An unmanned aircraft.
Five minutes later, ten barbers asked how I wanted my hair.
Astronots
He heard they were there to shoot a pilot
He had no idea he had started a turf war.
All Hans On Deck!
...that's where I finally had to draw the line.
I was on the Crews' crew's crew cruise crew.
Once upon a time there was a pirate captain who was the most amazing best captain a crew could ever ask for. His crew loved him more than anything and would do absolutely anything for him.
One day as they were sailing, a crew member In the crows nest shouts, “one ship off the port side!” Immediately the captain yells at his crew, “Men! Bring me my red shirt!”
Slightly confused, the men hesitate for a second and then hurry off to bring the captain his red shirt. Amazingly they win the battle!
The men are so happy and thankful their captain brought them safely through the battle they don’t even care why the captain wanted his red shirt.
A few months of sailing some more, again the man in the crows nest yells, “Two ships off the port side!” Quickly the captain screams, “Men! Bring me my red shirt!” The crew doesn’t hesitate this time to get him his red shirt and what do you know? They win this battle too!!
The crew is astounded at their captains awesomeness!!! They honestly could not find anyone better. This time though the crew stops a moment and asks the captain, “Why do you always have us bring you your red shirt?”
The captain replies, “Well men, if I get stabbed the blood will blend into my red shirt and it will look like I’m not hurt so that you will all fight as hard as if I were still alive.”
The men can’t believe what they hear! How could they be so lucky as to have a captain so incredibly smart and courageous??!!
Two seconds later, “TWENTY SEVEN SHIPS OFF THE PORT SIDE!!!!!!!”
Calmly, with an even tone, the captain says, “Men, bring me my brown pants.”
Doctors without boarders
A good retirement plan.
And I just KNOW if I were up there I would be physically unable to keep myself from responding "Dragon to Mission Control, I read with my eyes, over." I wonder how many times before they airlock me.
... I had to give them a stern warning.
The clean-up that followed was all hands on deck.
Doctors said the man had died from dissin’ Terry
it was called Run DMZ.
I work in an office with 2 other guys and we all get along very well. Once every other week, a cleaning crew comes in to sweep, dust, mop etc.
One of the cleaning crew had a duster out and was dusting my coworkers desk. He told the lady to hit me with the duster as I was acting silly as usual. She said she couldn't as she would go to jail for battery. I said, "No. You would go to jail for assault with a dusty weapon."
The audible groans and chuckles were fuel to my dad humoured fire.
He's my mast-cot.
He died from dysentery.
All fries on me.
They were charged with "Idle Warship".
Ro me ti
The captain responded, "No shit, I used to be a seaman."
Well deserved. Take a Bao.
Hot Poles filling pot holes.
They didn’t have commander data with them.
They couldn't have any dead weight.
It's ex-siding
It was on r/upliftingnews
A Prime Directive
A censorship!
would that crew member be hoisted by his own Picard?
An Uhuracane
So you can make sure to do all the wrapping for the holidays.
Because its job was killing infant tree.
I can only put them on the hood of my merry weather truck. But I've seen them on the side.
they say he was hoist by his own Picard...
When I helped him out in the shop:
Me: I think I put that bolt in the wrong hole.
Dad: Did it slap you?
Me: What?
Dad: Well, if it didn't slap you, then it wasn't in the wrong hole!
Bonus dad joke:
Me: What's for dinner?
Dad: Something with food in it.
(Every single night)
They were all marooned.
