Why do tectonic plates have to wear diapers?

Because they struggle within continents.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/I-Fucked-YourMom
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
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Asked my wife how many diapers I should get

A shitload

πŸ‘︎ 100
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShadeTreeMechanix
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
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I just found out that they make special diapers for baby boys.

They call them diap-hims.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zosymandias
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2021
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Jokingly said it was a poopy diaper, wife was surprised and asked β€œReally?!?!”

I said no, I’m just making shit up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/foflexity
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag.

Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
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I wore a diaper to the comedy show

Just for shits and giggles

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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I need to start wearing a diaper when I go to Vegas...

It’s always just a matter of time until craps ruin my day

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vanillathunda1989
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
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You guys ever see the price of diapers?

Shit’s expensive.

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ziograffiato
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
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Does anyone know how to get stains out of cloth diapers?

We've tried everything, but it remains undie turd.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lan_mcdo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
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What kind of diapers does Sidney Crosby wear?

Da pens

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
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My wife keeps trying to make me wear diapers

She’s got to be kid-ding me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RosselWestbrook
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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Why did the dad change the poopy diaper?

He was #2 in the household pecking order.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/malker84
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
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I take my time when choosing a diaper cream...

I don't want to make a quick, rash decision!

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CryptoReaper5
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
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I think my wife is changing my son’s diaper too often.

The box says they are good for up to 14 pounds.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
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There was a diaper bag on sale for only 23 cents.

I got it for spare change

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πŸ‘€︎ u/k2yip
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2020
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It's a grandpa joke but whatever. 'Kids, when you're my age, you'll really want to wear diapers again for 2 good reasons'

'What are the reasons?'

'#1, and #2'

'Oh grandpa...'

'You don't understand. #2 was a solid one'

'Stoooop'

'And you should already understand #1, it runs in your genes'

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gets_the_dad_joke
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2017
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I've been wearing diapers recently for two reasons

Number one and number two

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Onlyux
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
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Her: what took you long? Me: you dont say. I just had a chat with our son bout how he should be wearing a proper underwear instead of diapers,

It was just a brief discussion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aplikante011
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
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They say Counterfeit diapers are an accident waiting to happen

But I think they are full of crap

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
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My boss is like a diaper...

Always on my ass and usually full of shit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RobRoy333
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...

They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GamingGod07770
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
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Why did the landlocked country need diapers?

Because it was in-continent!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZoggekTheSavage
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
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What do you say to a baby who speaks French and wets his diaper?

European man

(Courtesy of my husband)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/treegirl
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2019
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I'm always asked to put on a new diaper for our baby, but I childishly refuse.

My wife wishes I would change.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bbtehbuild
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2019
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What kind of diapers did Michael Jackson's kids wear?

Hug HeeHees

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KrissKross94
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
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What did the Pink Panther say to his misbehaving son during a diaper change?

Butt up - butt up - butt up butt up butt up butt up butt up!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BriGuySupreme
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2018
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What kind of bear wears diapers?

Winnie the Pooh

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mootpoint23
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2018
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Diapers

Diapers come in sizes that are rated according to the baby's weight i.e. "up to 12 lbs". Every time my dad (grandpa to my kids) sees a pack of diapers he says " I don't think they'll hold that much ". Every. Single. Time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/emjayt
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2013
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My grandad went crazy and stopped wearing his diapers. I guess you could say he’s

off the Depends

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/esc_life
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2018
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My kids' diapers have characters like Eeyore, Tigger, Piglet, etc...

Occasionally I tell my wife, "We can't use that one, it already has Pooh on it."

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kuzinrob
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2018
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My 1 week old son has some bad diaper rash.

He’s pretty butthurt about it.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rdscruggs
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
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My baby daughter has diarrhea. I've changed so many poopy diapers today, I couldn't even tell you how many.

They all just kinda run together at this point

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cbenjaminsmith
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
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My wife got mad at me today for not changing a poopy diaper.

I told her, "the box says good for 15-18 lbs! there isn't even 1 lb of poop in there now."

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zardif
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2018
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I think I need to get my baby new diapers.

They say they are rated for 14-18 lbs but they keep splitting open when they are only 4-5 lbs full.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Glorified-Pillow
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2018
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Someone stole diapers and baby pacifiers from the childcare center.

It was a nursery crime.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2018
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I heard reusable diapers were much cheaper...

...Since the baby was born I don’t have much disposable income.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ouroborostoken
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2018
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I had an offer to invest in a diaper company. But I refused.

Seemed like a pretty crappy business to me.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HisAnteater2
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2018
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My husband and I were changing our 3 week old son's diaper

It's 3 am, we're both exhausted, and this tiny child just took the biggest poop!

Me: Wow! That's a hefty diaper!

Husband: Actually, that's a Pampers...Hefty makes trash bags.

Me: groan I'm going to bed!

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Larusse
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2016
🚨︎ report
My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag.

Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.

πŸ‘︎ 379
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ntuso
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag.

Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RobRoy333
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag.

Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sgav
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I only wear diapers for two reasons

Number one And number two

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Th3N30nGam3r
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2018
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