Trump can’t go to white house anymore coz it’s for-biden
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HamadRajput
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
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My wife locked me outside the house coz she got tired of my wordplay jokes

I texted "Oh Pun the Door"

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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Bruh, now i know why none of my posts have blown up, it's coz i asked to have them all in one piece yesterday.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yeetusdeleetus101
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
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People think my daughter's dull coz she loves taking naps...

I think she's in-to-resting.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BadxxxAdam
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2018
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Why is six afraid of seven?

7 was a well known 6 offender

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HisokaLaMagician
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
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Why was the duck arrested?

Coz he was selling quack

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Esmeralda_i
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2021
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Why was 69 afraid of 70?

Because they had a fight and 71.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NutDealer
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
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Why couldn't the chef go into the kitchen?

Coz he had gnocchi

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Esmeralda_i
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
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The Queen is immortal, it's not a joke

Coz a pawn would just go to the end of Britain and respawn as the Queen!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gandhitaher27
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Me: What is the first letter of the word β€œyellow?”

Kid: Y

Me: Coz I want to know.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/percy___potter
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
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A little chili
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/genesiscreation7
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2019
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My cat wrote a joke today

Coz he was in a good mew-ood

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BenTom_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do people like mushroom?

Coz he's a Fun-guy

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/A____S____
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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That escalated quickly v.redd.it/rw6gcjn1jzt11
πŸ‘︎ 186
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Robbzter
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2018
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I don’t have a carbon footprint

because I just drive everywhere

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pandacoat
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2020
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Did you hear the one about the hypnotist mathematician?

He tried to hypotenuse everyone.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/coolidiot2000
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2019
🚨︎ report
A cheetah would never win at hide and seek

Coz it's always spotted

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/phs_uw
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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Windows

Why was the windows HQ filled with doctors? Coz they didn't have apple to keep the doctors away

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ajay091011
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
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Why do T rexes not make great long range snipers?

They are only good with small arms.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
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My friend Wat never gains weight on vacation

Wat goes a round, comes a round

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jpereira73
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
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Today is the last time I am seeing my 11 year old brother!

Coz he's turning 12 tomorrow!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/okmango69
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
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A woman woke up from breast augmentation surgery and didn’t recognize herself anymore...

she was having a real identitty crisis

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickassicalia
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Why cant a T-rex clap with his hands?

Coz they're extinct.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/__teju
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
🚨︎ report
why was the electrician in the hood?

coz switches be trippin,

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/acceler8er
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2020
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I hope coronavirus doesn't spread through sex.

Coz i dont wanna be the only person left alive here.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gabbybaddy9
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2020
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Why did the cannibal stop eating clowns?

"They tasted funny."

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Empty_String
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2017
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Why are amoeba bad at maths?

Coz they multiply by dividing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/anonyruag01
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
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McPun

I was being annoying to receptionist of McDonald's , coz my food choices were not certain, she got angry and handed me McNuggets, and said β€œNugget the hell out of here”

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/garvitmastaadmi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2018
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Why was the neighbor offended

Coz, the next door neighbor put a fence around his house

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bollykeys
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I was never good at history in school

Coz it always went past my head

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kcir_semirg
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2018
🚨︎ report
These puns are Capital!

So I had a productive day at work coming up with these Capital City puns a year ago today. Thought they were too good not to share!

Why did the Geordie arrange a holiday to Romania?

To book a rest!

Bob Mortimer was speaking to his comedy partner's wife saying he wanted to take him on a piss up to Iceland. When asked why he said:

I want to wreck ya vic!

Why should you never let a man go swimming in Finland with weights on his ankles?

Coz He'll sinky

What do people most commonly use toilet paper for in Bandar Seri Begawan?

Their Brunei

Catwoman bet her male counterpart he couldn't pronouce the capitol of Nepal. But cat man do.

Why was the Polish man rubbing his bollocks? Coz they warsaw.

I just came up with a cracking pun for Japan. Alas, all the wife could say was "What Tokyo so long?"

The ex Mrs McCartney got naked in East Germany in the 80s. She was known for years in the area as Bare-lin

Cheap flights to Russia still available! Book now! Everything Moscow!

The people of Bahamas think learning Capitol cities is Nassau important

The people of the Netherlands had a need to build a water driven power station as well as an overabundance of pork products. So they used 'Ams to Dam a river.

A husband and wife in the Phillipines were both very, very unwell. The woman was sick, but the man iller.

What's the average Senegalian's favoured mode of transport? Da car

Have you heard about the talking cat in Somalia that only throws insults? The Moggy Diss you

They are obsessed with John Cleese in Uruguay. They love a video of Fawlty towers almost as much as they love a Montevideo

People from Vietnam Hanoi the hell outta me

Rain storms are very rare in Zambia, but in Zimbabwe they Harera

Before you do a joke about Macedonia, let me Skopje right there

I've heard Swedish Ikea workers get stuff for free, they can just take Stockholm

If you are trying to eat Halal in Pakistan, Islamabad or good choice?

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spoghead
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Stallone and his wife parted ways.

Coz they had a Rocky relationship

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jeffmin3
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2018
🚨︎ report
If burger and water melon race, who will win?

Burger, coz it's a fast food

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ihasanali
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the toilet?

Coz he’s dead (Ha. Bet you thought I was going to say coz the p is silent)

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_m1cr0w4v3_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Are you a lazy astronaught?

Coz you're Saturn Uranus

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shaykg
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Landed this on the 'Genius' in the Apple store...

Took my iMac in because the hard disc failed. The machine is 6 yrs old so I was made to feel embarrassed coz it was 'vintage and obsolete, Apple don't carry parts and can't help'. I was becoming a bit pissed off at the attitude I was getting then more pissed off when Mr Genius started to tell me to buy some suction pads that glaziers use to carry sheets of glass around, pull out the screen, undo 18 screws etc etc to change the disc myself. That's when I hit him with...

"Glaziers' suction pads? I thought they were only compatible with windows"

He didn't even flinch. Just completely ignored it and carried on sneering at me for having the audacity to be using an old machine. I left feeling like a piece of shit with only pride in my joke keeping me going.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/smithmf
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2016
🚨︎ report

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