We recently discovered mice in our pantry. Everyone’s advice? Get a cat. Apparently they are stone cold killers.
We made some calls and learned from our vet that they had two cats that need to be rehomed. I agreed to take them sight unseen. I think it’s a boy and girl but I don’t actually know. We pick them up next week.
We want to instill the right spirit into our mercenaries by naming them after famous murderers, but want to lighten the mood with puns.
So far we have come up with Jeffrey Paw-er but we are certain our Reddit friends can do better. We need male and female options. I understand one cat is black and the other is a brown mix.
We need help coming up with names, anyone up for the challenge??
You egg-secute it!
Dyson.
He was made from 100% American copper.
It was a bad heir day!
A krillminal.
Serial Chiller
I was worried until I found out he was a Crow
Just stay in the living room.
Turns out, she was framed.
He found his locomotive.
But, to be honest, I just intended to rough him up a bit.
His answer was simple. There is no Netflix in prison.
Annoying
is it a 34 degree murder in the US?
It was a clean kill
Because i wanted tequila.
Murd'Oeurves
But sometimes they kill the audience
^(most crows drank at home by themselves.)
It was a brief case.
But as I got closer it flew away
The Nile-ist
The police are saying it was an inside joke.
The prosecution had gnocci witnesses
Investigators aren't sure yet, but they discovered he had a loco motive.
does that mean 2 or 3 would be an attempted murder?
But between you and me, I don’t think he was abel to do it.
He re-Poe-ed them.
and not “buzzkills”?
“I art to be feeling bad” they said
I only counted 2 crows though, so I guess it was really an attempted murder
BF- “ Our relationship is what? Over.”
A cereal killer.
His media name is Wurst Case Scenario
He was charged with attempted murder.
The headline was “pun and ten dead” (meant to sound like pun intended.)
Definitely not the best but it was kinda funny. He was definitely pleased with it
A loco motive.
The fish is found “gill”ty
A crowbar.
They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.
Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.
As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.
They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.
Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?
They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.
"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".
They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.
But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.
The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.
And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!
Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?
"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"
In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and
... keep reading on reddit ➡Remains to be seen.
