The hell is wrong with manslaughter!!

Aren’t men allowed to laugh?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/viky_boy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
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Manslaughter
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cfoster14
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
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You can't have manslaughter without laughter. reddit.com/r/oneliners/co…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/evamPUNdit
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
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Why was the cow convicted of first degree murder instead of manslaughter? imgur.com/TTZTb7g
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cappop
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2015
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What’s it called when you tickle a man to death by accident?

Manslaughter

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
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A man died from excessive laughter.

It was manslaughter!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
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A group of men are laughing

It was a manslaughter

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sagtooo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
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A guy died from laughing too much.

It was a manslaughter.

Edit: Whoa, thanks for 250 upvotes!

Edit 2: 500 upvotes for a dad joke I made up on the fly? Thanks so much to everyone!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/UrMamFat
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
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What word starts with "e", ends with "e", and only has one letter in it?

Envelope.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ENJOYblet
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2018
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The looting and rioting going on today is terrible, but if you're a man you shouldn't find it funny.

Because manslaughter is a crime.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 was wanted for manslaughter in the state of Ohio.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The99thRaider
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
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I heard a story once about a train driver.

He was operating a late night train and fell asleep at the controls. He ended up failing to recognise a stop sign and as a result his train hit a person and killed them immediately. He was tried for manslaughter and sentenced to the electric chair. Just before being put in the chair, he was given the choice of final meal and chose a single banana, oddly. His time came and he was placed into the chair, the room vacated and then the switch was thrown.

But... Nothing. No sparks, no burning, nothing. They checked the machine and it was working fine, it just seemed not to harm him. The state law meant that, legally, his sentence had been carried out and he was free to go. He walked away a free man, and actually got another job as a train driver.

Sadly, almost exactly the same thing happened again. This time his negligence killed two kids playing around on the tracks when again he'd fallen asleep and failed to stop the train in time. Hauled before the courts again, he got exactly the same sentence - the electric chair. He was asked again for his final meal, chose two bananas this time, and his sentence was carried out again.

And yet again, he didn't die. In fact, he was entirely unharmed. The state law remained the same, so he was let out again, where - somehow - he got another job with another train company. I guess it was the only job he was trained for (pardon the pun). Anyway, this time he did much better and worked hard to stay awake during his late shifts. But sure enough, eventually he slipped back in to old habits and this time killed five people - a family trying to free their dog stuck in the tracks.

Once again he faced a jury, once again they found him guilty and a judge sentenced him to the electric chair. This time he asked for 5 bananas, but the guard was wiley - he has read about this man and how he always had bananas before his sentence was carried out, and so this time (with a grin, it's said) he brought the train driver 5 apples instead. The guilty man plead and begged for bananas, but the guard claimed it was an honest mistake but too late to change now.

The man was lead for a third time to the electric chair. His head was wetted, his arms strapped in, and the guard eyed him with something between wonder and fear. Finally the room was vacated and the switch thrown. Surely this time the machine would do its job? With the process finished, the guard ran back into the room, only to find the man still alive and looking entirely healthy. "I do

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/homelesspancake
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
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What do you call it when a bunch of crows accidentally show up to the same place at the same time?

A manslaughter

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
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If you accidentally kill someone...

Are you irresponsible for their death?

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2017
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Why did the comedians go to jail?

Manslaughter!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ScheidNation21
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
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β€œHello 911.” β€œWhat’s your emergency?” β€œThese men won’t stop laughing.” β€œThat’s annoying, but not a crime.”

β€œWtf is manslaughter then.”

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2018
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The police arrested a group of men at a stand up comedy show

They were charged with manslaughter

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aaronrandango2
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2018
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I did a stand-up comedy gig for a law enforcement fraternity...

... I must have killed it, because they wanted to charge me with attempted manslaughter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PM_me_your_beavah
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2018
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A man was giggling in a police car on the way to the station. What crime did he commit?

Manslaughter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_love_420
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2016
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I was arrested for telling my dad the best joke ever...

Police said manslaughter was illegal

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πŸ‘€︎ u/2BitThief
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2017
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There once was a man.....

There once was a man who had a job driving a passenger train between two large towns. It could be a very dull job to some, but as the old saying goes, one man's trash is another's gold; he wanted to be a railroad man since he was a boy.

He was a wiz behind the controls of the train, and commanded the 15 car vehicle effortlessly as if he had been born to do the job. He prided himself on the fact that he could bend the rules and speed through curves and grades that made other motormen shiver and back off.

One day however, he wasn't so lucky and came round a bend too fast and derailed his train. He backed off the throttle and braked as much as he could, managing to only have one fatality out of 500 passengers on his train.

Months later there was a trial and he was found guilty of manslaughter in the highest degree, a capital offence in that land, and sentenced to die by electric chair. Punishment came swift, unlike most places, and 3 days after sentencing the former railroader was asked for his last meal.

"I'll have a banana," "Just a single banana?" said the perplexed guard. "The warden will grant you a feast and all you want is that?"

"Just a single banana." he said.

After he downed the fruit, he was strapped into the electric chair an hour later.... The warden hit the switch, lights flickered, and the crackle of electricity could be heard for over a minute...

...but our train jockey instead rose from the chair looking more like he got a stiff massage, rather than be put to death! Well in that nation, the law of the land states that if a man somehow survives being put to death, they must be set free...

...And so it came to pass that our engineer was let go...

And for whatever reason, he got his job back!

So he was back railroading again doing the job that he loved. You'd think he'd have been more cautious with this second chance he'd been given, but you'd also be wrong. Speedy Gonzales with a train license decided to gun his locomotive to hard and send it off the tracks again!

Of course, this time he was tried for the same crime, but at a different time (his was a fair commonwealth and double indemnity was simply unheard of!) So fair was their nation, that the jury came up with the same judgement and punishment. So three days later, when asked for his last meal, the engineer simply said "I'll have 2 bananas..."

Not less than 60 minutes after consuming the last morsel was he strapped into the chair and the switch thrown... And....

NOTHING.

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/onmugen
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2016
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