Not exactly a dad joke, but close. None of the fathering a child, but all of the self amused word play. vimeo.com/65102146
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rampantdissonance
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2013
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My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.

So I have an uncle, once removed.

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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My French uncle Francois was a TERRIBLE father.

He was a real faux Pa.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
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If a father in Iraq gifts his daughter a new bag, what will she say?

Thanks for the Baghdad!

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Alpha_Supreme
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
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But dad, Tommy's father lets him eat his fries with his fingers!

He's wrong, son. The fingers should be eaten separately.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
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My father just dropped off a wok he didn’t need.

He texted me to warn me that it was an old school, analog wok, not an Ewok.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ALLCAPSBITCHES
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
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Some people told their dad that Dora has a visual impairment and that Boots and the viewers were her eyes. Then the father bought them Dora-themed gifts for Christmas.

And then someone commented "They must've thought you were a-Dora-ble.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
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A son enthusiastically asks his father will he teach him how to gamble on the black market

The Father responds with: β€œYou bet your ass!”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Geb69
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
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Teacher: Felix, when is the boiling point reached? Felix: Just after my father reads my report card.
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/decentname99
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
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A small boy went to sex ed class and then asked his father

is this a dad joke? No, son, its not. he replied. Can we stop it with all the sex jokes please? they aren't dad jokes and probably belong in plain old /r/jokes.

Sorry for the anti joke here, but its really getting old.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IGotSkills
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
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The school phoned me today and said, "Your son's has been telling lies. "

I replied, "Tell him, he's bloody good. I don't have any kids."

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
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What does a baby computer call its father?

Data

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fitzgerald1337
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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[an actual conversation I had with my beer loving father]

Me: "Hey dad, hypothetically, if the world suddenly ran out of beer, what would you do?"

Dad: "I'd probably swap to pandas."

Me: "Is ... is that like a type of cider?"

Dad: "No, it's a black and white animal."

Me: "Dad? There aren't any pandas in New Zealand?"

Dad: "Well, there's no bears either."

πŸ‘︎ 460
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yupitsnoone
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
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What did the father say to his trans girl child?

"You're no son of mine"

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DottComm2863
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
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To all of you who have been disowned by fathers. In honor of pride month and on behalf of all dads of R/dadjokes I just wanna say, buffalo.

Because you can always be our bi-son, and even if you don't feel like shooting straight, we will always be trans-parent with you. You are loved.

πŸ‘︎ 19k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fartingpinetree
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
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I became a father today, but no dad jokes are coming to me. I’m pretty bummed.

Luckily the neighbor hit me with a few good jokes as we got home! Cheered me right up!

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Po1sonator
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
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My father-in-law fell into a giant vat of sliced cabbage.

Now he's my father-in-slaw.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dudecancode
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
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What did the father buffalo say to his son when he left to school ?

Bison

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedMusical
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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What did Capt. Ahab’s son write on his father’s cast?

β€œGet whale soon"...

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyLatestInvention
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
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My friend who is a panda makes a terrible father

Because all he does is eats, shoots and leaves

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/adam14brfc
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
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A father hands a burger to his son before vanishing

Before he leaves, the father says, β€œIt’s a bison burger”

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
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Just got my grandma good, and made my father proud

After eating dinner with my parents and grandma, I got a bag of Little Bites Fudge Brownies from the pantry. My grandma asks me if they were from the box. I hold them up and point to the package and say β€œno they’re from the bag”

My dad and I lost it and started crying. Pray that we find it soon.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Beansforlife
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
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To all you fathers, Merry Christmas and...

Feliz Navi Dad Joke!

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/weirdgroovynerd
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
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A father was reading a story to his five year old son.

His son asked him why the book was so fat. The father replied "It's a long story"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gp_11
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
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My father told me about an astronaut who suffocated because he left a vacuum upside down in an airlock

Father: What a horrible way to Dyson

Joke sucked, I know

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GeneraLi525
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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"Ivanka... I am your father."

-Taxi Vader

πŸ‘︎ 420
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πŸ‘€︎ u/le672
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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One of my fathers last wishes was to have his ashes pressed into a record....

It was his vinyl request.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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My grand father always said "fight Fire with Fire".

He was a great man but a terrible Fireman

πŸ‘︎ 316
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πŸ‘€︎ u/harshamfk
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
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Did you know Father Time is actually really good at boxing?

Yeah, he can clock you a good one.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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I met a woman once at a party celebrating my father's 50th birthday.

We got to talking and I found out she worked as a stunt double on some pretty big name movie sets. She looked to be at least 10 years my senior but very fit and attractive and we both seemed to really be hitting it off.

Because all the immediate family in the local area had thrown a smaller, more private celebration for my father a few days prior, I didn't really feel a need to stick around any longer, so I asked the woman if she was interested in sharing some drinks with me at the nearby Hilton where I was staying. She happily accepted.

Suddenly, I turned towards the sound of my father's voice cheerfully calling out the name "Andra" (pronounced ON-druh) and my own as he approached. Andra, the woman I had been speaking with, turned towards him, glanced quickly back at me, then looked back again at my father and with a disconcerted look on her face exclaimed, "Oh brother!"

And that's when I realized the double, Aunt Andra.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/A__Wild__Goose
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
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If Father Christmas played soccer, what position would he play ?

Santa forward.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
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What do you call a father that has changed gender and is slightly invisible?

Trans-parent

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/manpatpost
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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I can now legally tell dad jokes so heres my favorite. What did the father buffalo say to his kid when he left for college?

Bi son!

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Samfeegan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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*This is a literal Dad Joke my father used to tell when I was a kid about 30 years ago. He's almost 80 now and it still makes him laugh.* - So, there was this man named James Fart. Everybody made fun of him since he was very young. "James Fart! James Fart" the bullies used to make him cry...

He came of age among this suffering and at 21 was finally able to legally change his name. He arrived at the government office where he presented himself:

-I'm James Fart and I want to legally change my name!

Of course they laughed at him (everybody did) but eventually they all settled and came around to the situation.

-Ok, so... your current name is.. Β·chucklesΒ· James Fart... I'm sorry, I just...

-I know, everybody has been laughing at my name since as long as I can remember.

After a long and tedious process, everything is ready.

-Very well, sorry for the delays but you know how hard this protocols are. The good news: you are no longer "James Fart", what name do you want instead?

-Charles Fart.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gone11gone11
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
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Right before he kicked the bucket, my grandpa said to me:

"Hey, watch how far I can kick this bucket."

πŸ‘︎ 264
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
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As a transgender father, my son always complains that he can’t see me

Because am transparent

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ssigea
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
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A woman is at her deceased father's funeral.

The man sitting next to her asks, "Do you mind if I say a word?" "Absolutely", she responds. So the man walks up to the podium and clears his throat. "Plethora" he says. Then he comes and sits back down. "Thank you", the woman says. "That means a lot."

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kriskidd21
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
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I learned my jokes from my dad, who learned them from his father before him.

You could say I was grandfathered in.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LikeMatt
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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My father and I were leaving our hotel room in Iraq and he almost forgot his suitcase.

I said don’t forget your Baghdad.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/junior_bqx2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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If you tell a dad joke without being a father...

Would that be considered a faux Pa?

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yelkyelk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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He has a one track mind. Mark Twain is his father.

His name is.....

Choo choo Twain!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RamSamG
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
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My father quietly retired from his job as an eye glass manufacturer yesterday.

He didn’t want to make a spectacle.

πŸ‘︎ 275
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at work.

So, I have an uncle, once removed.

πŸ‘︎ 135
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.

So, I have an uncle once removed.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report

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