall staircase causing a possible tripping hazard. Good advice to them....
Persons in their household should watch their steps, particularly early risers.
๐︎ 3
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︎ Sep 22 2020
My friend Richard bought a new house only to rebuild as ugly as he could. All his new neighbors hate him.
๐︎ 7
๐
︎ Aug 03 2020
My neighbor got mad at me for planting my flowers too close to the fence...
I told them that they were still a few yards away.
๐︎ 5
๐
︎ Sep 09 2020
I was showing off my hibiscus plants to my neighbor, he says the roots are exposed, and I should get more dirt on them.
So I found out they were both having affairs, and stealing from their company's fundraisers!
๐︎ 3
๐
︎ Sep 10 2020
My neighbor came over again to tell me about his new lawn, so I told him to get lost.
Iโve heard enough of his sod stories.
๐︎ 11
๐
︎ Aug 20 2020
My neighbor ran over from his farm and was sobbing. โMy sheep are missing!โ He cried. โMy sheep are missing! Please help me!โ
I said โthat sounds like a ewe problem.โ
๐︎ 18
๐
︎ Jul 12 2020
A man and his wife had a shed in their backyard. The neighbor asked which of them built it and they both replied that they had built it, leading to a massive argument.
It was a real He-Shed She-Shed situation.
๐︎ 6
๐
︎ Aug 12 2020
It always sounds like my Italian neighbor is calling my doorbell cute.
He insist it is adoorabell.
๐︎ 2
๐
︎ Aug 27 2020
I saw my neighbor and his family crying this morning
They just got back from a moving sale.
๐︎ 2
๐
︎ Aug 22 2020
My neighbor shingled my roof for free
He said it was on the house
๐︎ 509
๐
︎ Feb 06 2020
I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"
She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"
๐︎ 12k
๐
︎ Aug 22 2019
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