What do you call an Alligator that invests???
My friend invests all his money in S&M paraphernalia...
Yep, he's invested in bonds.
What do you call someone who invests in marijuana stocks?
Only a man who has made money invests,
Has earned the right to be called an expert in underwear sales
Solid and liquid investments
It hasch been a long time since i invested in wood- "stock".
My friend ran a scam convincing people to invest in Japanese condiments.
He was arrested for running a Ponzu scheme.
Did you hear about the guy who invested 200k to get his son into football
And only got a quarterback?
I invested all my money in a bakery company, and the shares are on the up...
Now to sit back and watch my dough rise
I collect large art paintings for long -term investment, but my blind friend doesn't understand why.
He just couldn't see the big picture.
Friend: What’s the name of your investment guy?
Friend 2: Sam.
Friend 1: What does he do?
Friend 2: Bank Man.
Friend 1: What’s the current status of your portfolio?
Friend 1: Fried.
Solid and liquid investments
I just made a huge investment in the power sector…
With the successful test of nuclear fusion, I thought it was a good reaction.
Superman has made some bad investments
I've started investing in stocks....first chicken, then beef, now vegetable.
Despite the potential risks I believe one day I'll be a boullionaire.
To overcome inflation and market crashes, my dad's investment strategy is put money in drums
Coz its a sound investment
Why you should never invest in funerals
Why are steel balloons better to invest in than normal balloons?
They're way more inflationproof
I’m opening a new restaurant called IDK
That way, when men ask their girlfriend or wife what they want for dinner, she can say “I Don’t Know”.
Why did the hotdog invest in the share market?
He wanted the franking credit
Did you hear about the investment banker who became a horse breeder?
He was always looking for the most stable returns.
How do cows pay each other?
I have an idea for an innovative condom manufacturing company.
Will anyone invest in my glass coffins?
What do you get when you put a vest on an alligator?
I noticed my wife and kids were wearing vests so I put one on just so I could say "vest day ever" like a million times.
Then I took it off just so I could mention that I wasn't as invested as they were.
True story about my gardener friend.
My best mate from back home is a self-employed gardener and does pretty well. He made a post on Facebook and he and his friend were commenting about how hard gardeners work and they should be paid more.
I commented with a line about investing in a hedge fund.
Nothing.
I’m so unappreciated
People say that there are too many options for investing in the stock market
I thought it was either chicken or Beef
I'm always telling others not to invest in depressed real estate;
After all, it's only going to self-depreciate in value.
What do you call a manager at a soup restaurant?
Stew.
He’s the soupervisor.
Where do woodland birds invest their money?
My wife was mad that the technology company I invested in did better then the juice companies she invested in.
I told her not to worry as we were comparing apples to orange juices.
I’ve decided to start investing in stocks
First chicken, then beef, and now vegetable. I know it’s risky, but I know one day it will pay off and I’ll be a bouillonaire!
Maaaan.. forget about gas prices and food prices. Have you seen chimney prices?!
My friend tells me I can get rich quick by investing in Japanese citrus sauce
I think he’s running a Ponzu scheme
My girlfriend borrowed $100 from me when we started going out.
We've just split up, and she gave me the $100 back. I've lost interest in that relationship.
Before the crowbar was invested
Crows simply drank at home
I refuse to invest in a failing business.
It just wouldn't make cents.
the show Happy Days was a bad investment...
Turned out to be a Fonzie scheme
The transportation industry is really tough.
My airplane business just won’t take off, my boat business is totally underwater, and my train business has gone completely off the rails.
What should cows invest in?
I confessed to my friend I recently made a Terra-ble investment buying UST.
What do you call a sweater with a pocket inside that you can put your money in?
Where Does A Snowman Keep His Money?
What do you call an Alligator that invests in stock?
So I started investing in stocks
First chicken, then veal, and now vegetable. I know it’s risky, but if it works out, one day I’ll be a bouillonaire!
I've started investing in stocks
First chicken, then beef and now vegetable. I know it's risky but I could become a bouillonaire
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