I have to tell someone about this because I'm at home alone with my 2 year old and 11 month old, and they're to young to understand my best dad joke ever.
My 2 year old has cereal in her snack cup and just showed me that there was a piece of cereal in her sleeve. I said, "Looks like you got some tricks up your sleeve." GUESS WHAT KIND OF CEREAL SHE WAS EATING!.....IT WAS TRIX!
Edit: Thanks for my first gold!
Do you want to know a joke about the Chinese government?
*This is a literal Dad Joke my father used to tell when I was a kid about 30 years ago. He's almost 80 now and it still makes him laugh.* - So, there was this man named James Fart. Everybody made fun of him since he was very young. "James Fart! James Fart" the bullies used to make him cry...
He came of age among this suffering and at 21 was finally able to legally change his name. He arrived at the government office where he presented himself:
-I'm James Fart and I want to legally change my name!
Of course they laughed at him (everybody did) but eventually they all settled and came around to the situation.
-Ok, so... your current name is.. ·chuckles· James Fart... I'm sorry, I just...
-I know, everybody has been laughing at my name since as long as I can remember.
After a long and tedious process, everything is ready.
-Very well, sorry for the delays but you know how hard this protocols are. The good news: you are no longer "James Fart", what name do you want instead?
-Charles Fart.
I was going to put a joke on here about carpentry.
But i didn't think it wood work.
I have lots of jokes about communism
But unfortunately I have to share them all with you.
I told a joke to a Japanese guy earlier about Sodium and Nickel...
He didn't get it though, so he just said "NaNi?!"
I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing.
This is as close as I could get.
I want to tell a joke about cutting meat...
But I’m afraid I’ll butcher it.
Did you see the joke I posted recently about my spine?
I have a scary joke to tell you about maths
I was going to make a joke about this mahogany bird, but that would be so immature...wooden tit.
I had a joke about rifled barrels
but it was pretty boring.
I made up a couple of jokes about undelivered letters.
But no one seems to get them.
You’re not going to offend anyone with jokes about legless cows.
I'm really sick of all the jokes about socialism. It's just not funny.
Unless everyone gets them.
I like jokes about the eyes
I wrote some new jokes and they’re all about butter.
They’re margarinely funny.
I would tell a joke about quantum mechanics...
But if you saw it, it wouldn't be as good
I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.
I was going to tell you a joke about cows
But I bet you have herd it
I was going to make a joke about the unemployed...
but I couldn’t find one that worked.
Did you hear about the guy who invented the 'Knock Knock' joke ?
He won the "No-Bell Prize"
I've got a great joke about construction
but I'm still working on it
I was going to share a joke about sodium on here...
...But then I thought, "Na, they've probably heard it before."
Want to hear a joke about paper ?
My son found out about the "secret place for dad jokes" I use for my material.
He said he'll be joining it once he has kids.
I bought him a goat.
So, hello and welcome to Reddit Dadjokes son!
Want to hear a joke about paper?
I’m warning you. It’s tare-able
Have you heard the dad joke about the bed?
Dad: Do you want to hear a joke about ghosts?
(Me): No Dad, I don't.
||
(Dad): That's the spirit.
Elon Musk just cracked a great joke about going to Mars, was it off the cuff?
I had a joke about an elephant
Have you heard the joke about getting rid of covid?
I have joke about left-handers.
The only issue is I’m having trouble finding the right audience.
I have a joke about ducks.
Nvm I don't think it would quack you up.
A joke about a suit that doesn’t fit?
Hey fam... My grandpa passed away yesterday and as I’ve been reflecting on old memories I vaguely remembered this old joke he used to tell me. I was hoping maybe someone in this community could help. I don’t remember much about it other than that it was about a suit that didn’t fit and the person in the joke had to keep getting it tailored. And maybe it was just the way my grandpa told the joke, but he’d always make this really theatrical voice and yell “hey! what did you do to my new suit?!”
If anyone can help a grieving girl out that would be swell. :)
I was gonna make up a joke about Linkin Park
But in the end it doesn’t even matter....
🤦🏻♂️
I really wanted to make a joke about cheese..
But I couldn’t find one that was Gouda-nuff.
