I have no words to describe how angry I am.
Apparently it was big news.
If you have any ideas about puns involving the terms immigration attorney, immigration and customs enforcement/ICE, and puns about immigration detention that would be amazing.
You guys are immigreat, thanks so much!
Girlfriend sent a text to tell me her bus was late.
GF: Jesus Christ just got out at University St.
Me: Wow! Did he heal any lepers or anything?
GF: There should have been a period after Christ.
Me: There is! It's called A.D.
I just hit my girlfriend with this (http://imgur.com/noziMVQ).
Me: "Ahhh there's a lure going at Antico's!" (local pizza place)
Her: "I want a lure"
Me: "Don't worry babe you definitely have allure"
I recently got accepted into Virginia Tech's graduate program. For those who don't know, their mascot is the "Hokie". This past Sunday, Dad looks at me and states, "Well at least they have a really well known fight song." "Um...I'm not sure what it is, haven't heard it yet." He then proceeds to start singing the Hokie Pokie, and begins laughing hysterically, to the groan of the whole family.
A proud new father sits down with his dad to have a drink.
"Well son, now that you have a son of your own its time I gave you something."
"Dad you dont mea-"
"Yes I do. You've earned it." Says the father as he passes a copy of '1001 Dad Jokes 5th Edition' to the son.
"Dad I dont know what to say...I'm honored."
"Hi honored," Replies the father. "I'm dad."
Dad: Since the Seahawks came out to U2 music they will win.
Me: Wal-Mart had four copies of the Joshua Tree on vinyl. What a waste.
Dad: I'll buy one tomorrow... with or without you.
In honour of the year of the horse:
Kung 'neigh' fat choi!
I was over at a friend's house a couple of weeks ago when his dad stopped by. I've had this friend for twenty years, and his father knew me since I was a wee lad. All of the Christmas decorations are strewn through the neighborhood, including my friends neighbors house whose yard is filled with these 4 foot tall wrapped Christmas gifts adorned with colorful lights. My friend's dad looked out the window and saw the boxes. "Say, your neighbors left some pretty big presents out in the yard." My friend replies, "You should take 'em, save money on your. Christmas shopping." His dad instantly says, "They might be too big to fit in my car. Although, they do look pretty...light."