People in a crowded hall were all exhaling in a competition to see who could exhale the longest. The most illiterate one butted in, saying;
“Sighs doesn’t matter, guys!”
Puns about the body are usually corny. But puns about the eyes are even
IMDb rating 4.3/10 but pun game 10/10
Puns about white sugar are rare, but puns about brown sugar?
Puns about the body are generally corny,
But puns about the eye are cornea.
Went to GameStop to use the bathroom, but it was out of order...
I guess I have to keep holding it.
Smart dog originally from R/Memes but crossposts aren’t aloud
One impeachment is bad, but two impeachments
That’s just unpresidented
I have a friend who tried to take a selfie in the shower, but the image was too blurry.
He has selfie steam issues.
My friend claims the he accidentally glued himself to his autobiography, but I don’t believe him.
But that’s his story, and he’s sticking to it.
My date was supposed meet me at the gym but they didn't show up.
That's when I knew we weren't going to work out.
Her: I’m leaving. I am sick of you wearing a different t shirt every half an hour.
I admit it’s a repost, but this pun is just a sin... Please let me know if you get it!!!
I'm an atheist 11 months out of the year, but in December...
My grandfather turned 90 today, but he still doesn’t need glasses.
He drinks straight from the bottle.
I used to eat watches and clocks for every meal, but I had to stop.
It was too time consuming.
I wrote down the names of all the people I hate on a piece of paper, but my roommate used it roll up a joint.
Now he’s high on the list of people I never want to talk to again.
I hadn’t used my main in around a year but had a reason to burro back in my post history... I had forgotten about this, and I don’t mean to brag but this is the single greatest post I’ve ever made on reddit.
I tried dating a communist, but it didn’t work out.
There were too many red flags.
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So I have an uncle, once removed.
A chemist froze himself at -273.15°C. Everyone said he was crazy, but he was 0K.
I tried to organize a professional Hide and Seek tournament, but it failed miserably.
Good players are hard to find.
A friend of mine went bald years ago, but still carries around an old comb.
He just can't part with it.
I used to be the triangle player in a Jamaican band but I had to quit....
It was always just one ting after another.
Edit: Thanks for all the positive reactions to this joke. I’m glad I could make a few of you chuckle today.
I have been asking around what the lowest rank in the Army is, but no one would tell me.
Apparently it is private.
My friend said, “You have a BA, Masters and a Ph.D., but you still act like an idiot.”
It was a third degree burn.
My dog is huge but he isn’t very good-looking, smart or obedient.
I suppose you could call him a Good Dane.
The french revolution was kind of a pain in the neck, but once it was over it was a weight off of some people's shoulders
I was going to add a pun here but can't think of any right now
I asked fellow astronauts on ISS for some milk to put in my coffee but was informed I can't have any.
They said: "In space nobody can. Here, use cream"
You can shoot people with mayonnaise, but not other condiments
Your crimes will then ketchup to you.
I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said, “You’re an 8 on a scale of 10." But what I still don’t get is why...
She wanted me to urinate on a skeleton.
There's an Amazon Forest but no Microsoft Forest - why is that?
Friend: “You told me you were interesting, but you’re literally always in bed”
Me: “I said I was INTO RESTING!”
I would cheat the Golden Globes. Hell, I would even manipulate the Academy Awards. But I would NEVER
3 men are stuck on a boat with 4 cigarettes, but nothing to light them with.
They throw one over board and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
Karl Marx is an historically famous figure, but nobody ever mentions his sister...
Onya Marx, who invented the starting pistol.
I don’t mean to brag, but I just put a puzzle together in 1 day...
and the box said 2-4 years!
You'll laugh at almost anything, but when I joke about how a noisy animal has become a synonym for silence...
old but good
https://preview.redd.it/7mm8ep2i9ae61.png?width=525&format=png&auto=webp&s=c02148c24e2f9993886e9caa2c9ca7d4ce15b34f
I've just made a list of the top 10 dad jokes I know. The first 9 are alright but the last one is absoutely briliant.
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- alright
- absoutely briliant
Not my joke in any way but thought people might like it.
You are lost in winter but find a cabin. You find it has a fireplace, a kerosene lamp and a stove, but you only have one match. What item in the cabin do you light first?
I got in a car wreck and lost my left arm, but don’t worry...
I’m all right.
buh-dum-tsss
Went to a new local grocery store called mommas and pappas. I bought a head of lettuce but just couldn't eat it...
Because all the leaves are brown.
My neighbour died after falling into a giant vat of coffee, but thankfully didn’t suffer.
I have a good friend who wears clothes made of nothing but carpet.
If Thursday is a sad day but Friday is even sadder, does that make it a sadder day
A chemist froze himself to -273.15°C and everyone called him crazy but personally,
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