Haven't gotten to see my friend in awhile.
So I text him, let's get some burgers and ketchup.
My jokes have gotten so dad-ly
I've had to register them in three states.
They're considered cruel and unusual punishment in the other 47.
Friend Who I Haven't Seen in a While: your kid's gotten so big! what is he, four?
Me: I have no idea what he's for.
Jesus was known to be a carpenter, but I've always gotten the feeling that he would make a great attorney.
He was quite the cross-examiner.
He's surely gotten a head of himself, hasn't he? 🤔
A queen went travelling to a foreign land. She asked her two ladies in waiting to clean for each other while she was gone, so they wouldn't be out of practice when she got back. When she returned, the two had fallen in love and gotten married.
They were maid for each other.
During this quarantine, many people have gotten new hobbies to pass the hours.
My wife has gotten into being a furry and it's all she talks about!
She's become un-bear-able.
You could say, I’ve never gotten rid of my bad vices
My friend Miles has just gotten his UK citizenship.
He is now known as Kilometres.
Pollution has gotten so much better recently
that I can finally see John Cena
People who abuse steroids have ill-gotten gains
Scientists and programmers have gotten together to write computer code that will not only warn of future global warming but also take credit for inventing the internet.
It's an new Al-Gore-rithm
My Daughter has gotten a few tattoos. I finally showed her my Tattoo.
Daughter: Where's your tattoo
Me: right here on my Arm. (Shows arm where tattoo is)
Daughter: Theres nothing there.
Me: Yeah there is, its The Invisible Man.
I started a band called 999 Megabytes — we haven’t gotten a gig yet.
Me: I wish I'd gotten high before we got here
We’ve gotten to the root of why the toilet keeps getting clogged..
Our son put a carrot down the pipes
.. I’m sorry, total eye roller I know, just a moment of my day today and didn’t know who else would appreciate this gem
Husband told me he'd gotten me a 14-carat diamond. Sigh.
I got home to find the rest of my family eating dinner. My son said "we'll you should have gotten home sooner", as he ate the last piece of ribeye.
I said "I guess that was my missed steak."
I've really enjoyed the past year here and have gotten some great material for my repertoire that never ceases to amaze the wife and kids, but I think it's time I had a short word with you all
I've been referencing the Simpsons movie since it came out...No one has gotten it...So far...
I've gotten to the age when young people don't recognize my song lyric references anymore.
Well I guess this is growing up.
I’ve gotten behind in my Scrabble Club membership.
Now they’re sending me threatening letters.
I’ve gotten so used to taking my contacts out over the years...
I should be able to take them out with my eyes closed
I relabelled the jars in our spice rack. I haven't gotten into trouble with my wife just yet...
... but the Thyme is Cumin!
My wife and kids have all really gotten into this fad of wearing vests every day. I tried it for a little while but gave up on it.
I guess I'm just not that invested
If Whoopi Goldberg and Peter Cushing had gotten married....
It would be Whoopi Cushing.
It’s gotten really bad...
Son: Hey dad I think I might be ambidextrous Dad: You might have gotten it from me, I’m half ambidextrous
Thought of this one but I don’t think I’ll have a chance to use it
The quality of this sub has gotten worse.
I mean, the veggies on it are starting to turn different colors and the bread has gotten stale. How can anyone eat this sub?
Thank you student loans, I couldn't of gotten through college without you.
I don't think I could ever repay you.
I may have gotten my hatred of English tradition from dad...
But I can only speculate because he was an absent-tea father.
The political fights among the bears in the Arctic have gotten really nasty lately.
Still haven't gotten a gig...
Friend: Wow! Your kid has gotten so big! What is he, four?
Me: I’m not too sure what he is for.
i havent gotten a haircut in almost two years. i was going to donate it to wigs for kids
but having it so long has really grown on me.
I've always gotten small shocks when touching metal objects, but that stopped recently.
Needless to say, I'm ex-static.
The German Christmas bread was ill-gotten...
You could say it was stollen.
Too much Dadjoke reading has gotten me to this point...
My Fiancé was heading to bed while I was wrapping up some work. As she leans in to kiss me good night a static shock jumped from her lips to mine.
Without missing a beat I say, "I always knew there was a spark between us."
