What do you call a thug with a riddle?

Beats the heck out of me!

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👤︎ u/Bennettizen
📅︎ Feb 25 2020
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Batman was fighting two thugs

He was in a combat

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👤︎ u/Fakipo2
📅︎ Dec 27 2019
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I used to make extra money by selling illegal tennis equipment on the side, but I was approached by some thugs who told me to stop.

I guess they control the Tennis Racket around here.

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📅︎ Mar 12 2019
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Thug Life Duck is Everything! youtube.com/watch?v=bhodA…
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👤︎ u/Bad_Bobby2009
📅︎ Aug 18 2019
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Bone Thugs n' ....
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👤︎ u/shinefire
📅︎ Dec 09 2016
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What animal would you be if you were a tall thug?

A G-raffe

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👤︎ u/SpurEH
📅︎ Aug 02 2017
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Why did OJ Simpson and Tupac never hang out?

Thug love didn’t fit.

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📅︎ Jan 19 2020
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Whatever you do, don't spell part backwards

Because it's a trap

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👤︎ u/SirSnider
📅︎ Jul 11 2017
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This might be so old it's new again

A comedian backed by the Mafia was doing a show in New York. In the audience was group of foreign religious leaders, in town for a UN conference. Oddly, that group was very vocal in their heckling of the poor comic. Particularly vociferous was the Hindu leader from India.

Noticing this from offstage, the Mafia Don told one of his thugs to make his way to their section and menacingly "encourage" them that they should "shaddap already".

The thug asked the Don if there was one of the group who should receive... "extra-strength" encouragement. The Don replied "Yes. Weigh down upon the Swami ribber".

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👤︎ u/SQLDave
📅︎ Aug 28 2019
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I believe it's wrong for humans to selectively breed dogs until their faces are smashed flat and they can't breathe normally.

Hugs not pugs.

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👤︎ u/wrethlig
📅︎ May 28 2018
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[Request] Need a good phone related pun!

A phone company that a family member works for asked their employees to come up with a pun. She's having trouble, so I told her I'd post here for some help.

She needs a pun relating to something like phone, 4g, call, or anything like that.

Example: Phone thugs-n-harmony

Show me what you got r/puns!

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👤︎ u/DeafEnt
📅︎ Dec 27 2014
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These friars were behind on their belfry payments...

...so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

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👤︎ u/JButler22093
📅︎ Jan 10 2018
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From the 2004 Gamecube game

Spider-Man: walks into gym, sees loads of thugs

Spider-Man: "Hiding out in a gym? How's that working out for you?".

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👤︎ u/TheLinguistGamer
📅︎ Mar 28 2016
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Dad's thoughts on landscaping in the hood.

We were sitting around the dinner table talking about buying some trees to plant in the lawn this fall.

Dad says: "We need some thug trees."

We all give him a puzzled look and ask what on earth he means by that.

His reply: "I hear they're very shady."

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👤︎ u/localglocal
📅︎ Jun 03 2015
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I don't know if this counts as a Dad Joke but it's my dad's favorite joke

A man was walking around in a city filled with crime. Every person living in that city is a member of a certain gang...

The man is ambushed by a group of thugs ready to attack him at any moment, the leader of the group says: "We will ask you a question, answer incorrectly, and we will beat the life out of you. Answer correctly, and we will let you go."

The man was afraid, so he agreed.

The leader says: "Are you with us, or are you with "them"?"

The man responds: "I am with you."

The group proceeds to beat him within an inch of his life

As the group starts to leave, the man asks "I said I was with you people, why did you hit me?"

The leader turns towards him and says: "We're with them."

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📅︎ Jul 10 2014
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