What do you call a reptile who makes financially wise decisions?
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︎ Jan 06 2021
Norway just made the decision to put QR codes on the side of all its war ships.
Now they can Scandinavian!
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︎ Jul 17 2020
My kids are asking for a ping pong table for Christmas this year, but I told them that isnβt an easy decision.
A lot of bouncing back and forth.
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︎ Nov 25 2020
While you're making your decision, here are some pros and cons:
Pros: Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods, Tom Brady
Cons: Al Capone, Frank Abagnale, Ted Bundy
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︎ Nov 30 2020
I don't know what decisions the Supreme Court will make in 2021 but one thing is for sure...
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︎ Sep 22 2020
Iβm having trouble making decisions today...
Iβm not really sure how I feel about that.
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︎ Nov 21 2020
A traveling salesman offered me a deal on a coffin.
I told him that's the last thing I need.
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︎ Jan 18 2021
My wife says I second guess all of my decisions
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︎ Aug 06 2020
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
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︎ Sep 08 2020
Buying a mattress is a big decision.
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︎ Oct 12 2020
My dad didn't like the decision in Roe vs Wade
He said you had to see what type of river it was before you decide how to cross it.
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︎ Jul 22 2020
When a girl makes stupid decisions when she's turned on, can it be called clitical thinking?π€
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︎ Aug 29 2020
Bob:.. I went to see my doctor about having a vasectomy Jack:.. " That's a pretty big decision, have you talked it over with your family?"
Bob:..."Yes, they're in favor of it, 14 to 3..."
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︎ Sep 17 2020
There are rumors that Tesla is considering on a stretched, three row version of their Model X SUV. The project is on Musk's desk waiting for a decision on whether to go forward.
Their next car is Elon gated.
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︎ Sep 10 2020
A critical decision.
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︎ Jun 07 2020
My therapist says that I second guess every decision that I ever make.
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︎ Mar 13 2019
My decision
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︎ Apr 29 2020
What do you call a group of drunk state officials who make decisions?
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︎ Apr 14 2020
I invested all of my money in cannabis infused beef. I know . . itβs a risky decision.
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︎ Apr 26 2020
My son keeps making rash decisions.
As a dermatologist, it's all in a day's work.
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︎ Jun 06 2020
The decision for a liquid to fill the shape of whatever container they are in is...
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︎ Jun 08 2020
My Dr didnβt immediately treat my poison ivy reaction.
He doesnβt like to make rash decisions.
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︎ Jan 21 2021
If you are ever working on being more decisive and find yourself wanting to get a tuba, a trombone, and a round-bottomed dish - but you can only afford two of them and the dish will fit under your shirt - just remember:
Take the bowl, buy the horns .
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︎ Apr 12 2020
I made the decision to not date the girl with skin lesions on her face too hastily...
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︎ Apr 30 2020
Lily's fatal Greek mythology school play.
Lily liked Greek mythology a lot. Her favorite character was the titaness Rhea. She loved the story about her outsmarting Cronus with a stone in order to get her children back. She loved it so much in fact, that for the sake or realism, she decided to eat some rocks too for the upcoming school play she took part in! But, very soon after going onto the stage, poor Lily started convulsing on the floor. It was a poor decision to eat the stones. She knew that. But at least, she could die a Rhea.
.
.
.
I am so, so sorry. Please forgive me.
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︎ Jan 05 2021
Never criticize your wifeβs decisions...
Because you were one of them!
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︎ Dec 09 2019
My 7-year old niece made this up: What does Santa say when someone makes a bad decision?
That's a ho-ho-horrible idea!
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︎ Dec 25 2019
I took my bicycle to the bottle shop the other day...
I got a bottle of vodka and put it in the bike's basket. As I was about to leave I thought to myself that if I fell the bottle would break. So I drank all the vodka and then headed home. It turned out to be a really good decision because I fell eleven times on my way home.
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︎ Dec 18 2020
Scotland has made the decision to provide free sanitary products.
I would have predicted a trial period.
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︎ Feb 26 2020
I might have made some bad decisions yesterday
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︎ Jan 21 2020
My wife gave me an ultimatum. It was either her or my addiction to sweets.
The decision was a piece of cake.
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︎ Jan 30 2020
My Dermatologist was fired today
He made too many rash decisions
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︎ Nov 27 2020
In my house, I'm the boss.
My wife is just the decision maker.
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︎ Dec 03 2020
I hate last minute decisions about which frozen food should be for dinner.
They're never well thawed out.
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︎ Oct 02 2019
I regret every decision Iβve made thatβs led to this moment.
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︎ Jun 26 2019
People say circumcision doesn't hurt, but i disagree.
i was circumcised when i was born and i couldn't walk for almost a year.
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︎ Aug 09 2019
Interesting decision
Canβt decide whether I want to try enemas.
Like to call this feeling a dilenema.
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︎ Sep 14 2019
Will feels trapped inside his operating system, unable to make non-deterministic decisions.
Will free will free Will?
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︎ Oct 13 2019
Ending segregation was a split decision.
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︎ Oct 30 2019
The police show up on a crime scene
They walk in and see a man standing over a body with a broken neck. So they take the man into questioning and ask him why he did it, the man said
βIt was a snap decisionβ
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︎ Oct 15 2020
Why canβt you trust dermatologists?
They make rash decisions.
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︎ Oct 28 2020
The only decisions bar tenders make...
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︎ Jul 29 2019
My wife says I donβt know how to stick to my decisions.
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︎ Apr 19 2019
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
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︎ Oct 28 2020
As I sat at the bar, unsure of what to order, I realized I was in for a long night of pour decisions.
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︎ Mar 24 2019
The staff at my local strip club figured out a great way to make decisions.
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︎ Jul 25 2019
Vampires continuously make bad decisions...
...because vampires donβt reflect.
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︎ Oct 05 2018
My therapist says that I second guess every decision that I ever make.
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︎ Aug 14 2019
My Dermatologist was fired today...
...they say he was just making too many rash decisions.
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︎ Oct 31 2020
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