Eat Out Puns

Brrrritos

The third friend is the Thai breaker.

So we did it squid pro quo

This surprised me, as I don't recall the last time I ate a monkey

After taking our order and asking if we want anything else, I point at my phone and ask if she can leave us a menu just in case.

I think I wrote my first dad joke original on something new to this changing world!

IHOP...

So later I can have a nice big vowel movement. 😎 Affectionately, Dad

He then points at it, and says, ‘That’s a wrap, everybody.”

I complained to the owner, but even she didn’t give a fork.

Me: "So, what do you want to do for dinner?"

Him: "Eat, lol. You?"

I've also learned that servers have horrible balance.

So I took her to the airport.

He's always stuck with the bill.

I've tried eating it first, and that was just wrong!

I said, "No. Every mother fucker is going to be out that day."

It took me a second to register what I said, so I turned to her and smiled. She rolled her eyes.

The habit

"You see that steeple on that church over there? Yeah, I hit it."

The waitress asked, "So what brings you folks to Applebees tonight?" Dad answered, "Our car"

Turns out Pekka Rinne can wreck a penne...

At least once on the way back, when passing another restaurant, my Dad always says "we should go there. They'll never know we just ate."

pho sure!

Waiter: And what would you like to drink sir? My dad: I'll take a water on the rocks.

When someone doesn't finish their food. The waiter/waitress inevitably asks,"You wanna' box for that?" To which my dad responds, "no, but I'll wrestle yah for it!"

In other words, life is ruff.

Gets the bill, "I can't even read this!" Turns bill right side up, "this makes more sense."

cantaloupe

It was a real Naan-bo.

Her: "Are cows nice?"

Me: "Of course they are. That's why we tip them."

Host: "The wait is about 15 minutes. What's the name?"

Dad: "Wild"

--- 15 minutes later ---

Host: "Table ready for the wild party!"

Dad: "Hehehe"

It isn't exactly a joke, it's more of a jerk move that just happens to be funny, but whenever my Dad and I go out to eat, (or whenever we're eating really), he'll always take a bite from my plate saying that he is making sure it isn't poisoned, and if he likes it, he has to take a second sample to make sure. When I was a kid he would do it all the time and I would get so upset, and now I do it to my little brother whenever I take him out to eat, and it makes him so miffed.

At the end of every meal The waitress would ask "do you wanna box for that?" His reply would be "well, I'm not that good at boxing... Do you wanna wrestle for it instead?"

My dad has certain lines that he likes, and he uses them over and over again. Whenever we're eating and someone says "Oy, I'm full." My dad replies "Full of what? Hah." Every time.

The worst part, I've heard this so many times that this is now MY first thought when someone says they're full!

Waitress: Are you finished?

Dad: No, I'm not Finnish, I'm Swedish.

The Uslurper

After we're done eating, as the waiter/ress came over

Waiter : "Would you like anything else? Coffee, desserts?"

Dad : "No, thanks"

Waiter then brings the bill

Dad : "What are you doing? I said I didn't want anything else"

Cue my dad's laughter (obviously, only him)

:EDIT: My english sucks

When the waitress comes with the check my dad says, "No that's alright, you've done so much already."

This sometimes results in very confused waitresses.

Mom, Dad and I go out to dinner at Iron Hill.

Waitress : Hi! My name is Katie and I'll be your server tonight.

Dad : Hi Katie! I'm Jim, this is James and that's Sue and we will be your eaters tonight!

Me : God Dammit Dad.

Family out to dinner.

Waiter: "May I start you off with some drinks"

Dad chooses the youngest son, "He'll have a beer, that's what you wanted, right?"

Waiter forces a laugh. Dad laughs at his humor more than anyone else at the table.

(of course this stopped once we all got past 21)

Whenever my family and I go out to eat with people that aren't a part of our regular group, the following conversation takes place:

Dad: points to a tomato or some vegetable in someone's salad "This is out of my garden."

Other person: "No it's not...we're in a restaurant! How could it be out of your garden?"

Dad: "Well it's not IN my garden, is it?"

Me: ...

Waitress - How are we all doing tonight?

Dad - I can speak for us, we're all fine, but I can't speak for you.