Questioned by his friend why he was dressed like that he responded "Im a Chaps-tick"
my dad mocks me by saying, "I loves my new stretch pants. But when I farts, I blows my tennis shoes off."
He threw my shoes at me and said the ol' Chevrolegs will get you there.
(Does anyone know more of these shoe/leg puns?)
Matt.
But I had to break it off
Bob
I was adding insult to injury
His pants fit like a glove.
I'm lack toes intolerant.
The bar tender says “wow how’d you get that peg leg?” The pirate says one day I was out sailing and a shark jumped aboard and tore it clean off” next the bartender asks “and the hook? How’d you get that?” The pirate responds “well we were out whaling and one leapt out of the water and bit my hand clean off” the bartender then asks, “ok so what about the eyepatch??” The pirate responds “I was out walking on the deck of my ship when I looked up and a seagull shit right in my eye” the bartender is a bit confused and says “that made you lose your eye?” “No” says the pirate “it was my first day with the hook!”
When I found out why I’m glad I didn’t go - the show wasn’t that humerus and the staff was short handed.
I said decaf.
An ambulance.
I kept them in the unstable
It doesn't matter what you call it, he's not coming.
The enemy: aww, you de-feeted me
He never told me the name of his other leg.
Right where you left him.
A wolf...
I just added the cement to make it hard.
A rookie!
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs .....at your front door? Matt
...in your swimming pool? Bob
....in your mailbox? Bill
What do you call a woman with no arms and no legs who is popular with the boys? Hedy
What do you call a woman with no arms and 1 leg? Eileen
What do you call a Chinese woman with no arms and 1 leg? Irene
It was a real shindig
It’s not going tibia ok for a while
He looks at the bartender and says, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
Itchy knee
Ground beef.
And a cow that plays with himself?
Beef stroganoff
Edited (h/t Hour_Radio1328 & logixdude)
total legend
Because they constantly ask "Knee-How?"
Luckily he still made the cast.
the Three Musketeers!
An O-limp-ian
If they lifted up the other one, they’d fall over.
I was appalled.
A cow walking backwards
A staff asked me what I am doing with that. I replied, "Roasted with potatoes, vegetables and a lamb sauce would be great."
But then I broke it off.
Grasias...
Exactly where you left it.
Labracadabrador
I was just adding insult to injury.
Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesn't matter, it's not coming.
Right where you left it.
....sadly, she broke it off."
Matt
