My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.

So I have an uncle, once removed.

πŸ‘︎ 16k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
A father and son were sitting in the woods.

Son: Dad, do trees poop?

Dad: Of course son, how do you think we get #2 pencils.

πŸ‘︎ 90
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/beek77
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2021
🚨︎ report
If a father in Iraq gifts his daughter a new bag, what will she say?

Thanks for the Baghdad!

πŸ‘︎ 14k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Alpha_Supreme
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
It's the story of a father that invented a machine.

He shows it to his son, all proud, and says : "You see, son, when you put a donkey in this end of the machine, a sausage will automatically come out." The son, very confused, asks : "But dad, is there a way to do the opposite, insert a sausage and a donkey comes out?" The father proudly answers : "Yes son, your mom."

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kidralak
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
🚨︎ report
When I was a child my father punished me with cameras.

I still have flashbacks.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/beej2000
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Do you know the last thing my father said to me before he kicked the bucket?

"Son, watch how far I can kick this bucket."

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vishalbharadwaj21
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
🚨︎ report
My French uncle Francois was a TERRIBLE father.

He was a real faux Pa.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife got her beautiful looks from her father...

He's a plastic surgeon .

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
🚨︎ report
My senile old father came out into the yard, as my kid was feeding the squirrels and started yelling, "Shooo! Shooo!" At them.

I just didn't have the heart to tell him they were squirrels; not shoes. As long as he doesn't try to put them on again. That got messy.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/glitchygreymatter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2021
🚨︎ report
My father died and requested to be buried at a specific farm.

He always told us one day he'd be a dead beet Dad.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dej0ta
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
🚨︎ report
But dad, Tommy's father lets him eat his fries with his fingers!

He's wrong, son. The fingers should be eaten separately.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
🚨︎ report
My father just dropped off a wok he didn’t need.

He texted me to warn me that it was an old school, analog wok, not an Ewok.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ALLCAPSBITCHES
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Some people told their dad that Dora has a visual impairment and that Boots and the viewers were her eyes. Then the father bought them Dora-themed gifts for Christmas.

And then someone commented "They must've thought you were a-Dora-ble.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Teacher: Felix, when is the boiling point reached? Felix: Just after my father reads my report card.
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/decentname99
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
🚨︎ report
A son enthusiastically asks his father will he teach him how to gamble on the black market

The Father responds with: β€œYou bet your ass!”

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Geb69
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report
A small boy went to sex ed class and then asked his father

is this a dad joke? No, son, its not. he replied. Can we stop it with all the sex jokes please? they aren't dad jokes and probably belong in plain old /r/jokes.

Sorry for the anti joke here, but its really getting old.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IGotSkills
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
🚨︎ report
The school phoned me today and said, "Your son's has been telling lies. "

I replied, "Tell him, he's bloody good. I don't have any kids."

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
🚨︎ report
One word of wisdom my father gave me about trading countertops:

Never take quartz for granite.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/43eyes
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
🚨︎ report
To all of you who have been disowned by fathers. In honor of pride month and on behalf of all dads of R/dadjokes I just wanna say, buffalo.

Because you can always be our bi-son, and even if you don't feel like shooting straight, we will always be trans-parent with you. You are loved.

πŸ‘︎ 19k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fartingpinetree
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I became a father today, but no dad jokes are coming to me. I’m pretty bummed.

Luckily the neighbor hit me with a few good jokes as we got home! Cheered me right up!

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Po1sonator
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
🚨︎ report
[an actual conversation I had with my beer loving father]

Me: "Hey dad, hypothetically, if the world suddenly ran out of beer, what would you do?"

Dad: "I'd probably swap to pandas."

Me: "Is ... is that like a type of cider?"

Dad: "No, it's a black and white animal."

Me: "Dad? There aren't any pandas in New Zealand?"

Dad: "Well, there's no bears either."

πŸ‘︎ 460
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yupitsnoone
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What does a baby computer call its father?

Data

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fitzgerald1337
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the father say to his trans girl child?

"You're no son of mine"

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DottComm2863
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
My father-in-law fell into a giant vat of sliced cabbage.

