A hematophagous Arachnid Acari showed up wearing sturdy leather leggings with a belt.
Questioned by his friend
why he was dressed like that he responded "Im a
Chaps-tick"
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︎ Apr 09 2020
Whenever I wear leggings,
my dad mocks me by saying, "I loves my new stretch pants. But when I farts, I blows my tennis shoes off."
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︎ Feb 23 2014
I asked my dad if I could borrow the car
He threw my shoes at me and said the ol' Chevrolegs will get you there.
(Does anyone know more of these shoe/leg puns?)
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︎ Mar 13 2017
A coworker of mine spilled boiling hot coffee on my leg and had the nerve to ask where it hurts
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︎ Apr 15 2021
What do you call a dog without legs?
It doesn't matter what you call it, he's not coming.
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︎ Mar 20 2021
No arms no legs
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs .....at your front door?
Matt
...in your swimming pool?
Bob
....in your mailbox?
Bill
What do you call a woman with no arms and no legs who is popular with the boys?
Hedy
What do you call a woman with no arms and 1 leg?
Eileen
What do you call a Chinese woman with no arms and 1 leg?
Irene
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︎ Apr 28 2021
have you heard of the guy who broke his legs on purpose?
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︎ Apr 29 2021
A physician broke his leg while auditioning for a play.
Luckily he still made the cast.
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︎ Apr 17 2021
Why do flamingos stand on one leg?
If they lifted up the other one, theyβd fall over.
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︎ Apr 13 2021
What has six legs and feathers?
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︎ Mar 28 2021
What do you do with a dog without legs?
You drag it around the block
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︎ Apr 27 2021
I was engaged to a girl with a wooden leg once...
....sadly, she broke it off."
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︎ Apr 17 2021
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
π︎ 48
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︎ Mar 23 2021
Where do you find a cow with no legs ?
Exactly where you left it.
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︎ Apr 02 2021
A three legged dog walks into a saloon and says
I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.
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︎ Apr 28 2021
What do you call a donkey with 3 legs ?
π︎ 9
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︎ Apr 22 2021
My monitor is on it's last legs
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︎ Mar 23 2021
Why did Bono fall off the stage and break a leg?
He got too close to the edge.
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︎ Apr 29 2021
My chair is missing an arm and a leg
And that doesn't sit well with me.
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︎ Mar 22 2021
A one legged man walks into a bank
and tells the banker im here to check my balance
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︎ Mar 28 2021
What has 4 legs and goes AAAaaaah ?
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︎ Apr 05 2021
I've invented a sandal for one legged people...
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︎ Dec 09 2020
my legs were thrown into jail today
I heard they committed a felo-knee
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︎ Apr 01 2021
My Dad got his Covid vaccine in his leg
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︎ Feb 28 2021
Prosthetic leg
This guy came into my work and had a prosthetic leg, and wasnβt wearing a mask. Youβd think heβd put a mask on considering heβs already on his last leg.
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︎ Mar 20 2021
I donβt hate leg day..
Itβs the two days after I canβt stand!!
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︎ Mar 11 2021
What do you call a cow with no legs?
π︎ 6
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︎ Mar 12 2021
What do you call a group of deaf people?
I don't know. But it is definitely not herd.
π︎ 7k
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︎ Apr 02 2021
My uncle's wife is a centimeter tall, has six legs, and is always on edge.
I guess you could say she's a little a(u)nt-sy.
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︎ Mar 10 2021
What do you call a guy who just got a leg bitten off by a lion?
π︎ 63
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︎ Mar 04 2021
Went to a Japanese restaurant and ordered toad legs
Miso Horny, as they called it
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︎ Apr 09 2021
When my wife and I started dating, I took her on a date that cost an arm and a leg.
I guess you could say I went out on a limb for her.
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︎ Feb 25 2021
TIL the meaning when someone says "Break a leg."
They're hoping you're gonna be in a cast.
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︎ Feb 24 2021
I once knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith
but for the life of me I can't remember the name of his other leg.
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︎ Feb 20 2021
What do you call a cow without legs?
Ground beef.
(My Dad was very excited to tell me this during our video chat tonight)
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︎ Jan 03 2021
What's green, has 4 legs, and could kill you if it fell out of a tree?
π︎ 234
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︎ Dec 20 2020
I Told My Doctor I Broke My Leg In 2 Places
He said not to go to those places again
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︎ Feb 23 2021
I saw a picture of a dog that had four prosthetic legs.
π︎ 8
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︎ Mar 19 2021
How do you get around if you don't have legs?
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︎ Feb 24 2021
I broke my leg and had to go on Short Term Disability
It really confused me when HR told me it was a STD.
(This actually happened to me. HR emailed my insurance company telling them that I have a STD injury. Now I use the joke all of the time)
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︎ Mar 08 2021
What's got three legs...
...a yellow belly, a red back, lives underground, and eats rocks?
A Three Legged Yellow Bellied Red Back Rock Eater!
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︎ Mar 08 2021
Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs?
Because the cow has the udder
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︎ Dec 12 2020
βWell, this thingβs all screwed!β Wife shouts as the leg breaks off my handmade dining table today.
βDang!β I replied. βI really thought Iβd nailed it.β
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︎ Mar 12 2021
What do you call a man with no arms or legs?
π︎ 2
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︎ Apr 23 2021
What do you call a dog, with no legs?
It doesnt matter, he is not coming
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︎ Apr 08 2021
I once dated a girl with a wooden leg.
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︎ Feb 16 2021
Where do you find a Dog without legs?
π︎ 9
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︎ Apr 08 2021
What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in the ocean??
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︎ Mar 04 2021
What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a ditch?
π︎ 4
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︎ Mar 04 2021
What do you call a cow with no legs?
π︎ 42
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︎ Jan 28 2021
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