A hematophagous Arachnid Acari showed up wearing sturdy leather leggings with a belt.

Questioned by his friend why he was dressed like that he responded "Im a Chaps-tick"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NetScr1be
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Whenever I wear leggings,

my dad mocks me by saying, "I loves my new stretch pants. But when I farts, I blows my tennis shoes off."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/netfilx
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2014
🚨︎ report
I asked my dad if I could borrow the car

He threw my shoes at me and said the ol' Chevrolegs will get you there.

(Does anyone know more of these shoe/leg puns?)

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2017
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I've invented a sandal for one legged people...

It was a flop.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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What do you call a cow without legs?

Ground beef.

(My Dad was very excited to tell me this during our video chat tonight)

πŸ‘︎ 92
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mgereau
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
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What do you call an Italian moose with one leg shorter than the others?

Moose so leany.

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CMoy1980
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
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What's green, has 4 legs, and could kill you if it fell out of a tree?

A pool table.

πŸ‘︎ 231
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
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What do you call a 1 legged Fox?

Terry

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vancity1985
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
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What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a pool?

Bob

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
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Before the clock strikes midnight on december 31st be sure to lift your left leg

That way you will start off the new year on the right foot

πŸ‘︎ 198
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πŸ‘€︎ u/noodlesvonsoup
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs?

Because the cow has the udder

πŸ‘︎ 273
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Packaging69
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
A man woke up in the hospital after a serious accident, the man yelled "DOCTOR! DOCTOR, I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!"

The doctor then replied "i know, i amputated your arms."

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CreepyPastaKing1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
🚨︎ report
what do you call a three legged donkey

a wonkey

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/firevixen128
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2021
🚨︎ report
Remember to lift your left leg up off the ground during the New Years countdown

So you can start the New Year off on the right foot

Edit: Thanks for the silver

πŸ‘︎ 100
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crustydog19
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Why can't people without legs drink milk

They lactose

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedForkKnife
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
🚨︎ report
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places.

He told me to quit going to those places.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
I know why beer and frog legs go together so well!

It's the HOPS!

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BastetLXIX
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
Why do we tell actors to β€œbreak a leg?”

Because every play has a cast.

πŸ‘︎ 136
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kattykat21
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Kid: Why do you stand on one leg while you get money out of the ATM?

Dad: I’m checking my balance.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/daviscojokes
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a woman with one leg?

Eileen......

What do you call a woman with two legs?

Noleen

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wondrouswanderer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
🚨︎ report
When it comes to decorating the Christmas tree, I've got a leg up on the competition. My cat says I passed out under the tree again, but I told her to stop pulling my leg.
πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stalnoypirat
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My dog moon got his leg amputated, but that's ok...

He's a got a faux pas now

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cow with no legs?

Doesn't matter it won't come

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoMoreTerritory
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
🚨︎ report
I have 6 legs, 8 arms, and 10 heads. What am I?

A liar.

πŸ‘︎ 485
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cosh1990
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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Why does a flamingo stand on one leg?

Because if it didn't it would fall over.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nolan-
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Barack Obama went to a costume party giving his wife a piggyback. Someone asks what he is and says "I'm a snail!"

"That's M'Shell on my back!"

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chainsmoker88
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
What do crocodiles wear to keep their legs dry in the water?

Gaiters.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
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I dated a woman with a wooden leg.

It wasn't working out, so I broke it off. Sorry Peg.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
They tried to sack her, and she didn’t have a leg to stand on...
πŸ‘︎ 243
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kelly240361
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a dog with no legs?

Doesn’t matter they won’t come anyway.

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Project_1nth
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Where do you find a turtle with no legs?

Right where you left it.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
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Last night I dreamt I was in a swordfight with a knight, and he cut off the bottom part of my legs.

Sadly I was defeated.

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kiltebeest
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
So I ate some frog legs for the first time tonight

They were pretty good. Only problem is, I now have a frog in my throat!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HissingGoose
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call 2 guys with no arms and no legs standing in the windowsill?

...Curt & Rod

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/purcy_77
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
🚨︎ report
If girls with big boobs work at Hooters where do girls with only one leg work?

IHOP

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RICKDOGG424
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
My cat came up to me and meowed imploringly then started massaging my leg with its paws...

My cat kneads me!

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.

She didn’t razor right.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
I was dating a girl with a wooden leg

but I broke it off.

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DaFunkJunkie
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
My brother lost his left arm and left leg in a terrible auto accident.

He is all right, now.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/numberthu
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cow with long legs

High steaks

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheExplodingPie
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
My legs aren’t made for walking

They’re bees knees

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bearclawbear
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Make sure that your left leg is up before the clock hits midnight tomorrow.

That way you start 2021 on the right foot.

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DaddyRecon
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do we tell actors to break a leg?

Because there's always a cast

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ploopy_R
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call s man with no arms and legs in a swimming pool?

Bob.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/s_tormbringr
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a dog with no legs?

It doesn't matter what you call him..

He wont come anyways

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Just before midnight tonight, I’ll lift up my left leg.

That way, I can start the new year on the right foot.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ajd011394
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
What has 8 legs, 8 arms, and 8 eyes?

8 pirates!

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dashoverkill
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DrunkAmig0
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Before the clock strikes midnight on December 31st be sure to lift your left leg.

That way you will start the new year off on the right foot.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OwenJthomas89
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report

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