my grandfather said this today on the dinner table and i was the only one that found it hilarious for no reason at all
G : what type of apples grow on trees ?
my dumbass : idk red and green ?
G : all of them do
wheezes
I just found out the Mortal Kombat theme was based on something old
Well we just found out that my grandpa is addicted to Viagra
And man my grandma sure is taking it hard.
I just found out that the guy who stole my diary died yesterday.
My thoughts are with his family.
Darth Vader found his new wife near the stairs...
Found this on r/technicallythetruth
TIL: The French snails are faster than snails found anywhere else in the world.
I found pictures of Mt. Rushmore before it was carved
Its natural beauty was unpresidented
Well they are free (found on reddit r/technicallythetruth )
My parents found this while camping... someone has a good sense of humour
I hear they’ve found a cure for the Indian variant of Covid
My favorite cartoonist was found dead today...
I was reading the history of the French Revolution, and just found out what happened to Louis XVI ‘s head.
A duck was found dead on the sidewalk today...
The autopsy revealed he overdosed on quack.
When my wife found me playing with my son’s train set, I was so embarrassed that I threw a bedsheet over it.
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
Archaeologists found the remains of the 12 apostles...
They're now called 'The 12 a-FOSSILS'
Just found out that diarrhoea is hereditary...
...apparently it runs in your jeans.
Today I found out that you can actually hear the blood flowing through your veins.
You just have to listen varicosely.
Did you know they found water on the moon?
But only when it’s waning
Did you hear? NASA found a cat on Mars
Unfortunately, Curiosity killed it
Two skunks were named In and Out. One day, In went missing. Even though he was deep in the forest, Out found him right away. When asked how he did it, Out replied
What did the blonde do when she found out most accidents occur within 20 miles of the home?
I just found out that cats are always in pain
The police found the missing property.
It's another closed case.
What did my wife say when she found her zucchini?
at the beach, i found a broken sand dollar, and i turned to Daughter, and said, hey i found a rapper...
she immediately responded, "50 cent"
it was rewarding because i could visibly see her internal groan at dumb dad joke, but then also self-horror that she was so quick to get the joke... win-win-win!!
I've often found that dad jokes are best enjoyed with my favorite type of tea:
Scientists just found a new species of bears without ears. They are called...
Archaeologists have recently found evidence of an ancient civilization that worshipped broken kitchenware.
They're calling it mess-up-a-pot-amaia.
The police pulled over a semi going 120 mph on the interstate. Upon opening the trailer, they found thousands of ancient cutting tools similar to an axes but with the cutting edges perpendicular to the handle rather than parallel.
I recently found a round, black piece of plastic, with a hole in the middle and grooves on both sides. I picked it up and threw it. It flew for more than 300 yards
I'm sure that must have been a record
My wife found out I cheated when she found all of the letters I'd been hiding
She swore she will never play Scrabble with me again
I am so glad Tinder found me a match
Because yesterday I lost my lighter.
I want to try one of those mushrooms they found on Mars.
I bet they're out of this world.
I found it completely inappropriate that the priest was making fun of me during my confession...
...I should have known, since he was wearing Mock-a-sins.
I found out the local priest adopted a dog.
Found on r/mathjokes
https://preview.redd.it/ns4jx85eiwr61.jpg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=542c280b51b92692635ba7a7c4d13dfe6105bec8
Do you know why the beaver was found guilty?
Because the prosecutor had damming evidence.
My British friend was really proud of his heritage until he found out that his great grandfather was from Transylvania.
Now he can even look at himself in the mirror.
When I was cleaning my room earlier I found book on anti-gravity...
I couldn't put it down.
As told by my son to my wife just now. The circle is complete.
The police found a stolen car that had a nearly complete set of golf clubs inside...
They're still looking for the driver!
Sad news fellas, I broke up with my girlfriend Lorraine. She found out I was seeing another girl, Claire Lee. Good news though, I can see Claire Lee now, Lorraine is gone.
Today I found out my son is gay
Me: Who are you dating son?
Him: A man, duh!
A cartoonist was found dead in his office
A cartoonist was found dead in his office.
Details are sketchy.
Well we just found out my grandpa is addicted to Viagra..
And man my grandma sure is taking it hard.
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