I heard that 23% of the crew of Christopher Columbus' Santa Maria were named Juan

Which means there was a three to Juan ratio

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KalNymeri
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call an aircraft piloted by an all female crew ?

An unmanned aircraft.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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The barber asked how I wanted my hair. I said I wanted a crew.

Five minutes later, ten barbers asked how I wanted my hair.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Risho96
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2021
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What do you call the crew of a rocket launch that gets cancelled?

Astronots

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bobby_vance
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
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My elderly neighbor had some landscapers take care of his lawn every weekend for several years. Recently, he hired a new crew, but forgot to fire the old crew. So this weekend they both showed up to mow his lawn, and got into a fight over who should be there.

He had no idea he had started a turf war.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/flash17k
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
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The Captain of our flight called the cops when he saw a film crew

He heard they were there to shoot a pilot

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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What Did The Bavarian Say To His Crew When The Ship Had A Leak?

All Hans On Deck!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Podomus
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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During my first month on the road paving crew, they always gave me all the worst jobs. I endured all of it, up until they put me on paint duty...

...that's where I finally had to draw the line.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Last summer, I worked on a party boat for the assistants to the staff of Terry Crews

I was on the Crews' crew's crew cruise crew.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/exmachinalibertas
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
🚨︎ report
A captain and his crew. (Hopefully hasn’t been posted before lol)

Once upon a time there was a pirate captain who was the most amazing best captain a crew could ever ask for. His crew loved him more than anything and would do absolutely anything for him.

One day as they were sailing, a crew member In the crows nest shouts, β€œone ship off the port side!” Immediately the captain yells at his crew, β€œMen! Bring me my red shirt!”

Slightly confused, the men hesitate for a second and then hurry off to bring the captain his red shirt. Amazingly they win the battle!

The men are so happy and thankful their captain brought them safely through the battle they don’t even care why the captain wanted his red shirt.

A few months of sailing some more, again the man in the crows nest yells, β€œTwo ships off the port side!” Quickly the captain screams, β€œMen! Bring me my red shirt!” The crew doesn’t hesitate this time to get him his red shirt and what do you know? They win this battle too!!

The crew is astounded at their captains awesomeness!!! They honestly could not find anyone better. This time though the crew stops a moment and asks the captain, β€œWhy do you always have us bring you your red shirt?”

The captain replies, β€œWell men, if I get stabbed the blood will blend into my red shirt and it will look like I’m not hurt so that you will all fight as hard as if I were still alive.”

The men can’t believe what they hear! How could they be so lucky as to have a captain so incredibly smart and courageous??!!

Two seconds later, β€œTWENTY SEVEN SHIPS OFF THE PORT SIDE!!!!!!!”

Calmly, with an even tone, the captain says, β€œMen, bring me my brown pants.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RecTym
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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Nascar pit crews have one very solid benefit

A good retirement plan.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lfantine
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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I keep hearing Mission Control check in with Dragon Crew, asking "How do you read, over."

And I just KNOW if I were up there I would be physically unable to keep myself from responding "Dragon to Mission Control, I read with my eyes, over." I wonder how many times before they airlock me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/H_G_Bells
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm a sea captain, my crew was goofing off at the back of the ship...

... I had to give them a stern warning.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2020
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Did you know that Terry Crews once had a heckler that mysteriously dropped dead?

Doctors said the man had died from dissin’ Terry

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πŸ‘€︎ u/P8ntballz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
An explosion on an aircraft carrier severed most of the crew’s arms at the wrist.

The clean-up that followed was all hands on deck.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/radioclash86
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the North Korean hip-hop crew that escaped to the south?

it was called Run DMZ.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cuank
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
🚨︎ report
The cleaning crew stopped by my office to dust

I work in an office with 2 other guys and we all get along very well. Once every other week, a cleaning crew comes in to sweep, dust, mop etc.

One of the cleaning crew had a duster out and was dusting my coworkers desk. He told the lady to hit me with the duster as I was acting silly as usual. She said she couldn't as she would go to jail for battery. I said, "No. You would go to jail for assault with a dusty weapon."

The audible groans and chuckles were fuel to my dad humoured fire.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CarFlipJudge
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
🚨︎ report
On my yacht, I make one of the crew dress in cute costume to stand for the pole supporting the yards, booms, and rigging...

He's my mast-cot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
🚨︎ report
If Tom Cruise and Terry Crews sold tickets for a meet and greet on a Ship headed for Mexico, they'd advertise the Cruise-Crews Cruise to Veracruz.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_Tamassran_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2018
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I once heard a man insult the loveable Terry Crews. I waanted to beat the shit out of him, but I knew karmic justice would judge him fairly.

He died from dysentery.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fermatajack
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
🚨︎ report
What did Tupac say when he bought his whole crew McDonalds?

All fries on me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Taco_PooPoo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the dyslexic Captain say when he tried to teach his crew how to sing?

Ro me ti

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JimJobJugger
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Congratulations to director Domee Shee and her Pixar crew for winning Best Animated Short at the Oscars!

Well deserved. Take a Bao.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cracksilog
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
🚨︎ report
A young-looking sea captain comes on deck to greet his crew for the first time and one man blurted out by accident, "He's a baby!"

The captain responded, "No shit, I used to be a seaman."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/blekais
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
🚨︎ report
If Terry Crews had a GPS voice (x-post from /r/funny)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Point21Gigawatts
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2015
🚨︎ report
Sweaty road repair crew in Warsaw:

Hot Poles filling pot holes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mwmillman
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
🚨︎ report
The Star Trek crew couldn’t use the internet outside of WiFi range.

They didn’t have commander data with them.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
🚨︎ report
A ship was sinking and the crew had to throw coffins overboard.

They couldn't have any dead weight.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
🚨︎ report
The crew began removing/replacing our siding this morning

It's ex-siding

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigfatbeard
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the helicopter crew who rescued a CNN reporter?

It was on r/upliftingnews

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryanm1903
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
🚨︎ report
What order cannot be divided between the crew?

A Prime Directive

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zenofire
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2017
🚨︎ report
what do you call a boat when the crew can't speak their mind?

A censorship!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hopelessnerd-exe
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2017
🚨︎ report
If the Captain of the USS Enterprise (NCC-1701-D) were to betray one of his crew members...

would that crew member be hoisted by his own Picard?

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2016
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What do you call it when the crew of the starship enterprise enters a massive, destructive weather pattern?

An Uhuracane

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zibani
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2018
🚨︎ report
Just a few days left to join a hip-hop crew.

So you can make sure to do all the wrapping for the holidays.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/anxdiety
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2017
🚨︎ report
An all-female crew lands an airliner into a country they're not allowed to drive in. reddit.com/r/pics/comment…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/live4lifelegit
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2016
🚨︎ report
A machine gun crew shot over a thousand saplings.

Because its job was killing infant tree.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KuntaStillSingle
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2014
🚨︎ report
How to put crew emblems on the side of cars?

I can only put them on the hood of my merry weather truck. But I've seen them on the side.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RiddledM
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2014
🚨︎ report
Apparently an unaired episode of Next Generation featured a genestealer villain who tried to make evil clones of the Enterprise's crew.

they say he was hoist by his own Picard...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpacemanBates
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2016
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the pirate blue crew crashed into the red crew?

They were all marooned.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hankthetank2112
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2018
🚨︎ report

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