I blame all of you for making me think this way.
I had gotten much too excited about my BDSM fetish
Mistress said I must restrain myself
Larry Nassar would have gotten away with it...
if it weren't for those medaling kids.
Do you think Chinese food has gotten darker?
One year for my Mom's birthday, my Dad tied the presents he had gotten for her together, and stacked them. He then did this when bringing them outside to her.
imgur.com/mwwY4DT
My best friend has been a Lyft driver for 4 years and hasn’t gotten one single ride
All that time and nothing to chauffeur it
So I was talking to a girl I know about how she'd gotten sunburned today.
She was talking about the different parts of her body that got burnt, and then:
Her: "For some reason only my left boob got burnt."
Me: "Well, that's just not right."
She called me dumb. Worth it.
The rapper Ice Cube has gotten diagnosed with stage 1 cancer..
I've never gotten Reddit Gold.
I'm okay with that though, I'm not a gold digger.
If you spill your morning drive-through beverage on your virus scan software you've gotten McCafé on McAfee
A guy at work told me he hadn’t gotten around to seeing the new It movie...
...I asked if he was too busy clowning around.
Swine Flu is the closest we've gotten to flying pigs
As a kid I'd always ask my dad, "Have I gotten taller?"
His response every time was, "Yeah you're gruesome."
Man, I haven't gotten any karma ALL YEAR!
I've recently gotten into watching a lot of foot porn...
...I just really love how they put their sole into their work.
If you've gotten the email about salted, processed, canned meat; do not open it.
I may have gotten a virus when I visited the Bernie Sanders website.
My dad has used this joke after every single haircut I've gotten since I was 5.
Dad: Hey, where did you get your haircut?
Me: Uh, I think it was a Supercuts.
Dad: Hm, that's weird. I usually get mine on my head.
[META] Has r/dadjokes already gotten too big for its own good?
I liked this sub a lot more when there was less traffic and mostly just text submissions. Now half of what I see is just shitty facebook screens shots that are almost guaranteed to be fake and aren't even considered a 'dad joke'.
Anyone else notice how this sub has exploded over the past 2 or 3 months?
Gotten a lot of mileage out of this one
My wife gave birth on New Year's Day, so I took off all last week. The last 2 days have been full of some variation of this exchange:
"I heard you had a baby!"
"No, my wife did."
My Dad's reply when I hadn't gotten around to it
He would cut out a circle from paper, hand it to me and say "Here's a round toit!"
My dad has gotten me with this one everytime
Leftover night at the house, dad gets out hotdogs from the fridge.
Dad: "want a hot dog?"
Me: "No thanks."
Dad: "What about a cold dog?"
I knew my sisters had gotten me a new small lamp for my birthday
I shook the wrapped gift and said.. This feels a little light
I still haven't gotten a response
Pic will be found in the comments below
Last night, as I was getting ready to cook dinner, I received a mysterious phone call from a number I didn't recognize and I naturally let it go to voicemail. Surprisingly the mystery caller did leave a voice message and several minutes later I got this text. To eliminate all possibilities I proceeded to listen to the voicemail and ensure it was indeed someone important to me. It was both of my parents(they like to put me on speakerphone so they can talk to me simultaneously) informing me of my Dad's new cellular device.
Now, as far as i can tell, my Dad has never sent a text msg in his life. He's been retired for 10+ years and he loves to talk on the phone to friends and loved ones for hours. He has no reason to text. I also wouldn't put him into a general category when it comes to dad jokes. Meaning he might not have enjoyed this as much as I. So, after much deliberation I decided to welcome my Dad to the world of SMS the only way I felt was appropriate to the relationship we share.
Also, one of my favorite of his sayings is referring to my best friend as suave(Ss-wave) and debonair (De-boner.)
Oh and don't let your meatloaf.
I've gotten a lot of mileage out of my dad's classic.
Q: Why is Seattle (or any other rainy city) like Cher?
A: Because it's not fucking sunny anymore!
What's the worst gift you've ever gotten?
A: "A pair of socks?"
B: "No I'd like that gift, it would be handy"
A: "No that'd by footy"
My wife and kids have all really gotten into this fad of wearing vests every day. I'm not into it though.
I guess I'm just not that invested
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