What's a footballer's favourite brand?
Why did a footballer hit a post?
Who is the fastest Footballer?
Which philosopher was the best footballer?
What did the Italian footballer say to his teammate?
How do you cool down an angry footballer?
Did you hear about the killing in a French footballers house?
They called it murder on Zidane’s floor.
I just saw a famous French footballer in the game shop playing Mario Kart
I think it was Thierry on Wii
Don't you love the work ethic of footballers?
They're always on the ball.
Why did the footballer fail his music exam?
He couldn't play at half-time.
How do footballers stay cool during a game?
They stand under their fans.
observation on a german footballer
If Schürrle was a player instead of a player he'd be André "don't call me" Schürrle.
After a deranged fan castrated several Tennessee pro footballers with a knife..
..a whole team of surgeons was needed to re-member the Titans.
Whenever someone leaves the room and says, "I'll be back"
Victim: I'll be back.
Me: I'll be front! And then we can be a whole person!
Alternatively: If the victime says, "I'll be right back" I respond with "I'll be left back! Then together we can be a fullback!" It gives the added football pun.
A football player goes to the doctor and says "It hurts whenever I touch my face, knee and elbow." The doctor says,
"You've broken your hand."
I turned up at the fancy dress party dressed as a football.
I was immediately kicked out.
Why was Cinderella terrible at football?
Because she kept running away from the ball, and her coach was a pumpkin!
Conversation with my 2y old son: What will happen if the moon falls down? Me: Hmm. Maybe we can play football with it?
Son: Nah. The moon has no legs.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer
They’re practicing for the cup
Did you hear about the octopus that played football?
Why is it always so drafty in football stadiums?
Because of all the fans.
Hm. This might be funnier after social distancing measures are safely eased.
Some of my classmates after the football match between Barcelona and Bayern Munich
What do you call the head coach of the Kansas City football team?
There was so much water on the pitch of my daughter's football match this morning.
They needed to bring on the Sub early.
A man takes his seat at a football world cup final. He looks to his left and notices that there is a spare seat between himself and the next guy.
MAN: "Who would ever miss the world cup final?"
GUY: "That was my wifes seat. We have been to the last five world cup finals together, but sadly she passed away."
MAN: "That's terrible, but couldn't you have brought another family member, friend or someone else with you?"
GUY: "No...They are all at her Funeral!"
I was playing football with my younger cousin earlier today
Unfortunately, I kicked it too hard and it broke the window.
We called the repair guy and, apparently when he came two hours later, the window was still in pane.
Now that Football is back!
What would William Perry’s nickname be, if he played for the LV Raiders?
Fridgerator Raider
Did I tell you about my wife who plays football?
What's a word that doesn't rhyme with itself?
Football, chocolate... I dunno, lots of things don't rhyme with "itself".
What do you get when playing football as well as when asking a girl out?
Why did the football coach go to the bank?
Who is the world's best, but un-tidiest, football player?
gas football
What do you call a gas station named after a footballer?,Antoine Greasemann
I was asked why I never throw a football
I can’t throw with my feet (laugh here)
The funniest guy on the football team
I've finally worked out why Spain is so good at football
Nobody expects the Spanish in position
In honor of my grandfather: You should get a football...
... I think you'd get a real kick out of it.
If you don't like that, get an adding machine, because that's what counts.
What insect is bad at football ?
Why are football stadiums all around the world really hot right now?
All the fans are at home.
How did the octopus do on his first football match?
Did you hear about the football player with the dirty mouth?
Yeah. He was an offensive lineman.
My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession...
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer!
Two flies playing football on saucer. One says to the other.....
I am playing in the cup tommorow.
Why is Cinderella bad at football?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
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