It said I had nice eyes
...the bartender yells, "Hey! Get out of here, we don't serve food!"
He said "No, fatty, don't eat anything!"
I think she still regrets letting me name the twins...
The librarian says, "Sir, this is a library."
The man whispers, "Can I have a cheeseburger?"
Meat Patty
Waitress asks: "How would you like it?"
Dad: "You know, on a bun."
Fast food.
Me: "They're about twice as good as the regular ones."
The man orders a Big Mac and a large fries. His wife orders a single cheeseburger. When the woman finishes her burger she glances at her husband. He has finished his burger and is moving onto the fries.
Still hungry, she looks at the fries and asks, 'Do you mind if I have a couple?'
He sighs and says, 'I suppose so,'
So she reaches over and takes a handful. The husband turns to her and asks, 'Is that a German couple?'
Confused, she responds, 'What is a German couple?'
He says, 'nein' as he slides his food out of her reach.
A panda walks into a bar one day. He casually walks to the bar and sits on a bar stool.
The bartender thinks this is a bit odd, a panda walking into a bar isn’t something that normally happens to him.
He approaches the panda regardless and asks, “What can I get you?”
The panda grabs a menu off the bar, opens it and points to a cheeseburger.
The bartender is very impressed by this and so he decides to go ahead and make the cheeseburger for the panda.
The panda gets his cheeseburger, devours it, savoring every last bit. He then wipes its mouth with a napkin, impressing the bartender even more.
But then suddenly the panda pulls out a gun and shoots everyone in the bar, except for the bartender.
The bartender stands there in total shock, soaked in blood, and can only ask the panda, “Why?”
The panda pulls a dictionary from his fur coat and turns to the bartender. He flips the book to the P section, places it on the bar, and points to his picture. Then he turns and walks out the door without looking back.
The bartender leans down and reads the entry next to Panda. It says…
“Panda: A wild animal that eats, shoots and leaves.”
Me: I'll have a cheeseburger and fries
A Man Walked into a Library. He approached the front desk, rapped on the wood with his knuckles, and declared "MA'AM, I WOULD LIKE A CHEESEBURGER AND FRIES." The receptionist was startled, and replied "sir, please.. this is a library!" The man gasped, looked around surprised, and replied in a very quiet whisper: "i'm so sorry. i would like a cheeseburger and fries."
She said, “Then stop eating so many cheeseburgers.”
We pull into the drive through at In-N-Out. My dad orders two cheeseburgers, two fries, a medium Coke, a medium sprite, and some extra ketchup.
Woman on speaker: "Ok. Will that be all for you?" Dad: "No, some of that is for my son." Woman on Speaker: "...............................ok."
Me: I'll have a cheeseburger, hotdog, 2 tater tots, 1 popcorn and a large soda.
Cashier: Will that be all?
Me: (turn to fiancé) I dont know, do you want anything?
Her eyes have never rolled so fast.
See ya later, have a great night and if I don't see you tomorrow, have a Good Friday!
Social studies teacher is telling us about the types of government. She gets to autocracies and absolute monarchies, etc.
"So let's say I'm the king, (or rather the queen), and I say that everyone needs to eat cheeseburgers for breakfast lunch and dinner. And since I'm the queen, and I said so, you have to do it!"
This one guy on the other side of the room pipes up - "So does that mean you're the burger king?"
Urghhh
... when a girl walked up and asked for a cheeseburger. She paid with $8 cash as she said, "Sorry it's wrinkled." "That's OK," said the cashier, "It won't be once I launder it."
Me: that pitcher just threw a cheeseburger at the catcher.
Son: what?
Me: yeah, it was a 100 mph slider.
My sons all laugh and the wife rolls her eyes. I'll take it.
If they reply with "yes," he responds "Well, hop back there and get me a cheeseburger."
Me: (Giving him shit about going out to a fancy restaurant only to order a cheeseburger.)
Him: "I guess I don't have any class do I?"
Me: "Not at all. That cheddar is quite cultured."
Everybody facepalms
