Just found two large bumps on my car battery..
Had to get them tested and one came back positive, hope it's not terminal.
Found this gold on r/dadjokes
Astronaut found out he won the lottery while he was in space
Apparently when he found out he was over the moon
I just found out that I'm colorblind
It completely came out of the purple
I found a vinyl record called "Sounds of the Wasps." When I played it, I said to myself, "This doesn't sound like wasps."
I was right. I was playing the B-side.
Last week paleontologists found the largest dinosaur tibia ever uncovered.
They had a big party to celebrate. I heard it was quite the shin dig.
My son has been eating electrical cords but I found a solution
I grounded him until he conducts himself properly.
I opened my pay envelope today and found it was full of parsley.
Someone garnished my wages.
Found out where I can get gas for $2…
I was today years old when I found out Albert Einstein was actually a real person...
I thought he was just a theoretical physicist!
A company just rented me a limo for $300, but I just found out that it doesn’t come with a driver.
So I have a limo but nothing to chauffeur it.
I’ll show myself out..,
I found a white black bean
I just found out about world wars
I went to my Dr and told him no matter where I push on my body, it hurts. After a thorough examination, he tells me he found the problem
“You have a broken finger”
And God promised that good and obedient wives could be found in all corners of the world
Then He made the earth round.....and he laughed and laughed and laughed
Riddle my son and I found online
My son and I found this cheesy riddle online. Why is it easier to count cows than sheep?
Because you can use a cowculator.
After much derisive snorting, I said “But I could also use a spreadsheep.”
I once found out that my elevator was haunted, but the ghost was nice
Frozen has found its way into my house
I'm not happy about it but I've been told to Let it Go.
My parents wouldn’t let me have a pet so I found a stray kitten and took her home with me
I almost got caught but thank goodness I didn’t let the cat out of the bag
I've found a job helping a one armed typist do capital letters.
I found a way to keep my legs from falling asleep!
I found a spider in my shoes.
He looked ridiculous, they’re way too big for him.
I found an old coin for my collection but can't identify it...
...seriously! I can't make heads, or tails of it!
I just found out my co-worker has a computer addiction
I walked into the apartment and found 5 ants on the wall and another 5 on the table
i think they were the tenants
Guess what I found on the web today?
I found Gemma Pell's soulmate
What did Thor say when he found out Odin was gay despite being with Frigga for so long?
A man was found dead at the other side of a circle
I mean, he did diameter away
After his death, I found a hand granade in my grandfather's trunk
It was groundbreaking discovery for our family
Geologists in Turkey found a lode of a new type of precious mineral.
Naming it after the great Roman emperor, it's called Constantine-opal.
Today I found out that I might be losing my mind
My wife just found out I swapped our bed for a trampoline…
Did you hear about the guy who thought he found Blackbeards treasure hoard?
He was really disappointed when he found out it was all fools good.
Turned out, he discovered the pyrites of the Caribbean!
I just found out I have a long lost twin brother.
Turns out we were womb mates.
I just found out how to put my tablet on airplane mode!
It didn't fly when I threw it out of the window though...
I recently found out that the recommended daily intake of milk is an astonishing 700ml (24oz)
So I just found out that Chad Kroeger from Nickelback, loves to taking part in Nativity plays. He’s been a shepherd, the inn keeper and one year, he even played the rear end of the donkey...
But he never made it as a wise man
Had the wierdest day first I found a hat full of change just sitting on the pavement...
...then I spent the rest of the morning being chased by an angry one-man-band.
Just found out I'm related to one of the Spice Girls...
I found out today that my office photo copier is a huge fan of Bob Marley
Because it is always jammin'
What did Mother Teresa say when she found out one of her sisters was getting married?
My mom found a bee in the car and squished it.
I guess it was a musician, because it became a b flat.
I mean, what else could she do? If it stung her it would have been a b sharp
[True story] My brother just found out his girlfriend is pregnant. I asked him if I could name the baby. If it's a girl, he should call her Denise.
If it's a boy, he should call him Danephew.
I just found out Albert Einstein was a real person.
This whole time I believed he was a theoretical physicist.
OMG I just found out Albert Einstein was a real person!
This whole time I thought he was a theoretical physicist!
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