My daughter was having a pretend dinner party with her teddy bear, when she asked, “Do you want anything to eat, Mr. Bear?” In my best bear voice, I replied...
“No thanks, I’m stuffed!"
I was told not to eat the candy in court...
Don't try to eat the chickens in Minecraft.
What do you call it when you have to quickly eat a beef dish wrapped in pastry crust?
In England, they eat two eggs for breakfast..
But in France, one egg is un ouef.
What does a frog in Paris eat ?
My pen ran out of ink and an ink fairy in the shape of a squid appeared. He said if I let him eat my dinner of shrimp he'd help me out by giving me some ink. The deal smelled kind of fishy, but I needed to finish my homework.
So we did it squid pro quo
Why should you never eat the fish in France?
What did the stout, starving sergeant eat in the army?
My son refuses to eat rice if it in not white.
I said “Son, that’s ricest!”
People keep talking about eating clocks here, so I decided to eat one too while I was in line at the DMV.
Sure enough, my weight went up by several minutes.
I told my son, "Have you heard that they're shutting down all food resources in schools, so that children can't eat?"
"Canteens?" he asked.
"No, it doesn't matter what age," I replied.
Beelieve me or not there is a small ball of pollen in the beehind legs of the bees and they also have the abeelity to eat it
Dad has a pet snake that eats the grass in his yard.
Dad I am cold.. If you’re cold, go eat your lunch in the corner. Why?
What does Batman eat in Japan?
What's it called when you're reeling in a fish you've just caught, and another one comes along and eats it?
Why was 6 afraid of 7, because 789. Why did 7 eat nine? Because at the restaurant 7 was at, 9 came in that order.
I wanted to see how much flatbread I could eat in an hour
But after 30 minutes, I pita’d out
Why did the giant eat a country in Europe?
What do you eat when your Pop Tarts get stuck and break in half in the toaster?
Do you know why they eat snails in France?
They simply don't like fast food there
Did you know that a piranha can eat a kid down to the bone in 8 seconds...
anyways I lost my job at the aquarium today
Did you know prisoners have to get in line to eat nowadays?
Those are the con-sequences of a life of crime!
why did the cannibal eat the tight rope walker first thing in the morning?
it's all part of a balanced breakfast.
What does Thanos eat in the mornings.
A perfectly balanced breakfast, as all meals should be.
A father, wanting to instil some manliness and maturity in his sons, brings them camping. The only food they get to eat is the food they get from the forest.
The dad splits up from the boys in the morning, leaving them the task of getting food for the day.
The boys chance upon a patch full of peas - they have enough for all three meals and to pelt each other with.
Reuniting at the end of the day, the dad asks how it went.
“We played with each other’s peas!” The little one chimes in.
Just a little displeased, dad asks him sternly to clarify.
“We gathered peas, he meant.” Added the middle boy.
“Okay, and what did you have for breakfast?”
“Pea soup.”
“Lunch?”
“Pea soup.”
The boys started sniggering.
“What’s so funny? And what about dinner?”
“Nothing dad. We had pea soup too.”
“Well, that doesn’t seem like much. What did you do all evening?”
Bursting out laughing, they all said:
“Pee soup.”
I had a terrible nightmare in which I was forced to eat my own clone.
What do Eskimos eat when they vacation in Mexico?
Friend: My mouth burned the whole time cause my dad made me eat this hot pepper in exchange for the show ticket. Wasn’t even a good show.
Me: You just really ate to see it
You could say I eat my pastries in...
Someone bet I couldn’t eat a bowl of spaghetti in one bite
It was my mission in pasta bowl
I spent weeks in the jungle with nothing to eat but raw caterpillars.
When I walked back into civilisation, there were certainly a few butterflies in my stomach.
A squirrel is living in a pine tree, when one day, he feels it shaking, looks down and sees an elephant climbing the tree. The squirrel shrieks, “What are you doing climbing my tree?” “Well, I’m coming up here to eat some pears.” says the elephant.
“You idiot, this is a pine tree, there are no pears!”
“Well I brought my own pears.”
What do you call it when you eat a waffle on a beach in California?
What cereal do you eat late in the fourth quarter?
Cinnamon Toast Crunch-Time
What type of food do you eat in the middle of the night?
My dad told to eat a piece of corn. I replied "sorry I corn't" Then after he gave me the corn, I looked him in the eye and said "that was a pretty corny joke"
Bought these expensive sausages, and my ungrateful kids won't eat them because, in their words, "they're past the expiration date".
Son: Dad, do you ever eat your steak with the blood still in it?
Dad: I do, Son, but it's very rare. 🍖
In the Star Wars Universe, they don't eat baby wookiees ...
because they are a little chewy.
My daughter was having a pretend dinner party with her teddy bear, when she asked, “Do you want anything to eat, Mr. Bear?” In my best bear voice, I replied...
“No thanks, I’m stuffed!"
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