I went to buy a funeral plot in preparation for my eventual death...
I have to say, I had grave reservations when I left.
What do you call the gradual decline to eventual loss of living tree wives who you marry with the purpose of showing them off ?
I hope that the universe keeps on expanding forever so all the heat runs out some day. It means that eventually things are gonna be 0 K
So last night my boyfriend left the bedroom door open to get more heat in the room because there are more heating vents in the hallway than in the bedroom. I said, "You might say it's eVENTful." He didn't laugh. So then I said, "You'll laugh eVENTually."
I tried to organize a Hide and Seek tournament, but I eventually gave up.
Good players are hard to find.
I once debated a flat earthed. He got me so mad I stormed off, saying I'd come back around eventually.
You could say I went over the edge.
my brother in law was addicted to the hokey pokey. it took him a while but eventually he...
A very young lemon strolled into an underground metro station, buying and enjoying a coffee, chatting with other fruits and eventually riding on a nice, modern train.
One could say it was a sub-lime experience.
When I was in high school in Belleville, ON, a young local artist spray-painted a beautiful picture on a large concrete wall under a bridge by the Moira river. He didn't get permission to do this, however, and the city eventually painted over it.
Watching his picture go like that must've been pretty demuralizing.
All of the world eventually got the virus
But China got it right off the bat
Two antenna met on a roof and eventually got married
The ceremony wasn’t much but the reception was incredible
Evolution is so strange. Dolphins started off as sea creatures, then evolved to have legs, only to eventually return to the sea and lose them.
Kinda defeets the porpoise, don't you think?
You say yes, I say no
body expects the Spanish Inquisition!
As the bears ripen, they become heavier and eventually fall off 😁
I once debated a flat earther. He got so mad he stormed off saying he would walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong.
He’ll come around eventually.
One time my friends really wanted me to join them for a fishing excursion. I didn't want to at first but eventually joined them...
I am afraid that I succumbed to pier pressure.
If you had a Tesla and it got stolen...
Would it now be an Edison?
A boy is shoving candy into his face when his mom yells at him to stop.
"Don't eat so much candy all at once!"
"Why?" the boy replied.
"If you eat too much candy, you're stomach will get bigger, and bigger, and it will eventually explode!"
The boy is shocked by this image an immediately stops eating candy. The next day, the boy and mom go to church together, and the boy sits down next to a very visibly pregnant woman. The boy looks at her stomach, then up to her face, and says, "I know what you've been doing."
I knew my dad's influence would eventually pay off.
My dog happily chased a fly around the house, eventually nabbing it in one chomp.
I guess it's true: time's fun when you're having flies!
A long time bachelor met a girl in a bar with a glass eye.
As she sat down next to him her glass eye fell to the floor next to his stoll. He picked it up and handed it back to her.
They chatted all night and hit it off pretty well and eventually started dating.
One day while lying in bed, he turns to her and asks:
"Why me? Out of all the guys that were at the bar that night, why did you choose me?"
She looked at him surprised and said:
"Well, you caught my eye."
I didn't like Africa by Toto at first, or any of their other songs. But eventually I grew to really like them
I guess love isn't always on time
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually everyone will be quarantined to their homes without sports and in 9 months babies will be born.
They will be known as the Coronials
Poor Bart eventually caught Coronavirus..
...He was displaying the usual Simpsons.
I tried to make a coronavirus joke a while back.
No body laughed at that time, but eventually everyone got it.
A murderer who had poisoned his victims with iron supplements eventually and inadvertantly poisoned himself.
When he realized his mistake, he immediately called the police and confessed to all of the killings before laying down upon his death bed awaiting his own end, the same end that he had inflicted upon so many others. News media quickly came to the hospital and the killer was eventually asked two questions by two seperate reporters, one question following the other so quickly that he could not respond to the first before hearing the second. The first reporter asked, "How did the coffee taste that tipped you off into realizing you had poisoned yourself?" Where the second reporter blurted out, "How would you describe this situation where you have killed yourself by the very means you used to kill others?"
The murderous man only responded once before breathing his last breath:
"Irony," he replied.
This gun club wouldn't let me in until I could ejaculate bullets.
I was skeptical at first, but eventually I came a round
A guy is walking along, and he continues to walk. Eventually he walks into a well. Why did the guy walk into a well?
He couldn’t see that well
I always said that I would never ever go walking the dark scary tunnels in the earth.
Eventually, we’re all doomed to end up in super modern offices where the walls are whiteboards
The writing is on the wall
Once a Bank of America Bank cheque was lying next to a Wells Fargo Bank cheque, they started talking to each other and became friends....eventually, they became so close that they became
If you ever get locked out of your house just talk to the lock.
Years ago at my first IT startup we thought we'd caught a big break when we were asked to set up the campus network at a major college. However, the project eventually fell through when they failed to secure the necessary funding.
I still think about it sometimes - the WAN that got away.
Mona Lisa was once accused of murder....
Turns out, she was framed.
My wife said she has an irrational fear of revolving doors.
I told her she’ll come around, eventually.
I used to play triangle in a reggae band but eventually left...
...it was just one ting after another
A little story of a dadjoke that drove my wife crazy
When we were Christmas shopping for our kids, we went to target. After walking around for a while I got bored and eventually found a bouncy ball. It was a small inflatable basketball about tennis ball sized and being inflated instead of solid rubber, it made a louder noise when it hit the ground.
We were walking around and I was bouncing the ball. My wife got visibly irritated at the constant noise following her around and told me to please put it down. I bounced it again and said "I'm trying, but every time I do, it comes back up into my hand"
Que the groan.
All countries eventually got Coronavirus...
But China got it right off the bat.
All countries eventually got the coronavirus but...
china got it right of the bat
Evolution is so strange. Dolphins started off as sea creatures, then evolved to have legs, only to eventually return to the sea and lose them.
Kinda defeets the porpoise, don't you think?
All countries got coronavirus eventually, but...
China got it right off the bat!
Every country will eventually get coronavirus, but china got it right off the bat
Every country will get COVID-19 eventually...
but China got it right off the bat.
I tried to organize a Hide and Seek tournament, but I eventually gave up.
Good players are hard to find.
A flat earther was debating me and got so mad he said "I will walk off the edge of the earth to prove you wrong!!"
He'll come around eventually
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