A hematophagous Arachnid Acari showed up wearing sturdy leather leggings with a belt.
Questioned by his friend
why he was dressed like that he responded "Im a
Chaps-tick"
π︎ 7
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︎ Apr 09 2020
Whenever I wear leggings,
my dad mocks me by saying, "I loves my new stretch pants. But when I farts, I blows my tennis shoes off."
π︎ 6
π
︎ Feb 23 2014
I asked my dad if I could borrow the car
He threw my shoes at me and said the ol' Chevrolegs will get you there.
(Does anyone know more of these shoe/leg puns?)
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 13 2017
I've invented a sandal for one legged people...
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Dec 09 2020
What do you call a cow without legs?
Ground beef.
(My Dad was very excited to tell me this during our video chat tonight)
π︎ 92
π
︎ Jan 03 2021
What do you call an Italian moose with one leg shorter than the others?
π︎ 39
π
︎ Jan 24 2021
What's green, has 4 legs, and could kill you if it fell out of a tree?
π︎ 231
π
︎ Dec 20 2020
What do you call a 1 legged Fox?
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jan 24 2021
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pool?
π︎ 21
π
︎ Jan 01 2021
Before the clock strikes midnight on december 31st be sure to lift your left leg
That way you will start off the new year on the right foot
π︎ 198
π
︎ Dec 29 2020
Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs?
Because the cow has the udder
π︎ 273
π
︎ Dec 12 2020
A man woke up in the hospital after a serious accident, the man yelled "DOCTOR! DOCTOR, I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!"
The doctor then replied "i know, i amputated your arms."
π︎ 61
π
︎ Jan 15 2021
what do you call a three legged donkey
π︎ 27
π
︎ Jan 22 2021
Remember to lift your left leg up off the ground during the New Years countdown
So you can start the New Year off on the right foot
Edit: Thanks for the silver
π︎ 100
π
︎ Dec 30 2020
Why can't people without legs drink milk
π︎ 32
π
︎ Jan 06 2021
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places.
He told me to quit going to those places.
π︎ 33
π
︎ Jan 13 2021
I know why beer and frog legs go together so well!
π︎ 33
π
︎ Jan 25 2021
Why do we tell actors to βbreak a leg?β
Because every play has a cast.
π︎ 136
π
︎ Dec 10 2020
Kid: Why do you stand on one leg while you get money out of the ATM?
Dad: Iβm checking my balance.
π︎ 35
π
︎ Jan 23 2021
What do you call a woman with one leg?
Eileen......
What do you call a woman with two legs?
Noleen
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jan 02 2021
When it comes to decorating the Christmas tree, I've got a leg up on the competition. My cat says I passed out under the tree again, but I told her to stop pulling my leg.
π︎ 50
π
︎ Dec 28 2020
My dog moon got his leg amputated, but that's ok...
He's a got a faux pas now
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jan 05 2021
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Doesn't matter it won't come
π︎ 16
π
︎ Jan 05 2021
I have 6 legs, 8 arms, and 10 heads. What am I?
π︎ 485
π
︎ Nov 02 2020
Why does a flamingo stand on one leg?
Because if it didn't it would fall over.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 12 2021
Barack Obama went to a costume party giving his wife a piggyback. Someone asks what he is and says "I'm a snail!"
"That's M'Shell on my back!"
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Jan 25 2021
What do crocodiles wear to keep their legs dry in the water?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 04 2021
I dated a woman with a wooden leg.
It wasn't working out, so I broke it off. Sorry Peg.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 11 2021
They tried to sack her, and she didnβt have a leg to stand on...
π︎ 243
π
︎ Nov 01 2020
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesnβt matter they wonβt come anyway.
π︎ 44
π
︎ Dec 09 2020
Where do you find a turtle with no legs?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 18 2021
Last night I dreamt I was in a swordfight with a knight, and he cut off the bottom part of my legs.
π︎ 30
π
︎ Dec 10 2020
So I ate some frog legs for the first time tonight
They were pretty good. Only problem is, I now have a frog in my throat!
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 17 2021
What do you call 2 guys with no arms and no legs standing in the windowsill?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jan 15 2021
If girls with big boobs work at Hooters where do girls with only one leg work?
π︎ 58
π
︎ Dec 03 2020
My cat came up to me and meowed imploringly then started massaging my leg with its paws...
π︎ 11
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︎ Jan 11 2021
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
She didnβt razor right.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 10 2021
I was dating a girl with a wooden leg
π︎ 54
π
︎ Oct 27 2020
My brother lost his left arm and left leg in a terrible auto accident.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 16 2020
What do you call a cow with long legs
π︎ 73
π
︎ Nov 01 2020
My legs arenβt made for walking
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 01 2021
Make sure that your left leg is up before the clock hits midnight tomorrow.
That way you start 2021 on the right foot.
π︎ 37
π
︎ Dec 30 2020
Why do we tell actors to break a leg?
Because there's always a cast
π︎ 11
π
︎ Jan 18 2021
What do you call s man with no arms and legs in a swimming pool?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 10 2021
What do you call a cow with no legs?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 26 2020
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter what you call him..
He wont come anyways
π︎ 14
π
︎ Dec 22 2020
Just before midnight tonight, Iβll lift up my left leg.
That way, I can start the new year on the right foot.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 31 2020
What has 8 legs, 8 arms, and 8 eyes?
π︎ 56
π
︎ Nov 18 2020
What do you call a cow with no legs?
π︎ 16
π
︎ Nov 21 2020
Before the clock strikes midnight on December 31st be sure to lift your left leg.
That way you will start the new year off on the right foot.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 30 2020
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