What do you call an old-school linux user who also likes to go to clothing optional beaches?

A gnudist!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eat-rainbows
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
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My gay lover asked me if date night was optional.

I said no, it's a mandate

πŸ‘︎ 75
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hunnythebadger
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
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Last Sunday I ran a 5K at a clothing-optional resort.

When I told my coworker she asked how can men run naked without wearing any support.

Of course I said, it isn't hard.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ReverendKen
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
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The real recursion joke is in the optional text.

The real recursion joke is in the title.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
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We took a wrong turn on our vacation and wound up at a clothing optional beach. Only one guy was actually naked....

He was the nudest

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnnoyingOldGuy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2016
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I had to weigh my options
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maznificent
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
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While filling up a survey, I came across a gender option: Canadian.

I guess I am Eh-sexual.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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A man in my gym just proposed and she said no.

They didn’t workout.

Edited: It changed to they.

Thanks lornstar7

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πŸ‘€︎ u/justbeatitTTD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
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Number wars, a dad joke story.

6 couldn't believe it. 7 had finally gone off the deep end. 7 had long offended 6. A repeat 6 offender if you will. But this was unforgivable. 9 was his best friend. How could he do this to his best friend? How could it be that 7 ate 9?

6, filled with fury, called his friends 2 and 4. They would get even. 10 was the best friend of 7 you see. 2, 4 and 6 ate 10 to get even. They then began plotting further revenge, but 7 acted first. He gathered 1, 3 and 5 together to take down 6.

Realizing that the odds were against them, 2, 4 and 6 retreated. Their only option was to turn to 12 who had twice the resources 6 had. 7 couldn't follow.

12 quickly called 3 to find out what the root of 7's attack on 9. 3 wasn't sure. He had only supported 7 because of a long standing friendship. But 3 promised to get to the root cause.

Meanwhile, 7's scheming was not yet done. 12 was powerful, but there was one who could reverse his decision to harbor 6. If he could just convince 21, nicknamed blackjack, to reverse 12's decision, it would all be over.

Three times 7 went to 21's compound. On the third try he was able to get through. After explaining that 6 had masterminded the elimination of 10, a grand meeting of the numbers was called.

Both 6 and 7 argued over the whole thing. 13 had the unlucky task of adjudicating the meeting. Each time 13 made an argument, 6 and 7 would add to it by shouting over each other.

Finally, 21 had had enough. "7, why did you eat 9"

7 responded "I just wanted to get 3 square meals." 21 had 7 eliminated for initiating the battle and 6 jailed for masterminding 10's death. And the war was over.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
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Got a job at a potato chip factory. On top of salary they said I could pick any flavor chip off the shelf once a month.

They prided themselves in their stock options.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cross2085
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
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What angle should you approach a problem from?

The right angle. If that’s not an option, then the try-angle.

P.S. This joke comes courtesy of my 8 year old son. I’m floored.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PiRRoundNotSquare
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
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Are these my only two options?
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2018
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I only have one option when my kleptomania gets really bad ...

I take something for it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mintyporkchop
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
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There must be a typo in the "sort by" options.

I chose "new" but they're all reposts... should be "knew" instead

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/feckinBANANA
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2020
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We need help naming some murderous cats.

We recently discovered mice in our pantry. Everyone’s advice? Get a cat. Apparently they are stone cold killers.

We made some calls and learned from our vet that they had two cats that need to be rehomed. I agreed to take them sight unseen. I think it’s a boy and girl but I don’t actually know. We pick them up next week.

We want to instill the right spirit into our mercenaries by naming them after famous murderers, but want to lighten the mood with puns.

So far we have come up with Jeffrey Paw-er but we are certain our Reddit friends can do better. We need male and female options. I understand one cat is black and the other is a brown mix.

We need help coming up with names, anyone up for the challenge??

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sveil96
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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Why did people loose so much money in derivative products and markets.

Because they had no option.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/saswata1194
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
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I'm gluten intolerant so ordering from Indian restaurants is a challenge.

They all tell me it's naan optional.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aviddd
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
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I just started a business where we specialize in weighing tiny objects.

It’s a small scale operation.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2020
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The other options for the Bridge of Sighs
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AmethystMonkey
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
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I once knew a guy whose entire career was based around rating the best ceilings for different houses. Ever day he researched the available options and what was best and worst about them.

He was a ceiling fan.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/linknt01
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
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Before my operation, my doctor gave me the option to be knocked out with gas or a boat paddle.

It was an ether/oar situation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JMJTO
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
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When your diverse options don’t fucking matter
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dasurica
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2019
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I can’t relax when I have multiple options for where to sleep when I’m camping

It’s two tents.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlooShinja
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
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Inflation hits hard
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
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Discussing dinner options;

Her: "Do you feel like Mexican?"

Me: "Well, I don't identify as Mexican."

Eyeroll

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
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I had to decide on what method I wanted to use in my house to get to the second floor. The options were stairs or a vertical climbing apparatus

I chose the ladder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WispOG
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
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Work gave me the option to work from home today because of the ice.

I took them up on it because earlier in the season I went for a pretty nice slide. It's like that old saying. Once skidding ice shy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bubblezoid
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
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They're lots of options when buying tape and duct tape gets a lot of recognition but i've

Always found transparent tape to be the clear winner.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/josefransisco
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2018
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What’s the great thing about buying a rowboat?

The options vary greatly- it’s never a this oar that situation

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/poiuy03
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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Kitchen scale

My 5 yr old son pulled down the kitchen scale and asked me what it was for. I explained what it was and we left the kitchen.

Later, my wife asks me what our son was asking about so I told her we were talking about what the kitchen scale is used for. She then asks me "Why is it still on the counter? Why didn't you put it away?!"

I said "Because, we were weighing his options."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/machinehead-
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
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The web designer presented us the options, but I knew right away which one we would go with.

I was love at first site.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lawpoop
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
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No matter which delivery option you choose you'll have to wait a while for coffee.

It's always ground shipping.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2019
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Looking at UberEATS options while I'm house sitting
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trip4Fun
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2018
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My boss gave me the option to use a ladder or a lift.

I chose the latter.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThisIce
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
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Magnet schools are an attractive educational option.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JukeboxSommelier
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2018
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What did the Russian say when he found out communism was the only option?

"If that is the case, then soviet."

πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calandro
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2016
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A wife asks her husband,

"Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and, if they have avocados, get six." A short time later, the husband returns with six cartons of milk. "Why did you buy six cartons of milk?" the wife asks. He replies, "They had avocados!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sweaty_Bollocks
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2018
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Why did the cop arrest the duck?

Because peace was never an option.

P.S it was selling quack.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ccchapagain
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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Know the difference
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pugs87456
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2018
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While filling an online survey, I came across a gender option: Canadian.

I think they meant Eh-sexual.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2019
🚨︎ report
While completing a survey, I came across a gender option: Canadian.

I think they meant Eh-sexual.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2018
🚨︎ report

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