Just figured I’d announce that I’ll be doing a theatrical performance on puns later this week.
On Father's Day my family went strawberry picking. Later on, we decided to make a jam...
...from the fruits of our labor
Later in Forrest Gump’s life, he puts on a little weight and opens a business collecting old plumbing materials.
It was called the Plump Gump Sump Pump Dump.
My wife is teaching my little ones (3/1) about bugs so they wrote “Ant” in honey on a piece of paper to attract them and set it out on the deck. She was sad When we went out to check later that day, only one was there.
You should have pluralized it and more would have shown up!
As I got on the 51st floor, the elevator attendant said "see you later, son". I said indignantly, "don't call me 'son', you're not my dad!"
... To which the lift attendant replied, "Maybe not, but I brought you up, didn't I?"
The other day I was walking down the street and I commented that I like someone’s spunky shoes. 10 minutes later I passed her again and she gave me a $5 bill she found on the ground.
That’s karma in real life
I stood up in the middle of a meeting to fix the time on the clock. My boss told me sit down and do it later. I said...
“I guess it’s probably the wrong time.”
I found a nickel on the ground today and I have a feeling I’m going to find a penny later.
My wife had two crowns put on her teeth yesterday. She was complaining about the pain and the dentist gave her some medication for it. We are talking later and she said that she waited too long between the first and second pill and her teeth started to ache again. I asked her what time that was.
She said she didn't remember.
I asked her if it was around tooth hurty!
She got mad and hit me in the arm and stopped talking to me for a while.
Totally worth it.
I called my boss to let him know I wanted to come in later this morning. He said, “Dream on”.
The pun gods shone upon me while I was on the toilet. Made this minutes later.
I went fishing. I was out of worms, but was saving a can of alphabet soup for lunch, so I put some letters on the line and hoped for the best. Moments later, I caught a whopper, and boy, he started talking! The fish said:
"Hooked on phonics worked for me!"
Watching Pavarotti on TV last night, I was reminded that in his later years he became a camper-van enthusiast
He had a van adapted to his own specification, which subsequently was often seen overnight in the car parks of the world's best opera houses. After his death, the Japanese manufacturers used it as the flagship model of a new range. We've all heard of the 'Nissan Dormer'.
I'm going to crush and preserve some strawberries with the Red Hot Chili Peppers later on today...
We're having a jam session.
My friend works as a teacher. She lost her cool with one of the students, so later on the student gave her this... She gave her back her cool...
http://i.imgur.com/nopDbpw.jpg
As I got on the 51st floor, the elevator attendant said ''see you later, son I said indignantly, ''don't call me 'son' you're not my dad!''
To which the lift attendant replied:
"Maybe not, but I brought you up
didn't l?"
Today I found a penny on the street and later on another penny...
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