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If you came here looking for an OP, you got it.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timmyb55
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
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Why do the Hong Kong police wake up early?

To beat the crowd.

Edit: All credit goes to u/AleoMoorea, who posted it here.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMasonX
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
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April Fools

One April Fools eve, my wife went to bed early. Just shortly after 12:01am, I went in to bed. I noticed I woke her up and I immediately said, β€œCan you make the kids lunch?” She was so pissed at me and stormed out the bedroom only to find the kids lunch already made in the fridge! AAAAAppppprrrriiiilll FFFooooooolllllllllsss!!

Edit: Didn’t get laid that night.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThisDoodIce
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
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The ultimate dadjoke. My toddlers believe that on 3 king’s day (along with bringing gifts) the camels severely screw up our home. I put muddy hoof prints throughout, upend the plants, knock over the tree, tear apart fruit, etc.

This year Was a symphony! We had aunts, and two grandmas join in for a seriously epic camel disaster for the kids to discover tomorrow. Feeling proud of my dad skills.

Photos here:

https://imgur.com/gallery/b8sILu3

Edit: the oldest is 5. We celebrated a day early so their aunt could be here. The real 3 kings day is tomorrow. Don’t tell the wise men!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sloanautomatic
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
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Too early for this ...

I woke up early for work,and was getting dressed while my girlfriend lazily poked at her phone. I was laying out my clothes, saying as I go: "undershirt ... work shirt ... underwear ... jeans ... French bovine ... can't wear shoes without the French bovine ..."

I noticed my girlfriend was staring at me, bewildered, but also wearing her "what sort of stupid thing are you saying now?"

I asked what was the matter, and she inquired what a French bovine is.

I said, you shouldn't wear shoes without ...

A Paris ox.

edited: stupid mistakes. It makes better sense now.

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NobodyWhatsoever
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2016
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