Fetch Up Puns

Once upon a time, there was a small desert village with a single well on the outskirts of the town. One morning, a woman went to the well to fetch water for the day. The lady was crying and the well heard this. A voice came from the well and asked “what’s wrong?”

The lady stopped sobbing and asked the well, in utter disbelief, “you can talk?”

“Yes” the well said, “long ago, the witch living in this town gave life to me so I could protect the towns people”

“Alas” the woman said, “I am the daughter of that witch. She lived in peace with the town for many years, but the new mayor, who is a violent and hateful man, riled the townspeople up against her. The town burnt my mom at the stake! I am still young and do not know much magic. I tried to curse the town, but failed, and now I fear I may never avenge my mother.”

“Do not be afraid” the well said, “I will take care of this.”

The next morning the mayor was going to the well to fetch water when he heard an odd noise. He peered over the edge to look down as far as he could when an impossibly long arm shot up at him. The arm grabbed the mayor and dragged him down into the depths of the well. There was a horrible crunching sound and the mayor was never seen again. The townsfolk apologized to the witch’s daughter and everyone lived happily ever after.

See moral above for the pun...

So I hear my niece running around in our house and also a dog running around with her and was immediately confused wondering why she and a dog were just running up and down the hallway. Then I went to see what was happening and she was playing fetch with the dog. So I asked my mom, "then why was she running? Is she simply so stupid that she throws a thing and tries to fetch it herself because for a second there she forgot whether she was the dog or the person?" To which my mom replied, "it wouldn't be farfetched. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) " ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

We were watching Harry Potter, and when he dive in the frozen lake to fetch the sword, I said something along "Wake up Hermione, you moron, you're going to freeze to death !".

My daughter then said "He's gonna die from Harrypottermia !"

I was so proud !

I then beat the little shit to death for doing a dad joke before me. That'll show her.

Mods : Sorry if this does not fit the sub.

I'll never forget when I was riding shotgun while my dad drove, and we were taking my friend Joe home. We had driven these streets hundreds of times, but at this moment, my dad released all these heretofore unheard-of puns.

We took a right on Cambridge Ave.

Dad looks over and stoically says in a gravelly voice with an -- American Indian?? -- accent, "First came iron horse… then came bridge."

Groans.

As we approach Minot Ln., he asks "do I turn here?" and Joe says "yes," to which dad replies "I don't know, Joe, I might, but I minot!"

Groans.

Finally, we make our last turn onto Cheyenne. Dad says with a deliberate, measured cadence, "You know, growing up, all the girls I met were so forward. It was weird. But then I met Shy Anne."

He finished his sentence right as we pulled into Joe's driveway. He put his right hand on the back of my headrest and turned to face us with a wide smile and the glittering, eyes of a puppy that just fetched on command.

Joe said "Thanks, Mr. Smith," and he got out and ran into his house.