Get it? Cuz Pringles are chips?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jan 31 2021
I got 99 candles, cuz she canβt buy one. [OC]
π︎ 16
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︎ Aug 16 2020
I cant take My dog to the pond anymore cuz the geese keep attacking him.
I guess thats whats I deserve for having a Pure bread dog
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Feb 15 2020
Annie are you okay? cuz...
π︎ 60
π
︎ Jun 03 2020
Are u isreali? Cuz u isreali hot
π︎ 18
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︎ Feb 17 2020
I broke up with my girlfriend cuz she always wanted me to help her bake bread...
π︎ 7
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︎ Apr 15 2020
Alcohol is gay cuz when u are drunk you cant think straight
π︎ 11
π
︎ Oct 06 2019
My sister was balling her eyes out cuz her boyfriend was cheating on her
You could say she was having a crisis
π︎ 4
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︎ Aug 27 2019
Get it? Cuz they're not dr... never mind
What do 7 days without water do?
They make one weak
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jun 15 2019
I think I'm in love with you cuz
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 30 2019
If you need an ark, just hit me up cuz I Noah guy.
π︎ 10
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︎ Mar 29 2019
Cuz its the temperature
Me: I'm taking a college class about what it's like 32 degrees below the freezing point of water.
My friend: Cool, do you mind telling me what it's called?
Me: 0F course.
https://preview.redd.it/om6zintogpq21.png?width=1300&format=png&auto=webp&s=1b90d0b3afdf51473744930a3c05319b96c00ecb
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︎ Apr 06 2019
There was this Chinese guy ...hu xieng ...he was a vet ...but soon he lost his job cuz
π︎ 15
π
︎ Jul 12 2018
My neighbor called the police 'cuz I was smoking pot.
Cops asked where I got it from, I said my neighbor.
π︎ 4
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︎ Jun 03 2019
This guy thinks I'm not a good friend cuz I won't lend him my copy of a Pixar film
I'm never gonna give you UP, but I'm never gonna let you down...
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︎ May 08 2019
My gf left me cuz I was bad in bed
I kept beating around the bush
π︎ 3
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︎ Aug 27 2018
*while my dad and I drive past a cemetery*
Dad: "Did you know that the people who live in this town aren't allowed to be buried in that cemetery?"
Me: "Oh, why?"
Dad: "Cuz they're still alive."
π︎ 10k
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︎ Dec 19 2020
A joke about communism isnβt funny unless...
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Nov 20 2020
epic pun from r/memes
π︎ 19
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︎ Jan 09 2021
This joke has wings
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︎ Oct 08 2020
I try to say "mucho" when I'm around my Hispanic friends.
π︎ 262
π
︎ Oct 20 2020
Why do white girls travel in odd number groups?
Cuz they literally canβt even
π︎ 36
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︎ Dec 05 2020
Does anyone know if Barney Rubble has any cousins?
If he doesn't that means he's a Rubble without a cuz.
π︎ 6
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︎ Jan 18 2021
Why does novacaine taste so good?
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jan 09 2021
Why do Birds Fly South?
π︎ 59
π
︎ Nov 06 2020
Why do cow milking stools have only 3 legs?
Cuz the Cow's got the udder!
π︎ 194
π
︎ Oct 25 2020
Why won't Rick Astly ever take his girlfriend out for an ice cream date?
Cuz he'll never dessert you...
π︎ 55
π
︎ Oct 29 2020
Why do people call me Santa?
Cuz I get all the ho ho hos!
π︎ 9
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︎ Dec 11 2020
What would u call Hitler if he got removed of his own dick by operation and put someone else's dick there?
π︎ 2
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︎ Oct 30 2020
Why didn't the fetus eat the burger?
π︎ 20
π
︎ Nov 06 2020
Finally some good fucking news.
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Mar 09 2020
Why are all the manatees going extinct?
Because there are no womanatees :(((
π︎ 5
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︎ Nov 12 2020
Killed the bookmark joke today!
Wife: The kids moved my bookmark.
Me: all these years and you havenβt learned my name is Austin.
Wife stared at me blankly for a few moments and then went on with her day. Lol
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︎ Sep 05 2020
Why are orthodontists the most divine of all medical practitioners?
Cuz they're trancen-dental.
π︎ 2
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︎ Dec 15 2020
You know your supposed to knock on the refrigerator door before you open it
Cuz there might be a salad dressing
π︎ 10
π
︎ Nov 14 2020
Social Distancing Pickup Lines
- If Covid-19 doesn't take you out, can I?
- Is that hand sanitizer in your pocket are you happy to be within 6 ft of me?
- Can't spell virus without U and I.
- Do you need toilet paper cuz I can be your Prince Charmin.
- I saw you checking me out from across the bar, stay there.
- Hey Baby! Can I ship you a drink?
- Can't spell quarantine without U R A Q T.
credit: some facebook post i saw.
π︎ 3k
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︎ Apr 22 2020
What's the difference between a poorly dressed monkey on a tricycle and a well-dressed monkey on a bicycle?
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Dec 02 2019
Why was the penguin popular
π︎ 5
π
︎ Oct 09 2020
Let minnow if you've heard this one before
π︎ 772
π
︎ Feb 13 2020
Named a gecko I let back outside.
His name is Detail. Cuz I de-tailed him by accident.
π︎ 4
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︎ Oct 26 2020
My first time doing puns in real life. Ik it's horrible
So today, I had a conversation with my friend while walking home from school. At one point my lace untied and he pointed that out to me while we were walking past a 7eleven. I am horrible at making puns so forgive me. I shall call him J
J: You u should tie up your shoes
Me(pointing to the lays packet in the store): I can't be bothered tying my shoe-lays
J: You should stop spread them all around the "play-se" (place)
Me: Well maybe you should stop lay-zing around and actually study(he couldn't reply to that cuz all he does is lay-ing around aimlessly. Haha! See what I did there!)
Conversation deviates
Me: come follow me to Cheers let's look for a giftcard
J: nah
Me: get your lay-z ass over to cheers u ungrateful bitch! u make my life lays miserables
π︎ 5
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︎ Aug 18 2020
A friend wants to carpool with me to work, but I'm scared
Cuz he likes to take a route that goes through this LONG tunnel
And I have carpool tunnel syndrome
π︎ 33
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︎ Sep 25 2020
Why do they call them cheetahs?
Cuz they dont play fair.
(Heard at the zoo yesterday by a random dad and died laughing. If you see this cheetah guy, thank you.)
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︎ Aug 30 2020
Why should you never trust a toilet?
Cuz they're full of shit.
Sorry for the shitpost.
π︎ 5
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︎ Sep 12 2020
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, "I know something about this cemetery that you donβt.β And I was like what is it? He continued, "The people living in this town canβt be buried here.β I was really confused so I asked why?
He rasped, "Cuz theyβre still alive!"
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︎ Jul 26 2020
What do you call a reptile who enjoys snapping picture of food and sunsets?
π︎ 6
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︎ Aug 18 2020
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