Music puns sometimes hit the high notes
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πŸ‘€︎ u/589ca35e1590b
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2021
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My dad used to hit me with cameras

I still have flashbacks

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sohayel_nafi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
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Why would Adolf hit Ler in the first place tho?
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Donnie619
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2021
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Hits blunt
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KlutzyRefuse
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2021
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If you hit a math textbook with a calculator...

...would the calculator be considered a weapon of math destruction?

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anonymouspapayaz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
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Well, this one hit the bar
πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SassyCutlet
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2021
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Sorry to hear your dad was hit by a boat in Venice.

Please accept my Gondolances.

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
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The cabinet I made just collapsed and a bunch of books fell and hit me.

I’ve only got my shelf to blame.

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eternal_Punshine
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2021
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My wife hit me on the head with a bottle of Concentrated Omega-3 capsules this morning.

I'm okay though.....it was just a super fish oil wound.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yeahmaybe2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
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Hit this and you ain't rushin' for hours.
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elculebra98
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2021
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Over heard a customer at my store say β€œOK we’re done let’s hit the road”

I butted in and said don’t do that it’ll hurt.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/insanotard
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2021
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Before my surgery today, the anesthesiologist asked if I'd like to be knocked out with gas or he could just hit me over the head with a canoe paddle. So I guess it was...

...an ether/oar situation...

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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My dad used to hit me with a camera

It just clicked me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/utkxrsh7
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
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What sound does an aircraft make when it hits the ground?

Boeing

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2021
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A lorry full of tortoises just hit a van full of terrapins.

It’s a turtle disaster.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eternal_Punshine
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
🚨︎ report
What happens when a Hogwarts student runs a marathon then trips and hits their head...

They get a Hufflelump

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rysefin
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2021
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During a soccer game, one of the players hit a bird with the ball

The Referee said it was a Fowl.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JazzPhobic
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2021
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Yesterday I got hit by a can.

Thank god! Nothing happened because it was a soft drink.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/haseebshaik00
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
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We have an awesome tire swing at our home and my two year old started to push it, with no one on it, and I noticed he was pushing it harder and harder and I got worried it would come back and hit him

He was playing with tire.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/scotty_mo2424
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
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I hit Dwayne Johnson with a magazine

It nearly killed him.

πŸ‘︎ 88
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kesavadh
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2021
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did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a soda can?

he was lucky it was a soft drink

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chickenman2359
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
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I got hit with a Pepsi today.

Don't worry, I'm not hurt. It was a soft drink.

πŸ‘︎ 212
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheTrainWhoLied
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
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Do you remember when you were a kid and whenever you cried, your parents would say, β€œI’ll give you a reason to cry!?" I always thought they were going to hit me...

...not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
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Ole and Lena were driving home from town when Ole hit a momma skunk and managed to miss her 3 babies.

Lena could not leave them on the side of the road so they scooped the babies up and put them in the car. As they drove the baby skunks managed to make their way from the floor up Lena's dress and settled on her lap. Lena looked at Ole and said "the skunks are under my dress". Ole said "Zat's OK dear zey are settled down". Lena said "Vhat about the smell?". Ole said, "Oh, don't worry dear they will get used to it!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PensionNo8124
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2021
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Wife: Suppose you hit a jackpot of a Million dollars in a lottery and the same day, someone kidnaps me and demands ransom of a million , what will you do?

Husband: I doubt if I can hit two jackpots in one day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Woodblockprint
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2021
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Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant’s head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke’s son and knocked him off the battle field.

Yeah, apparently it was the first ever serf face to heir missile.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2021
🚨︎ report
Imagine if alarm clocks hit you back in the morning.

It would be truly alarming.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2021
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I got hit with a coke today...

It put me in a coca-coma

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HisokaLaMagician
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
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What was the last thing to go through a fly's mind as he hit the windshield?

His butt!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PensionNo8124
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2021
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A basso, I could hit none of the notes for the solo of the opera, A Streetcar Named Desire...

But that's not my aria of expertise.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Went out in rain this morning but got hit on the head with a car part.

It was raining Datsun Cogs.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EastlyGod1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2021
🚨︎ report
Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face".

That was the punchline

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/neo-1000
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do doctors hit your knee?

They get a small kick out of it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToasterTwit
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
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I'm a big hit every year at Christmas when I tell the Usain Bolt joke.

This is a running joke.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WantedDadorAlive
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2021
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I’m addicted to abusing nuns, I just can’t not hit them, the only thing that’s worked for me is redirecting it to somebody else.

I’m trying really hard to kick the abbot

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
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Why is reproduction such a big hit?

Because sex cells.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zslayer89
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
🚨︎ report
"Do you know what happens if a car hits a tree going 30mph?" my son asked.

I said, "No, I've never seen a tree moving that fast before."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/incredibleinkpen
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
🚨︎ report
When the moon hits your knees, you mispronounce countries...

Singapore!

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
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Don't you dare hit that drum again!

If you do, there will be repercussions!

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gromitzy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Willie Nelson got hit by a car

He was playing on the road again

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BiWhiteNibba
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
🚨︎ report
Make sure that your left leg is up before the clock hits midnight tomorrow.

That way you start 2021 on the right foot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DaddyRecon
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was the mushroom the hit of the party?

He was a fun-guy.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/decentname99
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
So proud of my 6 year old. While teaching her to hit a softball, I told her to β€œsquare up on the ball”

She replied β€œthe ball is round daddy” (with a straight face) So I tell her β€œno, what I mean is, get mad! I want you to hit the ball really hard like if you were mad at it!”

She grabs the ball, stares right at it and says β€œI’M REALLY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU, BALL!” Then throws it right back at me.

Proud dad moment.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Itsjorgehernandez
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
🚨︎ report
When the moon hits your eye, Like a big pizza pie, That's amore.

When an eel bites your hand, And that's not what you planned, That's a moray.

When our habits are strange, And our customs deranged, That's our mores.

When your horse munches straw, And the bales total four, That's some more hay.

When Othello's poor wife Becomes stabbed with a knife, That's a Moor, eh?

When a Japanese knight Uses his sword in a fight, That's Samurai.

When your sheep go to graze In a damp marshy place, That's a moor, eh?

When your boat comes home fine And you tie up her line, That's a moor, eh?

When you ace your last tests Like you did all the rest, That's some more "A"s!

In New Zealand you see An aborigine, That's a Maori.

Alley Oop's homeland has A space gun with pizzazz, That's a Moo Ray.

A comedian ham, With the name Amsterdam, That's a Morey.

When your chocolate graham, Is so full and so crammed, That s'more, eh.

When you've had quite enough, Of this dumb rhyming stuff, That's "No more!", eh?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ComeAbout
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I got hit in the head with a can of soda.

Luckily, it was a soft drink.

πŸ‘︎ 451
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bovinecrusader
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
So sorry to hear your uncle was hit by a boat in Venice.

Please accept my gondolances.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
🚨︎ report
When the moon hits your knees and you mispronounce trees

Sycamore

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buttered_t0asties
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report

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