I once dated a girl missing 1 leg, it didn't work out though...
I'm lack toes intolerant.
A coworker of mine spilled boiling hot coffee on my leg and had the nerve to ask where it hurts
I said decaf.
My hand slipped off the handle of the casket while carrying it to the hearse and left a deep bruise on my leg.
I was appalled.
What's green, has 4 legs, and could kill you if it fell out of a tree?
A pool table.
Well, I got my vaccine today but the nurse put it in the top of my leg.
Pfizer killing me now
When it comes to decorating the Christmas tree, I've got a leg up on the competition. My cat says I passed out under the tree again, but I told her to stop pulling my leg.
My cat came up to me and meowed imploringly then started massaging my leg with its paws...
My cat kneads me!
What did the Turkey say after its leg got bitten off
“Lost my leg in ‘nom”
Broke a leg , it hurts so much
Had to take my friend to the hospital
Son: There's a life-sized "Leg lamp" at the light display! It's like 4 feet tall!
Me: No, it's only one foot.
My mother’s leg was amputated 2 years ago. I wrote this punderful post to make her smile. It was more than successful and also impressed her doctor.
What does a spider have if it is into spiders with really long legs?
Daddy issues
Some asshole cut off both my arms and a leg a while ago. But it's ok...
...I don't hold crutches.
Why is it good luck to say 'break a leg' to an actor?
Because every play needs a cast
Beelieve me or not there is a small ball of pollen in the beehind legs of the bees and they also have the abeelity to eat it
I’ve got a tumor on my leg. I didn’t enjoy it the first few months...
but it’s growing on me.
Only part of my leg fell asleep but it's been asleep a long time
I fear I have coma toes
My tailor kept yanking my pant leg til it dragged across the carpet.
"Bro, would you cut me some slack?"
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef. If the cow has no legs, then it’s ground beef.
I tapped my 11 year old son’s knee yesterday and said “what organ is this?” He said “umm, my leg?” I said “nope it’s your kid knee”.
BREAKING NEWS: The man who wrote the hokey pokey died today, according to officials they struggled getting him into the body bag because they put his right leg in, then his right leg out, in out in out they shook it all about.
An oracle once told me it was fate that I had banged my leg into a table at school.
I guess it was my.. Desk to knee.
If an octopus is an octopus because it has eight legs, does that mean that cats should instead be called quadropuss?
You know, because it has four legs... and a cat is also called a puss.
Lift your left leg up for 30 seconds when it's 11:59:45 tonight.
That way you will start 2019 off on the right foot.
Have you heard about the guy who lost his left arm and leg? It's ok, he's all right now.
I won a battle against a spider by pulling off all its legs...
You could say I de-feeted-it.
Every year on New Year's Eve, when everyone's counting down the final 10 seconds to ring in the new year, I get up off the couch and stand up. I stand up and raise my left leg and just leave it raised for a little while until the countdown finishes and midnight strikes
that way I always start the new year off on the right foot
It's weird how everyone in the military skips leg day
They all look army
I can't stand it when my tripod loses a leg.
A woman gave birth to a head: no arms, no legs, no torso. They named it "Rary" as this was so rare. Rary was not happy and constantly swore. Having enough, the family goes to the Grand Canyon and toss Rary in. As they look over the edge, the mother comments:
It's a Long, Long Way to Tipperary
I saw an ant. It had long legs, so I squished it.
My policy is zero taller ants.
What does a spider have at the end of it's legs?
It's body.
Doctor doctor, when I press on my arm it hurts, when I press on my leg it hurts even when I press on my chest it hurts.
Ah, the doctor said, I see you’ve got a broken finger
What's green, fuzzy, has 4 legs, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?
A pool table!
What’s big, green, fuzzy, has four legs, and will kill you if it falls on you out of a tree?
A pool table.
Whats green has 6 legs and if it fell out of a tree on top of you it would kill you.
A snooker table!
What’s green, has four legs, and is deadly when it jumps on you?
A billiards table
What's green, brown, has four legs and when it falls on you it will kill you?
A billiard's table.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef. If the cow has no legs, then it’s ground beef.
What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree it would hurt you?
A pool table.
Lift your left leg up for over a minute when it's 11:59:30 tonight
That way you start 2018 off on the right foot!
