Football Player Puns

A list of puns related to "Football Player"

A football player goes to the doctor and says "It hurts whenever I touch my face, knee and elbow." The doctor says,

"You've broken your hand."

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👤︎ u/timthedriller
📅︎ Dec 31 2020
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Who is the world's best, but un-tidiest, football player?

Messi

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👤︎ u/AndrewMacSydney
📅︎ Jul 16 2020
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Did you hear about the football player with the dirty mouth?

Yeah. He was an offensive lineman.

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👤︎ u/zortor
📅︎ May 05 2020
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What type of football player is the biggest drug addict?

The lineman.

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👤︎ u/Red_The_Thirteenth
📅︎ Nov 24 2019
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What do you call a Spanish football player with no legs?

Gracias

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👤︎ u/spersson84
📅︎ Nov 07 2019
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What do you call a boat full of polite football players?

A good sportsman ship

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👤︎ u/Frito_Pie_27
📅︎ Sep 18 2019
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What is a defensive football players favorite dessert?

Apple Turnover

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👤︎ u/Kerlandays
📅︎ Aug 12 2019
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A football player went fishing the other day

But he forgot to bring his tackle

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👤︎ u/Zebbyd5
📅︎ Aug 01 2019
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Last night, my husband dreamt I cheated on him with a professional football player & several Frenchmen.

He walked by me as I was scrolling through reddit and said “I’d better not see any Frenchmen Oui Oui on your screen.”

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👤︎ u/jillinkla
📅︎ Mar 29 2019
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What did the football player say to his Chinese son

Go Long!

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👤︎ u/-Sub_The_Scrub-
📅︎ Jul 28 2019
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Why is a Tornado the best type of football player?

Because it always gets touchdowns.

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👤︎ u/da_one1morelight
📅︎ Oct 11 2018
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Why did the football player go to the bank?

He wanted his quarter back

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👤︎ u/SoulOfCthulhu
📅︎ Oct 10 2018
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My buddy said he will be known as a great football player or die trying.

I told him he had better start planning the funeral because we live in Minnesota: the best you can ever hope for is, "Not Bad".

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👤︎ u/benjamindbrooks
📅︎ Feb 16 2019
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What's a football player's favorite pizza place?

Pizza HUT!

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👤︎ u/7ggmma7
📅︎ Nov 24 2018
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Why can't football players where glasses on the field?

Because it's a contact sport

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👤︎ u/maxbrickem
📅︎ Apr 14 2018
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I had an argument with a German football player in a pub. I was about to insult him on a touchy matter, but i restrained myself.....

As i walked back home, i realised that was a Klose call. It would have been at all time Löw for me if I hadn't restrained myself.

Edit: Americans will have this to translate to American

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👤︎ u/AhmadRK
📅︎ Oct 09 2018
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You shouldn't get upset at new football players for making mistakes.

That's just the way the rookie fumbles.

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👤︎ u/swion
📅︎ Mar 27 2017
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A football player told me to get off his turf

I was confused becuase I could’ve sworn I was on grass

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👤︎ u/knightlylizard
📅︎ Jul 06 2018
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I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.

He was dead on a rival.

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👤︎ u/mrthatsthat
📅︎ Mar 30 2018
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Who is the funniest football player on the team?

The punter.

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👤︎ u/isthisusernametakenr
📅︎ Apr 14 2018
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The football player argued that it was a horse-collar tackle

The ref said “neigh”

(My Dad just told this joke while watching the Ravens game. The other dads in the room laughed.)

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👤︎ u/nightingale102
📅︎ Nov 19 2017
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Did you hear about the football player who lost his entire left side of his body?

He's all right now

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👤︎ u/legokid2002
📅︎ Jan 11 2017
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Crazy news; four pro football players arrested in Pittsburgh today

They were Steelers

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👤︎ u/topderp1
📅︎ May 19 2017
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Dad sees a football player.

We went out to eat and a little kid was wandering around the restaurant in a Packers #12 jersey. Dad says "Hey look it's Aaron Rodgers, I thought he'd be taller. Oh yeah that's right, he has to be that short to fit on TV."

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👤︎ u/tiny15
📅︎ Dec 07 2013
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Why did the football player go to the bank

To get his quarterback

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👤︎ u/Zigibar
📅︎ May 22 2018
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