Wanna hear a joke about pizza?
Never mind, it’s too cheesy..
Somebody told me a joke about electricity.
I wqs planning to make a joke about an aircraft's aerofoils, but then I thought...
I thought about making dad jokes about star wars...
But I don't want to stoop Solo.
I once heard a joke about a window.
I was going to write a joke about bread
But I thought most of you would find it rather stale
Don’t try to tell jokes about IKEA
They’re impossible to put together if you don’t have the instructions.
Have you heard the joke about paper?
Nevermind, it’s tearable.
I thought I had a good joke about a contagious disease but I was wrong.
In olden times, making jokes about the way words sound was unfavored by society and would warrant a sever beating.
This ritual beating was called a PUN-ishment
I have a joke about math.
Dad: Did you hear the joke about farmer brown? Me: No
Dad: Well maybe I’ll tell you someday
I was going to make a dad joke about the center of the earth...
Coming up with dad jokes is all about Vice Presidential timing.
There is an Al Gore rhythm.
My wife just hit me with a dad joke: "Hey, you wanna hear a joke about pizza?"
"Sure"
"Nah, it's too cheesy..."
I had a joke about grocery stores but now is not the right time to tell it
I think aisle tell it later
My friend told me a joke about the covering of the iris. Sure, I laughed...
But it was cornea as ever.
Not to brag, but I think I came up with a good joke about the Ozone Layer.
I accidentally made a joke about super smash bros
I didn't nintendoe do that
Did you know I like dad jokes about eyes?
The cornea the better.
Well, I didn't make that joke. But being a pupil of dad jokes, iris I thought of that one.
I was going to make a joke about a professional Boxer
But he blocked my punch line
I don't usually brag about my drum jokes but um...
I tried to come up with a good dad joke about cars
I would tell a joke about how to use rope...
but it is knot that funny.
What I like about glove jokes
Is that they always come in handy
I'd tell you a joke about a roof...
But it would be over your head.
As a doctor, I never make a joke about an unvaccinated baby.
But let me give it a shot.
Did you hear about the Dad joke sweeping the globe?
Its called the Groaner virus
I was going to make a joke about cash Machines but
I can’t think of any atm.
Nobody likes my joke about paper
Ever hear the joke about the monorail?
I would make a joke about Nirvana but...
I love jokes about monorails.
Those are my favourite one liners.
There’s a reasonable I don’t tell jokes about fungi.
Too mushroom for error.
Edit: reason damn auto fill.
My jokes about dropping pancakes never get a laugh.
I have a joke about midnight.
But it’s probably too dark.
My dad says I won't get the joke he has about my new toupee.
He said it would go over my head.
I would tell you guys a joke about this girl I know who only eats greens, however
You guys probably never heard of herbivore
Have you heard the joke about the broken pencil?
There is no point to it anymore!
I had a dream about this joke
What do you call a french mushroom when they’ve won a bunch of awards? 🍄
champignons
I wrote a joke about leather the other day.
I can’t seem to find it though; it must be hide-ing.
I'm trying to remember a joke about a statue head
I can't though, it's a bust...
Want to hear a joke about cheese?
Nevermind, it's not even remotely Gouda.
I remember when I made a joke about a kid dying. My dad sat me down on the couch and told me in a serious voice "jokes about kids dying young...
Trying to write some clean jokes about bowling balls
but they keep ending up in the gutter.
I thought I would tell a joke about this new set of drills I got.
I’m sure it would just bore you though.
I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.
Have you heard the joke about construction?
Ah, I'm still working on it.
I have a few jokes about unemployed people
I have a few jokes about unemployed people
I made a joke about wine in my office, no one laughed
You wanna hear a joke about construction
Nevermind I'm still working on it.
I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing
But this is as close as I could get
Did you hear the joke about getting rid of COVID-19?
Want to hear a joke about construction?
I would tell you a joke about vacuums...
Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
I have a bunch of jokes about people who are unemployed.
Did you hear about the guy who invented the 'knock knock' joke?
Did you know I like dad jokes about eyes?
I have a joke about construction.
Jokes about communism aren’t funny
Unless everyone gets them!!
Want to hear a joke about Construction?
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