..but now he has squatter's rights.
He said, “Oh please...you really should give me a bit more credit.”
Me: I'll be sure to bring it back in one piece. Him: No, please break it down first.
He Responds, "Two Chances," I look expectantly. 'Slim and None."
He told me "You can borrow any movie in my collection but I'm never gonna give you Up."
They said no, you’ll have to bring it back tomorrow
Simple, I said, the prodigal son returns...
My daughter just asked she could borrow my butt. Apparently hers has a crack in it.
She came out with that one tonight
I’m asking for a frond.
Me: Sure! Here, it's in my garage.
My Neighbor: That's not a step-ladder.
Me: Yes, it is. My wife brought it from her previous marriage.
I didn't expect it but he took a fence.
He’s never going to give you up His movie collection
I said: it'll cost you a pretty penne.
She doesn't know her ass from a hole in the ground.
But he was Nicholas.
I borrowed my daughter's desk chair for about ten minutes earlier today. As I was bringing it back I said "They say when you borrow someone's car you should return it with a full tank of gas..." It took her about 3 seconds to reply "Nooooo! Did you fart in my chair?"
He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
What can I say? I've got my father's jeans.
Kristen: Sure!
Christen: thank you
Kris: Anytime
I'm down.
He said he had naan.
"Shoryuken."
I prefer the ladder.
You are not a loan.
I'd hate to toot my own horn.
I didn’t want to toot my own horn.
To summarize:
He's never gonna give you Up
Never gonna lend you Down
Never gonna run around, and dessert you.
Her: what are you supposed to be dressed up as?
Me: a walking dad joke.
Her: ...?
Me: I'd be kind of lame.
Because they don't have any body to go with.
Source: Borrowed from r/UncleJokes
Well, I don't think a mountain can fly, but you learn new things every day.
Borrowed from r/Awwducational so title is a fact
Mine has a hole in it.
What's special about Ben?
Well, just borrow his truck... now you have Ben Thunder's truck.
Cheap skates
I got mad and walked out. After 3 years of being college flatmates, he doesn't even know my name is Tom.
So I have borrowed my sisters sledge, she doesn't mind because we are family.
Did she jacket?
I didn't expect it but he took a fence.
He said he'd never give it to me.
Except for the movie Up. He's never gonna give you Up.
Because he’s never gonna give you “Up.”
He’s never gonna give you Up.
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.
The frog says $30,000.
The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.
Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone"
He said, “Oh please. You should really give me a bit more credit.”
KRISTEN: sure. CHRISTEN: thank you. KRIS: you're welcome.
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.
The frog says $30,000.
The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.
Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone"
