I’ve decided to name my son Mark.
That way, when I die, I’ll be able to say I left a mark on this world.
I asked my Dad why he decided to buy a boat?
He said "There was a sail."
Who's the genius that decided to call it "Emotional baggage ".....
.....and not "griefcase."
When I was young I decided to become an archeologist.
Now my career is in ruins.
So I've decided to start a new company that sells fans
As a patriot, I have decided to buy my next Honda directly from Japan and pay the necessary tariffs.
It will...be my Civic duty.
I decided to sell my vacuum...
It was only collecting dust.
My wife and I have decided that we don't want children
And if anyone does we can drop them off at the weekend
Hitler was reborn and decides to open a restaurant for young audiences.
It's his cool n' aryan future!
Decided to plant mums this year.
I’ve decided to open a museum dedicated to bracelets that happen to be magnetic.
Hopefully it will be a big two-wrist attraction.
I ended things with my communist girlfriend.
I decided to stop walking under billboards after one collapsed on top of me.
I took it as a sign from above.
Who decided to shorten this years Pi Day by an hour?
This was a very irrational decision
So with the new iPhone 13’s coming out this year they decided to change the charger name
It’s now called Apple Juice
Why did the meat cutter decide against a career in stand-up comedy?
He was afraid he would butcher all the jokes.
I've decided to switch careers to study modern female rappers.
I think my parents will be so proud when they learn I'm a Cardi-B-ologist.
It is so hot in my city that I decided to meet my ex
She gave me a cold shoulder.
this year, i have decided to type everything in lower case letters.
i have stopped giving a shift.
My wife and I decided to get matching ink on vacation, so I got a tat
Walking around the mall with my daughter and we decided to go down a level. She expressed disappointment the elevator was broken,
I told her, " The escalator is just like an elevator but with extra steps."
I decided I want to do some more exercise after listening to Queen.
I want to ride my bicycle.
After careful consideration, I’ve decided to go on an entirely vegetarian based diet.
I will now only eat animals that are herbivores.
The wife and I have decided we don’t want kids
They’re not taking it very well
While waiting for a school-related live stream, me and my friend decided to throw words at each other and make puns out of them. This is one of my most proudest puns.
For Valentines Day, I decided to get my wife some beads for an abacus.
It's the little things that count.
I've decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because I'm not big enough or strong enough.
I've just handed in my too weak notice.
Whoever decided to called them Dentures....
....really missed an opportunity to call them Substitooths.
I decided to throw a block of butter off my roof today...
I guess i could say that i saw a butterfly
I decided not to go to Grandma’s funeral
I’m not really a mourning person.
I've decided to seek help for my irrational fear of speed humps...
I'm slowly getting over it.
I won $6million in the lottery and have decided to donate a quarter of it to charity....
I now have $5.999,999,75c left.
My wife and I have decided that we don’t want children
We will be telling them tonight.
I've decided to invest all my money in soup stocks
I want to be a bouillonaire.
I recently decided to learn sign language...
So that I can tell jokes nobody has ever heard.
My wife was trying decide between sweep rowing [4 or 8 rowers, one oar each] and sculling [one rower, two oars].
I told her she had to choose one oar the other.
Today, my wife and I decided we would not like children.
So we will be kicking them out tonight.
I havent read a book in ages. So i decided to start with a book of how clocks work.
The other day I decided to install a highly decorative wall plug in my living room.
I needed a creative outlet.
today is my first cake day so I decided to give you guys a joke
What do you call an Irishman bouncing off the walls?
Rick O Shea
A robot from the future decided to avoid eliminating its target for as long as possible
Elon Musk decided not to move in to Texas
I guess you can say he got cold feet
How do Mexicans decide who gets promoted?
I’ve finally decided to shave my private area.
I need to stop beating around the bush.
I once met a talking dog, and decided to ask "what do you get from a tree's outer layer?"
But it's answer was just a bark
Edit:spelling
When I was young I decided to become an archeologist.
Now my career is in ruins.
For Valentines Day, I decided to get my girlfriend some beads for an abacus.
It’s the little things that count.
I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner...
Well, it was just collecting dust.
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