What is 1+1?
The little boy replied 11.
I'll give you another chance. What is 1+1?
After some rethinking, the boy answered 10.
Think again
He said 1.
Frustrated by his answers, the teacher asked him "What is your father's profession?"
Programmer
Makes sense. Sit down
We just LOVE Puttin’ on the Ritz!
They're trained for that!
(Mj)
They invented Baroque and Roll.
His dad answers, “It’s terrain.”
And then you had a growth spurt.
It took him a few minutes...
Who is Luke and why is he warm?
It's a reflexive pronoun that means 'me'...
Not many people are aware of its existence but I assure that it is there all the same. The king of this little land faces a lot of difficulty. He wants to make his kingdom into a sovereign nation but unfortunately they do not have the infrastructure, population, or economy to do so. In fact, this small state is only known for a single export. Thanks to their proximity to some of the finest gold and other metals in the world but total lack of an ability to process those metals on a mass scale, they have been left with only one option. You know the saying; when life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Make lemonade they did. This tiny territory is renowned for creating the highest quality watches in the world. No expense is spared and their elite group of craftsmen train for their entire lives from childhood to produce these terrific timepieces. Men of great wealth and taste have been known to trade entire fortunes for just a single one of these watches; that is how valuable they are.
The king knows this and he knows that only a small portion of his populace can ever hope to become one of the respected elite, let alone hold one of their masterpieces in their own hands. Being a very just and fair man, the king ordered the most senior watchmaker in the land to create something the likes of which had never been seen. A watch of such great craftsmanship so as to be above monetary value. The man labored long and hard for many nights to produce the king's watch. When he at last presented the completed work to his lord - in front of the entire nation, no less - he was met with thunderous applause and a warm embrace. He had done it! The king then made a shocking announcement.
"This masterpiece belongs to my people!"
When the roaring of the crowd died down he continued.
"This watch shall be a symbol of my love for all of you. Though I rule over you with supreme authority I do not wish a single one of you to feel that you do not have a voice in the ruling of this nation. From this day on let anyone who doubts my decisions or questions my judgment wear this watch and stand as my equal to voice their concerns. Should even a single one of you think me unfair or wrong in any matter then simply come to my castle and I will present you this token of good faith."
The king made good on his word and from that day on all citizens knew they held the right to challenge their king's rulings. Over time the watch became a symbol of fairness throughout the land. Anyone who wore it
... keep reading on reddit ➡He would snap his fingers when we went under over passes.... Thought this belonged here.
the man frowned and thought "well that's a little con descending."
Little mary jane just LAUGHED and LAUGHED.... she knew it was only a nickle.
And he ran inside screaming "Mommy mommy I've been stung by a bee!"
So Johnny's mother says, "Oh calm down, lets put some cream on it"
At this Little Johnny replies "But how? It must be miles away by now!"
Badum Tsssss
My dad absolutely LOVES this joke, and he tells it to EVERYBODY, at first some people look at him confused but after a second or two everybody gets it and laughs, I swear to god Every. Damn. Time. And I love it
Snick-snackss
Me: If you don't shut up, I'll kill you with my bare hands.
Him: You don't have bare hands, you have human hands!
My little cousin is obsessed with Star Wars and knows way more than anyone I know; so I got him some Lego Star Wars sets and a dearth vader hoodie. Later that night he came up and says,
"How warm is the temperature inside a ton ton?"
"Uh, I'm not sure dude hot warm?"
"Luke warm..."
I've never been more proud of him.
Me: This cd is so sick.
Sister: Why, does it cough a lot?
groans
