WWII Russian jokes are getting old

They just don’t stop coming

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πŸ‘€︎ u/speedoc
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
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Look at that guy Russian to kill the joke
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Devanshi1618
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
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When a russian nesting doll makes a dad joke, nobody gets it.

Because they're all inside jokes.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
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Russian jokes never make me laugh

Because I don't understand their Tsarcasm

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RealComradeMeep
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2019
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Why did the Russian Leader laugh at the bad joke?

He was being Tsarcastic

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MarckFruckerburg
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2019
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I made a Russian dad joke today

So I asked my Russian friend what the я conjugation for Ρ…ΠΎΡ‚Π΅Ρ‚ΡŒ is, to which he replied Ρ…ΠΎΡ‡Ρƒ which is pronounced like ho-choo and I then said "bless you."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shipless_Captain
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2017
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Russian dad joke

boy is getting ready for summer camp

mother: I packed butter, bread, and 1kg of nails

son: but why?

mother: what do you mean why? put the butter on the bread and eat it.

son: ok, but what about the nails?

mother: don't worry, I already packed them!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gumshot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2013
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Russian joke

"Hey dad I met a new exchange student today at school, he's Russian"

"Where to?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sindustrial777
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2013
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If pronouncing all my "V"s like "B"s, makes me sound Russian...

Then Soviet

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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
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Rudolph the red and his wife were on a stroll. Rudolph the red looked up at the sky and said "we should hurry up, there is a storm comming". So his wife asked "how do u know" and he replied...

"Rudolph the red knows rain dear"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/13harry09
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
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I broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years because I found out she was a communist.

I should have known, there were red flags everywhere.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JBiff09
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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Why did Stalin only write in lower case?

He was afraid of Capitalism.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2020
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I have a russian friend who’s a sound engineer.

And a Czech one too, and a Czech one too.

Edit: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlabamaMayan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2019
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We should have known communism wouldn't work

There were so many red flags.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/coloradoconvict
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
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Technically, national anthems are just country music.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/surgicalfunnel
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2019
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I was captured by ISIS after Iran away

Now all I’m China do is to survive

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Iamgej
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2019
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Why did the Eastern European student fail his test?

He was Russian to get it done

(Eastern euro joke 2/7)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/darkkiller1234
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
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I've met a noble Russian homosexual

His name was Sir Gay

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pablo_Chudini
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2018
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What’s Irish and stays out all night?

Patty O’Furniture

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrspencernorth
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
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If you're American going into the bathroom and American coming out, what are you in the bathroom?

European

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Me-Smart
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2017
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What is the cleanest language in the world?

Polish

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlphaFireFox
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
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You're American when you go into the bathroom and you're American when you come out. But do you know what you are while you're in there?

European

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dani_dejong
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2018
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I know you're rushing...

I'm a waitress and this one got dropped on me today when a family of 5 came in. They had previously stated they were in a hurry so brought them the check and said (i should probably mention that I have a very southern accent) 'I know y'all are rushin' so-' the dad cut me off with 'No, we're Americans.' His kids and wife were not amused and I just busted up laughing and high fived him. Anyway, I thought you guys would enjoy it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/insaneyetnoble
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2014
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I should open a Russian grocery store and call it "Putin food on the table"
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Keytard
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2014
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Russians

Now I know we’ve all heard the joke about how people in Russia are always rushing around, ha ha, very funny. But what a lot of people don’t know is that, for a while, Russians were the opposite. Between the 1920s to the 1950s, they just kept Stalin.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dark-Specter
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
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I was at a restaurant with my dad, I asked him if he was getting the Chicken Cordon Bleu or the Chicken Kiev.

He said, "the Cordon Bleu's good, but I hear the Kiev is revolting."

(groan)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/atomicbolt
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2014
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My brother after watching the winner of a women's swimming event last night

Mom: is that swimmer Russian?

Bro: well.. Not anymore, she finished

Blank stares turned to realizations and then everyone threw stuff at him

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yeagerbomb16
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2016
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The award for the best dadjokes 2018 goes to...

