Did you hear about the criminal who had a heart attack while running from the police?
He went into cardiac arrest.
It's criminal!
I opened a bag of Doritos and was about to start eating when I heard a tapping noise from inside the packet. I looked inside the bag and saw ane little Dorito on using a typewriter.
'What are you doing ?' I asked
'Shh, I'm writing a whodunit,' came the reply.
'Of course!' I exclaimed, 'you must be Agatha Crispie!'
I was lecturing on the criminal law concept of hot pursuit, and I asked there were any questions.
A student asked "what if you're ugly?'
As an old dad, I was befuddled for a moment before asking "did you just tell a dad joke?" She grinned, and I commissioned her as a dad on the spot.
Where do French criminals take baths?
Why didn't the criminal use their turn signal?
They were trying to go straight!
How do you call a criminal undead?
A psychotic criminal stole a train. He said the reason was the voices in the head told him to.
Why do criminals love using cows at their lookouts?
They are great at spotting moo-vement
What did the egyptian people say when banishing the sexually confused criminal?
How did exicutioners hear about the latest criminals?
As the detective examined the crime scene at the carnival he came upon the man working the “Guess your weight” booth. The detective had the man arrested as an accomplice to the criminal.
He was charged with helping the criminal get a weigh.
i have just been swooned by a man only to discover he’s a career criminal
i guess you could say i felon love
Criminal justice has progressed
When a thief is caught today, it’s not like the olden days. Now, you get a mugshot and housed in a jail cell. Then, they were just drawn and quartered.
The devil and a criminal work great together
After all, they have great sin-ergy.
Don't bother doing a criminal background check on me.
I once caught a criminal in the midst of stealing some luggage.
What do you call a narcissistic criminal walking down the stairs?
A condescending con descending.
I went to the museum and saw a painting of a criminal, who claimed his innocence and insisted the police planted evidence.
I was telling my friend that brown rice is the same as white rice, but with a criminal record....
He thinks I'm a riceist for saying that.
Last night my house was broken into, and all they stole was soap.
Dirty criminals. Cops say they got away clean
Why can't rodents be succesful criminals?
Cause someone always rats them out
Crooked teeth are criminal
Luckily a few years behind bars usually straightens them out
How did the space criminal escape from the prison planet?
He achieved ESCAPE VELOCITY
Who is Cardi-B's healthy sister?
Anyone else surprised we don't see more toddlers with criminal charges?
Mine's always resisting a rest.
I saw a cop zap a criminal with a Taser, but then shocked him again when he was already on the ground...
The first one was probably justified, the the second one was just re-volting.
What do you call formal wear made for satisfied mafia cats?
So I murdered a guy.
And I was told I had to consult a criminal lawyer.
Why would I let a criminal fight my case?
I hit a criminal with a sign yesterday
I must say I put a stop to them
What is the most wanted criminal rock?
What do you call a criminal sleeping in a tent?
What is police officers' favorite type of room to find criminals?
Did you hear about the time the lead singer of the band “The Police” went undercover to catch a criminal?
What do you call a musical group of criminals that travels around the country but only along the outline of the country's border?
Did you know Hartford, CT has the friendliest criminals?
They excel at con-etiquette.
I just threw ice at a criminal and got him arrested
I like to play Yahtzee with criminals
My main job as a criminal wasn't paying much so I picked up a 2nd at a bakery
What can I say, I knead the dough
Why couldn't the criminal steal the money alone?
He was banking on his friends to do it
What did the pie-lice officer say to the criminal?
You’re going into custardy.
What do you call criminal twins?
What is Batman’s catchphrase after he catches the criminals?
What do you call a snobby criminal climbing down the stairs?
A condescending con descending
What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs?
A condescending con, descending.
What do you call a snobbish criminal going down stairs?
A condescending con descending.
What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs?
A condescending con descending!
What do you call a narcissist criminal walking down the stairs?
A condescending con descending.
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