It's criminal!
I opened a bag of Doritos and was about to start eating when I heard a tapping noise from inside the packet. I looked inside the bag and saw ane little Dorito on using a typewriter.
'What are you doing ?' I asked
'Shh, I'm writing a whodunit,' came the reply.
'Of course!' I exclaimed, 'you must be Agatha Crispie!'
π︎ 3
π
︎ Apr 04 2021
Where do French criminals take baths?
π︎ 58
π
︎ Feb 11 2021
Why didn't the criminal use their turn signal?
They were trying to go straight!
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 23 2021
How do you call a criminal undead?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 20 2021
A psychotic criminal stole a train. He said the reason was the voices in the head told him to.
π︎ 102
π
︎ Jan 17 2021
Why do criminals love using cows at their lookouts?
They are great at spotting moo-vement
π︎ 7
π
︎ Mar 05 2021
What did the egyptian people say when banishing the sexually confused criminal?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Feb 16 2021
How did exicutioners hear about the latest criminals?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 16 2021
As the detective examined the crime scene at the carnival he came upon the man working the βGuess your weightβ booth. The detective had the man arrested as an accomplice to the criminal.
He was charged with helping the criminal get a weigh.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Jan 19 2021
i have just been swooned by a man only to discover heβs a career criminal
i guess you could say i felon love
π︎ 27
π
︎ Nov 30 2020
The devil and a criminal work great together
After all, they have great sin-ergy.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 11 2021
Criminal justice has progressed
When a thief is caught today, itβs not like the olden days. Now, you get a mugshot and housed in a jail cell. Then, they were just drawn and quartered.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Nov 25 2020
Don't bother doing a criminal background check on me.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 03 2021
I once caught a criminal in the midst of stealing some luggage.
π︎ 25
π
︎ Nov 15 2020
What do you call a narcissistic criminal walking down the stairs?
A condescending con descending.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Nov 21 2020
I went to the museum and saw a painting of a criminal, who claimed his innocence and insisted the police planted evidence.
π︎ 30
π
︎ Nov 22 2020
I was telling my friend that brown rice is the same as white rice, but with a criminal record....
He thinks I'm a riceist for saying that.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 29 2020
Why can't rodents be succesful criminals?
Cause someone always rats them out
π︎ 24
π
︎ Nov 16 2020
Who is Cardi-B's healthy sister?
π︎ 67
π
︎ Mar 09 2021
Crooked teeth are criminal
Luckily a few years behind bars usually straightens them out
π︎ 34
π
︎ Oct 01 2020
How did the space criminal escape from the prison planet?
He achieved ESCAPE VELOCITY
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 01 2020
Anyone else surprised we don't see more toddlers with criminal charges?
Mine's always resisting a rest.
π︎ 31
π
︎ Oct 23 2020
I saw a cop zap a criminal with a Taser, but then shocked him again when he was already on the ground...
The first one was probably justified, the the second one was just re-volting.
π︎ 51
π
︎ Aug 15 2020
I hit a criminal with a sign yesterday
I must say I put a stop to them
π︎ 17
π
︎ Aug 25 2020
What do you call a criminal sleeping in a tent?
π︎ 13
π
︎ Aug 19 2020
What is the most wanted criminal rock?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jul 07 2020
What is police officers' favorite type of room to find criminals?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Aug 18 2020
Did you hear about the time the lead singer of the band βThe Policeβ went undercover to catch a criminal?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Aug 21 2020
What do you call a musical group of criminals that travels around the country but only along the outline of the country's border?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jun 27 2020
Did you know Hartford, CT has the friendliest criminals?
They excel at con-etiquette.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jun 10 2020
I just threw ice at a criminal and got him arrested
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jul 27 2020
I like to play Yahtzee with criminals
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jul 10 2020
My main job as a criminal wasn't paying much so I picked up a 2nd at a bakery
What can I say, I knead the dough
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jun 12 2020
Why couldn't the criminal steal the money alone?
He was banking on his friends to do it
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jun 20 2020
What did the pie-lice officer say to the criminal?
Youβre going into custardy.
π︎ 12
π
︎ May 10 2020
Take responsibility for your actions.
π︎ 111
π
︎ Jul 30 2020
What do you call criminal twins?
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 26 2020
My friend Robert is a lawyer who specializes in helping convicted people by getting their records erased permanently. Everyone calls him...
π︎ 13
π
︎ Dec 23 2020
What is Batmanβs catchphrase after he catches the criminals?
π︎ 15
π
︎ Mar 09 2020
Australia's most wanted criminal was arrested stealing a car in a car in Canberra today
π︎ 7
π
︎ Apr 27 2020
To the two criminals that stole my calendar:
I hope you both get six months.
π︎ 66
π
︎ Dec 12 2019
A cement mixer and a prison bus crashed on the highway...
Police advise citizens to be on the lookout for a group of hardened criminals!
π︎ 208
π
︎ Nov 22 2020
What do you call a snobby criminal climbing down the stairs?
A condescending con descending
π︎ 10
π
︎ Sep 25 2020
What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs?
A condescending con, descending.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Sep 08 2020
What do you call a snobbish criminal going down stairs?
A condescending con descending.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Sep 02 2020
What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs?
A condescending con descending!
π︎ 24
π
︎ Jul 02 2020
What do you call a narcissist criminal walking down the stairs?
A condescending con descending.
π︎ 36
π
︎ Dec 13 2019
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