… u/ebkbk for this post: Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian. made on 24.11. with 38.9k upvotes

[also already made by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes]

Let's move on to the top 3 of each month:

January:

  1. Is this sub still active? by u/I_Fart_Liquids on 01.01. with 36.4k upvotes

  2. Gonorrhea would have been a great name for diarrhea medicine by u/daugarten on 20.01. with 30.8k upvotes

  3. An open letter to the mods of r/dadjokes: by u/Alfie_13 on 27.01. with 18.9k upvotes

February:

  1. Was watching Star Wars with my daughter. She asked why Luke was climbing inside a Tauntaun, I said to keep warm. by u/jakeisbill on 05.02. for 20.3k upvotes

  2. My daughter asked me what I'm posting on Reddit... by u/madazzahatter on 25.02. for 18.3k upvotes

  3. When a woman is giving birth, she is literally kidding. by u/ownworldman on 23.02. for 17.7k upvotes

March:

  1. I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth, we can read maps backwards!" and I thought... by u/madazzahatter on 21.03. for 22.2k upvotes

  2. Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes.

  3. [When I reach home, my 1.5 y.o. son rushes out to the gate to sit in my lap while I park the car. Then he just grabs the steering and starts shaking it with brrrmmm brrrmmm sound. His cute antics always make me forget that he's suffering from a rare disease.](https://www.reddit.com/r/da

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skormes
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
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Someone posted a joke on inauguration day and now I can't stop thinking of Trump puns, so I'll just dump them here.

He probably has quite the hair-care bill, but I'm sure he's willing toupee for it.
It seems that everyone on the internet is Russian to say good things about him.
After his inauguration speech, everyone gave him a big hand.
His favorite winter Olympic event is the LYUUUUGE!
The other half of his supporters can be described with ancient, mystical legends: the Deep Lore-ables.
Nobody will be able to use cheap cotton drapes or table cloths after his ban on muslins.
Since the start of the cold war, many U.S. presidents have pissed off the Russians. Trump is the first to be accused of pissing ON them.
I subscribed to his newsletter because I never turn down a free MAGA-zine subscription.
Melania got used to everyone crowded into Trump Tower during the campaign. Now that everyone's gone, she looks around and it's just a little Barron.
Joke that inspired me is here : https://www.reddit.com/r/puns/comments/5p4ebt/on_donald_trumps_inaguration/

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fat_Hitchhiker
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2017
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My dad has still got it...

We were taking my two year old to the aquarium today. On the way my dad said, "hey, I read that Russian scientists have come close to successfully breeding a manatee with a person. Just think... In a few years we could take <my daughter> back to the aquarium and she could look up and say, 'Oh the humanatee!'"

Grandad jokes are like a fine wine. He's had his whole life to perfect his craft.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Seemoreglass82
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2016
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Pulled a international one on my co-workers.

Working in a kitchen can be annoying as is. My two co-workers were going back and forth on what was being needed and joking about it. I came up from the coolers with stock and over heard one say "You're rushing me! Don't make me rush."

I spoke up and said "He's Russian!? I'm American! Nice to meet you"

The groans were heard out in the lobby.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/biblicalsin
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2015
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We were talking about getting things done quickly...

Me: We have a short deadline, will you please help ensure this gets done on time for our client?

Subordinate: Alright, GenAric, I am going to be rushin' to get this done.

Me: Well, you can be Russian... I prefer to stay American.

Subordinate: Did I just get dad joked?

Me: grin

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GenAric
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2014
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What do you call Russian dad jokes?

Vlad Jokes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GrafikPanik
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2015
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A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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If pronouncing my B’s as V’s makes me sound russian...Then soviet.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Roody_killer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
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If pronouncing my b's as v's makes me sound Russian, then soviet.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2018
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Why are communist jokes so funny?

Everyone gets it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bryce-I-guess
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2018
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Puns about communism aren't funny unless everyone gets them.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jacklfitz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2018
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My dad made another dad joke but this time it was die hard 5 instead of die hard 4.

You may have seen my other post a couple weeks back about die hard 4 and it got really popular and now my dad has made another joke and I want to prove to him that this was a bad one.

When the Russian guy was pushed off the building by mcclaines son and sliced by the helicopter, my dad said, β€œhe got choppered.” Am I wrong or was this one a bad one?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nessmainsarescum
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
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We should've known communism would fail.

There were so many red flags.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MelkorHimself
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2018
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514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 76
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad just got me good

Dad: you ever hear of the book The Yellow River?

Me: no

Dad: Do you know the author?

Me: how would I know the author if I haven't even heard of the book.

Dad: well it was written by I.P. Daily

Me: never heard of him

Dad: I.P. Daily?

Me: no- oh

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KaptanKrops
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2018
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Why are fire engines red?

Because they are always Russian.

One of my 65-year-old dad’s favorite jokes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lotmoon
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
🚨︎ report

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