Now he's my father-in-slaw.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dudecancode
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the father buffalo say to his son when he left to school ?

Bison

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RedMusical
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend who is a panda makes a terrible father

Because all he does is eats, shoots and leaves

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/adam14brfc
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
"Ivanka... I am your father."

-Taxi Vader

πŸ‘︎ 414
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/le672
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What did Capt. Ahab’s son write on his father’s cast?

β€œGet whale soon"...

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MyLatestInvention
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
To all you fathers, Merry Christmas and...

Feliz Navi Dad Joke!

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/weirdgroovynerd
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A father hands a burger to his son before vanishing

Before he leaves, the father says, β€œIt’s a bison burger”

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
My grand father always said "fight Fire with Fire".

He was a great man but a terrible Fireman

πŸ‘︎ 316
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/harshamfk
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Just got my grandma good, and made my father proud

After eating dinner with my parents and grandma, I got a bag of Little Bites Fudge Brownies from the pantry. My grandma asks me if they were from the box. I hold them up and point to the package and say β€œno they’re from the bag”

My dad and I lost it and started crying. Pray that we find it soon.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Beansforlife
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
🚨︎ report
My father told me about an astronaut who suffocated because he left a vacuum upside down in an airlock

Father: What a horrible way to Dyson

Joke sucked, I know

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GeneraLi525
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
One of my fathers last wishes was to have his ashes pressed into a record....

It was his vinyl request.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
A father was reading a story to his five year old son.

His son asked him why the book was so fat. The father replied "It's a long story"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gp_11
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report
If Father Christmas played soccer, what position would he play ?

Santa forward.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know Father Time is actually really good at boxing?

Yeah, he can clock you a good one.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
*This is a literal Dad Joke my father used to tell when I was a kid about 30 years ago. He's almost 80 now and it still makes him laugh.* - So, there was this man named James Fart. Everybody made fun of him since he was very young. "James Fart! James Fart" the bullies used to make him cry...

He came of age among this suffering and at 21 was finally able to legally change his name. He arrived at the government office where he presented himself:

-I'm James Fart and I want to legally change my name!

Of course they laughed at him (everybody did) but eventually they all settled and came around to the situation.

-Ok, so... your current name is.. Β·chucklesΒ· James Fart... I'm sorry, I just...

-I know, everybody has been laughing at my name since as long as I can remember.

After a long and tedious process, everything is ready.

-Very well, sorry for the delays but you know how hard this protocols are. The good news: you are no longer "James Fart", what name do you want instead?

-Charles Fart.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gone11gone11
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I met a woman once at a party celebrating my father's 50th birthday.

We got to talking and I found out she worked as a stunt double on some pretty big name movie sets. She looked to be at least 10 years my senior but very fit and attractive and we both seemed to really be hitting it off.

Because all the immediate family in the local area had thrown a smaller, more private celebration for my father a few days prior, I didn't really feel a need to stick around any longer, so I asked the woman if she was interested in sharing some drinks with me at the nearby Hilton where I was staying. She happily accepted.

Suddenly, I turned towards the sound of my father's voice cheerfully calling out the name "Andra" (pronounced ON-druh) and my own as he approached. Andra, the woman I had been speaking with, turned towards him, glanced quickly back at me, then looked back again at my father and with a disconcerted look on her face exclaimed, "Oh brother!"

And that's when I realized the double, Aunt Andra.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/A__Wild__Goose
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a father that has changed gender and is slightly invisible?

Trans-parent

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/manpatpost
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I can now legally tell dad jokes so heres my favorite. What did the father buffalo say to his kid when he left for college?

Bi son!

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Samfeegan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a priest who becomes a lawyer?

Father-in-law

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MalariaDamnYou
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
🚨︎ report
A woman is at her deceased father's funeral.

The man sitting next to her asks, "Do you mind if I say a word?" "Absolutely", she responds. So the man walks up to the podium and clears his throat. "Plethora" he says. Then he comes and sits back down. "Thank you", the woman says. "That means a lot."

πŸ‘︎ 58
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kriskidd21
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
🚨︎ report
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at work.

So, I have an uncle, once removed.

πŸ‘︎ 134
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.

So, I have an uncle once removed.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.