I texted "Oh Pun the Door"
I think she's in-to-resting.
Because they had a fight and 71.
Kid: Y
Me: Coz I want to know.
Coz he was in a good mew-ood
Why was the windows HQ filled with doctors? Coz they didn't have apple to keep the doctors away
Coz it's always spotted
because I just drive everywhere
Coz he's turning 12 tomorrow!
They are only good with small arms.
He tried to hypotenuse everyone.
Wat goes a round, comes a round
Coz they're extinct.
she was having a real identitty crisis
coz switches be trippin,
Coz i dont wanna be the only person left alive here.
"They tasted funny."
Coz they multiply by dividing.
Coz, the next door neighbor put a fence around his house
I was being annoying to receptionist of McDonald's , coz my food choices were not certain, she got angry and handed me McNuggets, and said “Nugget the hell out of here”
Coz it always went past my head
Coz they had a Rocky relationship
So I had a productive day at work coming up with these Capital City puns a year ago today. Thought they were too good not to share!
Why did the Geordie arrange a holiday to Romania?
To book a rest!
Bob Mortimer was speaking to his comedy partner's wife saying he wanted to take him on a piss up to Iceland. When asked why he said:
I want to wreck ya vic!
Why should you never let a man go swimming in Finland with weights on his ankles?
Coz He'll sinky
What do people most commonly use toilet paper for in Bandar Seri Begawan?
Their Brunei
Catwoman bet her male counterpart he couldn't pronouce the capitol of Nepal. But cat man do.
Why was the Polish man rubbing his bollocks? Coz they warsaw.
I just came up with a cracking pun for Japan. Alas, all the wife could say was "What Tokyo so long?"
The ex Mrs McCartney got naked in East Germany in the 80s. She was known for years in the area as Bare-lin
Cheap flights to Russia still available! Book now! Everything Moscow!
The people of Bahamas think learning Capitol cities is Nassau important
The people of the Netherlands had a need to build a water driven power station as well as an overabundance of pork products. So they used 'Ams to Dam a river.
A husband and wife in the Phillipines were both very, very unwell. The woman was sick, but the man iller.
What's the average Senegalian's favoured mode of transport? Da car
Have you heard about the talking cat in Somalia that only throws insults? The Moggy Diss you
They are obsessed with John Cleese in Uruguay. They love a video of Fawlty towers almost as much as they love a Montevideo
People from Vietnam Hanoi the hell outta me
Rain storms are very rare in Zambia, but in Zimbabwe they Harera
Before you do a joke about Macedonia, let me Skopje right there
I've heard Swedish Ikea workers get stuff for free, they can just take Stockholm
If you are trying to eat Halal in Pakistan, Islamabad or good choice?
Burger, coz it's a fast food
Coz he’s dead (Ha. Bet you thought I was going to say coz the p is silent)
Took my iMac in because the hard disc failed. The machine is 6 yrs old so I was made to feel embarrassed coz it was 'vintage and obsolete, Apple don't carry parts and can't help'. I was becoming a bit pissed off at the attitude I was getting then more pissed off when Mr Genius started to tell me to buy some suction pads that glaziers use to carry sheets of glass around, pull out the screen, undo 18 screws etc etc to change the disc myself. That's when I hit him with...
"Glaziers' suction pads? I thought they were only compatible with windows"
He didn't even flinch. Just completely ignored it and carried on sneering at me for having the audacity to be using an old machine. I left feeling like a piece of shit with only pride in my joke keeping me going.
A newly married couple were confused on how to spend their honeymoon , the husband wanted to go to Australia first but the wife wanted to go to TIC TAC world(coz fuck logic). Upon further debate they ended on going to australia first because the husband thought the sequence was authentic.
No, coz then they would be uncles.
[Discussing my plans to progressively steal more & more of my old Lego from my parents place]
Me: So this stuff I took was mostly technic pieces coz my nephew is way to young to understand how it all works
Her: But it's still harsh to be taking it - what about when he does become old enough for it?
Me: This is my plan for the future & the Lego which will go to our own children eventually... Call it... my legocy!!
[Wife makes one of the loudest dad joke groans I've ever heard]
