My wife uses nasal spray a lot, to the point we think she is addicted to it. I tried to send her to rehab, but she didn't like it.
She said it was just a bunch of stuffy people.
π︎ 15
π
︎ Mar 21 2021
My Wife got a thin crust pizza for dinner. It reminded me a lot of myself:
No dough and lots of cheese.
π︎ 21
π
︎ Mar 01 2021
My wife said, "You've put on a lot of weight."
I said, " I know! I have had a lot on my plate lately."
π︎ 11
π
︎ Jan 23 2021
My wife says I've been listening to a lot of 80s rock recently
π︎ 11
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︎ Aug 31 2020
My 3yo is in a phase where he makes up words a lot, and today I heard him singing "Crotch-ohs, crotch-ohs" over and over. I told my wife, "That sounds like the worst breakfast cereal ever..."
"But at least it's made with whole groins."
π︎ 12
π
︎ Oct 12 2020
My wife has been online this week, buying lots of black and white fabric.
I do hope she doesnβt make a habit of it
π︎ 51
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︎ Jul 08 2020
My wife changed a lot since becoming a vegan..
It's like I've never seen herbivore
π︎ 21
π
︎ Jun 28 2020
My wife decided to put a bunch of leftover chicken bones in the crockpot so we can make a lot of soup at home as this thing drags on
When it was done she said "we're all stocked up!"
π︎ 2
π
︎ Mar 30 2020
My wife asked me, βDid you experiment a lot in college?β, and I said, βOf course.β
π︎ 43
π
︎ Dec 15 2019
My Latin wife dances a lot as she keeps the floors clean...
π︎ 8
π
︎ Nov 13 2019
My wife is really pissed that I spent a lot of money to buy a make your own perfume kit.
But it just made scents to me.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Jun 20 2019
I told my wife I had a lot of things I needed to get off my chest,
So I asked her for help clearing the junk
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jul 02 2019
My wife just gave birth to our first born, and I noticed hospitals are a lot like hotels
The womb service is great
π︎ 23
π
︎ Feb 08 2019
While pulling into a parking lot my wife noticed a car with a reverse light out.
Our friend in the back seat was a dad for a short while. All I heard her say was "I guess only half of the car is backing up."
I'm so proud of her.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Apr 21 2018
I can tell a lot about my wifeβs mood just by looking at her hands.
For example: If she is holding a gun, sheβs probably angry.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jul 26 2018
My wife encourages me to have a lot of hammers...
We're in a poly-hammerous relationship
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 06 2018
At a concert I didnβt want to go to, I turned to my wife and said, βI hope there is a lot of Ado.β
Her: Huh?
MC: Ladies and Gentlemen, without further ado....
Me: Shit.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jun 21 2018
Talking about human perception and experiences, the husband and wife have a lot to teach us..
Husband: A kiss makes my whole day, anal makes my whole week.
Wife: A kiss makes my whole day, anal makes my hole weak.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Aug 09 2018
My wife says I say ass a lot, butt I donβt.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 05 2018
We've been having a lot of flies in the house lately. I think my wife knows why now.
My wife said "For each one we kill, two emerge."
I said "Looks like we have a flydra problem on our hands."
She walked off.
π︎ 25
π
︎ Jun 06 2016
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
π︎ 16
π
︎ Jan 03 2017
Wife is frying a lot of mushrooms in a tiny pan.
Me: Doesn't look like you have mushroom left in there.
π︎ 6
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︎ May 06 2016
My wife said something that meant a lot to me...
She said "a distinct portion or section of land."
π︎ 13
π
︎ Sep 02 2015
My marraige has had a lot of tension recently, because my wife loves to play tug-of war
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 03 2015
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