Why can’t the club footed nazi drink milk?

Because he lacks toes and tolerance

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jferini
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Blue Footed Booby
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/i_mutex
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2018
🚨︎ report
It required a lot of effort for a man to implement a rule about only allowing large-footed patrons into his restaurant.

It was no small feat.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MuteMason
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2017
🚨︎ report
Pun Request: Foot

I need to write a bit about "digital footprints" for a class.

I figured I should throw a few foot puns in to spice things up.

However, soon I found that trouble was afoot.

I'm starting to run dry and am close to being dead on my feet.

Can I get a few extra hands (and feet) to throw in some ideas?

Toe/heel/knee puns also welcome.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zachiswach
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2014
🚨︎ report
What has five toes but isn't your foot?

My foot.

Edit: Thanks a lot guys for the awards and upvotes. ;) :)

πŸ‘︎ 20k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/D3V1L420
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."

"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"

πŸ‘︎ 179
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
When my grandparents came over they said: β€œYou look like you’ve grown a foot!”

I looked down to my feet, looked back up, and told them: β€œNo, I still have just two.”

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rallocks
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
🚨︎ report
What foot dont they make shoes for?

A square foot.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/titaniumhud
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
A tub of margarine fell on my foot 3 weeks a go and it still hurts.....

I can't believe it's not better.

πŸ‘︎ 971
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ElderHallow
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Going to the foot doctor tomorrow.

Don't often think about my feet. They are usually the furthest thing from my mind.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
What has 5 toes, but isn’t your foot?

My foot

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm 6 foot 6 inches (~196cm) and I recently found the cause for my back problems.

Almost everyone looks up to me. Being a role model to that many people is a lot of weight for one to carry on their shoulders.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lilkid96
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Authorities are searching for a four-foot tall woman who recently escaped from prison in upstate New York. She was serving a five year sentence for fraud after convincing a number of victims that she was a powerful psychic.

Now she's a small medium at large.

πŸ‘︎ 75
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eggsaladapologist
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Foot massages,

they're good for the sole.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bekahbuxi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What is made of leather, a foot long and sounds like a sneeze?

A shoe.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HydrosFear
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was the Monarch only one foot tall?

He was a Ruler!

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife looked at my son (7) yesterday and told him his shoes were on the wrong feet

Without missing a beat he said "They can't be, these are the only feet I have"

Proud dad moment!

πŸ‘︎ 15k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/michaelprstn
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Those people who refuse to date foot amputees?

They are lack toes intolerant.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/callmefinny
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Big Foot has been spotted throwing tantrums and talking back to his parents.

No wonder they call him the Sassquatch.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iwndlsoqjsjdnwkqk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I thought I was being very clever but I’ve been known to put my foot in my mouth.
πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do foot fetishist never win?

Because they love the taste of defeet.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gildagert
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the chemist say when he dropped a bar of gold on his foot?

Au!

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Salman_R
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Today i learned about foot fungus

Talk about tripping on shrooms!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnInitiate
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Whats a foot long and slippery?

A slipper.

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you say when your sister steps on your foot and breaks your toe in half?

That's mitosis

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRedGandalf
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
A guy got his foot stuck in a vat of milk.

Truly, leg in dairy.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/scruffyfan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a sneezing big foot in Spanish?

Achoopacabra

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dthompson96
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I woke up at midnight to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor staring at me from the foot of my bed...

First I was afraid, I was petrified.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I've invented a sandal for one legged people...

It was a flop.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the cell say to the other cell who stepped on its foot?

Ouch, mitosis!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KhalCottonCandy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I accidentally cut off most of my foot

It’s almost all heeled

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lLoopl
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I cut my foot whilst chopping wood

It was an axeident waiting to happen

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the hardest foot to buy a shoe for?

A square foot

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheNefelivata
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I had a girlfriend in high school that I dumped when I found out she was missing a toe on her left foot...

I guess that makes me lack-toes intolerant.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HoggyOfAustralia
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
It's the opposite day and my friend challenges me in tic tac toe. when it's his turn, he grabs the pencil by his foot. I ask him why and he responds:

"I'm playing the toe tactic"

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aglaz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I think the front of my foot has gone dead-asleep.

Now they are a bunch of coma-toes.

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SteadyingRuck
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is 2+2= 5 like your left foot?

Because it ain’t right

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Earlier, I was driving behind an ambulance when a cooler fell off the back. I stopped and opened it up to find a foot inside..

So I decided to call a toe-truck.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThaPlymouth
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2020
🚨︎ report
The guy who invented the Hokey Pokey died last week.

Turns out they had a lot of trouble putting him in his coffin. Because everytime they put his right leg in, he put his right leg out.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RealerBrogan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Americans: I broke my foot

The rest of the world: I broke my metre

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xX_WarBlood_Xx
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report
When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo,

I had to put my foot down.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Prototype273
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get when your foot falls asleep?

Comatose.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jon_Elvert
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a 6 foot man named mike?

Mike.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NuclearTitian87
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are foot fetishists losers?

'Cause they like de feet

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainHungover
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
A tub of margarine fell on my foot three weeks ago and it still hurts.

I can’t believe it’s not better.

πŸ‘︎ 86
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."

"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"

πŸ‘︎ 18k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
🚨︎ report
A tub of margarine fell on my Foot last week

And it's still bruised, I can't believe it's not better.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/not_a_problem69
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What has 5 toes but isn’t your foot?

My foot

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MangoAway17
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What has 5 toes but isn’t your foot

My foot.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is the king only one foot tall?

Because he’s a ruler.

πŸ‘︎ 331
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/curio_123
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
🚨︎ report

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